


No one else but Mine.

by Misha_Gave_Me_Wings



Series: Saving heaven [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anal Sex, Angel Blades, Angel Powers, Angel Sex, Angels, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Blood and Gore, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel is a Little Shit, Child Abuse, Comfort blanket, Crying Castiel, Crying Dean, Dean Hates Himself, Dean Runs, Dean Winchester Hates Castiel, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Demons, Deviates From Canon, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gabriel is a Good Friend, Gender Issues, Happy Ending, Hearing Voices, Hurt Castiel, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealous Castiel, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mates Castiel/Dean Winchester, Mpreg, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Nesting Castiel, Nesting Dean, Pink Panties, Possessive Castiel, Prostitution, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam is a Little Shit, Season/Series 07, Season/Series 08, Season/Series 09, Season/Series 10, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Soul Bond, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt, Teddy Bears, Threats of Violence, Top Castiel, True Mates, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:32:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 53
Words: 54,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_Gave_Me_Wings/pseuds/Misha_Gave_Me_Wings
Summary: Dean tries to kill himself. Castiel comes to the rescue and realizes he loves his Hunter. The story is about recovery, friendship, family and how to forgive yourself. How to learn to be okay with who you are and show the world, that in the end, true love conquers all.(Charlie never dies, it never happened.)





	1. It ends with me.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning (Hearing Voices) (Mention of past self-harm) (Depression) If you don't like, don't read.  
> . Trigger warning, it is dark at the beginning. I have taken Dean's mind from my own experience with depression. The way I have written Dean's thoughts is deliberately done. The way it jumps and not coherent that's the only way I can explain how I felt when I was that low. So it may not be easy to follow, but that's how a person with a mental illness is, they're not always thinking straight.  
> #AKF  
> (They don't belong to me, Eric owns them.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean had started to slip into a downward spiral of depression and his mood gets worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful Beta ambersagen, For your kindness, help and words of wisdom.

Dean had been steadily slipping; it was small things really, he found no interest in music, no interest in pie, which was his favourite food group. But when Sam had suggested he gave baby, his 67 Chevy Impala and the only woman in his life, a tune up he could not be bothered. He just went out and sat in her, but the leather seats brought no comfort. Even the rattle of the toy soldier that Sam had stuffed in the air vent when he was a kid did nothing to sooth him. Maybe when Cas and Gabe got back, they could all go for a drink. Yeah, that would be great. He plastered a fake smile on his face and went back into the motel room.

“So Dean, hope you don’t mind,” said Sam, his long floppy hair swished when he talked.

_ “By Chuck,” _ thought Dean,  _ “One of these days I’m going to chop those long locks off in his sleep.” _

“Dean, are you even listening?”  Whined Sam, with a look that suggested he was constipated.

“Yeah, you have a room to yourself because Gabe is coming. You want to spend time with your boyfriend. Did I pass the test?” Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother.

Sam glowered at him and huffed. “Yeah, so you don’t mind sharing with Cas?” He pulled the sad, puppy dog eyes out, but Dean somewhat immune to that look by now.

He waved his brother’s concerns away with a flick of his wrist. “No, it’s fine man. not like me and Cas will get up to anything, will we?” Grunted Dean indignantly, rolling his eyes at the bitch face his brother was shooting him.

“Dean I-“ Sam looked at his brother with that look that said I-know-you-like-Cas-so-do-something-about-it.

“Leave it, Sam, I’m not in the mood.” He childishly walked over. Grabbing a pile of clothes he stormed into the bathroom. He rested his head against the cold tiled wall, and a single tear escaped his dull green eyes. No one could see the pain he was in, no one noticed him drowning. His lungs felt tight, and he could not breathe. He just wanted this pain to end.

He thought back to how Cas and Sam had joked about him being a whore and bedding anything that moved; that hurt. Cas laughed at him. But Dean hadn’t been with anyone in over eight months. Sometimes he would just go to a different room in the motel they were staying at, or he slept in baby. He prayed that Cas would be jealous, or notice at the very least, but he never did.

Who would want him, anyway? He was broken, used-up, and worthless. All he was good at was doing the laundry or cooking when they had a kitchen. The voices in his head started up again, and his head ached with it. When they were sat down to do research Dean was told to go because he was a bother. Dean had no brains for looking into ancient tomes. He was not needed or wanted. They always managed without him.

He stepped into the shower and put it on the highest heat it would go, but he still felt cold. He scrubbed at his dirty skin but could not get clean. The scars ran so deep, the ones on his inside thigh still new and raised. Dean was barely hanging on, and not one of his family could see or cared if he slipped further. All he saw was hell.


	2. I am the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean try's to keep it together but fails and ends up alienating his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Verble abuse) (Threatening behavior) If you don't like it don't read it.  
> Again thanks to my wonderful Beta whos job it is to go through this long fic.

Dean came out of the shower, and Sam was sitting kissing the archangel. He had no issue with Sam and Gabriel being together as long as Gabe treated his brother right. Yes, he and Gabriel were friends, strange but true. They had the same sense of fun and love of sweet things. Gabriel had once said he needed Dean’s friendship because Sam and Cas both had a stick up their asses and needed some fun in their life, and the older hunter had to agree.

“Hey Gabe, Hey Cas,” Dean called out to his friends, not looking in their direction but pretending to busy himself with his bag.

“Hello, Dean.” Uttered Castiel, giving his friend a requisite glance.

“Dean-o, how’s it hanging bro?” Grinned Gabriel from behind him.

“Down and a little to the right,” hit back the hunter, trying to put some normalcy between them, fooling them. He heard Gabriel laugh and his brother moan.

“I don’t get that, what does that mean?” From Castiel, who else.

Dean shook his head. So much to learn, he thought to himself. Dean turned to face the others in the room and put on his best plastic smile. "Let’s go out tonight guys. I found a nice bar near here. We’re all back together, it will be nice,” Dean fiddled with his bag again, trying to act happy but mostly failing in his quest.

“You okay there Dean-o?” Asked a troubled Gabriel, worried about the strange actions of his friend.

“Sure, just glad you’re all back." The green eyed hunter shrugged, grabbed his wallet and walked to the door. “Come on, the last human or angel there buys the first round.” And he was gone.

 

 

OoooooooooooooooO

 

 

Dean was nursing his bottle of beer, his hand wet from the condensation. He played with the drips and sucked his fingers. Men and women had been coming up all night propositioning him, but he wasn't interested. He let the angels and Sam do most of the talking, but even if someone had put the Colt to his head, he couldn’t tell you what about.

“Dean, why are you so quiet? Are you not going to leave with anyone tonight? That’s not like you." Quipped Castiel, a smirk on his handsome face.

Now that pissed Dean off big time. Who the hell gave him the right? The angel went off with the first person he saw and tried to get himself killed, and it was Dean that had to clean up his mess yet again. “Why don’t you just fuck off Cas, go find someone else to bother.” He spat, tightening his hold on his beer bottle.

Sam overheard what his brother had said to the angel and came to his friend’s defense. “Hey don’t speak to him like that. What the hell is wrong with you Dean?”

“I’m just fed up with you making my life a joke. Leave me alone five fucking seconds.” The hunter was breathing hard, his eyes narrowed, braced for a fight.

“Dean, you need to calm down.” Said Gabriel getting more concerned for his friend by the minute. This was not his Dean, no, it was like he was possessed. Gabriel mostly was all jokes and laughs, but this was no joke, and he definitely was not laughing.

“Yeah, calm the fuck down when my so called friend and my brother are taking bets on who I’m going to take home.” Castiel and Sam went red at being caught out, and so they should. “Oh, did you not think I knew about that? You can all just piss off. I’m leaving in the morning. I’ll hunt by myself, not as if you need me here,” he yelled now, other people in the bar giving them strange looks.

“Don’t be stupid Dean, you're acting like a petulant child,” snapped Sam, not impressed by his brother's conduct.

“Yeah, because Dean’s too stupid to do research or hunt on his own. All he’s good for is cooking food and cleaning up your fucking messes,” growled out the hunter suddenly jumping off the bar stool.

“Dean you know that’s not true.” pointed out Castiel, worried now for his friend. Why was he saying all these hurtful things?

“Really Cas? The last mess I had to clean up was yours. Oh yeah, shagged that bitch and she nearly killed you. I keep waiting for the next time you mess up, how many times are you going to say sorry Cas? Fuck, I’m done with all of you.” Dean turned his back on his family, grabbed some bills and threw them on the bar, then he walked away.

Castiel stopped him. He put his hand on the hunter's shoulder. Big mistake; Dean hated to be touched when he was this angry. Dean spun around so fast he felt dizzy. “If you fucking touch me ever again you dick,” said Dean, his eyes ablaze with fire and wrath, “I will put your angel blade through you.”

Castiel gasped, his anger raging through his veins. Glasses shattered and Gabriel stopped his brother doing harm to Dean and the other people in the bar. The younger angel trembled trying to keep his powers at bay, but it was not an easy task, not when it involved his hunter.

The archangel rounded on the older hunter. “You ever threaten my brother again Dean Winchester, and you won’t like what I do.”

Dean just laughed and shook his head. “Whatever Gabriel, I really don’t give a fuck.” Dean pulled away and walked out of the door, not looking back.

Sam came up to the angels. “What the hell was that all about?” He had never seen his big brother like that before. It scared him if truth be told.

“I have no idea but let him calm down, Sammy,” Gabriel tried to reassure his lover. He turned to his little brother. "Cassie, you better bunk with us tonight for Dean’s safety, and maybe yours.”

Castiel sighed. “Dean would never hurt me. I need to go calm down brother.” 

Gabriel nodded, understanding if he did not he would go supernova.

Gabriel watched his brother walk out of the bar. He was worried about him. He kept his ears open for any issues. The older angel guided Sam back to the bar and got him a drink. Something was nagging at the back of his mind, something he was missing. He sighed and tried to give comfort to his boyfriend, but he felt wrong, and he did not like that feeling.


	3. Rock Bottom.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to die, with one last whisper his angel on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Past Child Abuse) (Mention of loss of Parent) (Implied underage prostitution) (Gender Issues) (Childlike behavior) (Self-Harm) (Suicide Attempt) Do not read if this course's you harm or you don't the subject.

 

Dean walked back to the motel room. He was fuming, and he felt so angry with himself. No one followed him because no one cared. The voice that was present in his head for so long got louder and louder. Dean locked the door when he got to the room and got undressed. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey he kept in his bag, drank some, and coughed at the sharpness. He also fished out a pack of painkillers. He was in pain right, so maybe they would work?

He ran the bath and waited for it to fill. His mind was fuzzy, and he couldn’t think, the voice was whispering to him, guiding his actions. It was like he was a puppet, with a shadow master pulling his strings. He got his pocket knife out of the side pocket of his bag and took it into the bathroom with him. Stopping the tap, he got in with a hiss, the water scalding hot. Water splashed over the side, but he took little notice.

Dean looked down at his legs; he traced his fingers along the ridges of the cuts. The voice grew louder, sneering at him.  _ You're dirty, no good, and worthless. They take bets, they laugh at you. They don’t care. Did they follow you tonight? No. Because they want you to die _ . Dean could not see for the tears. Everything blurry. He cut his legs, the knife sliding in like butter.

He felt numb. Blood seeped out, the water turned pink. He liked pink, he wanted to wear more pink, but people would laugh at him. He, Dean Winchester, was different, and he could never be the  _ real  _ person he had always wanted to be. He loved to wear panties, the feel of them on his skin was delicious. There was this black and pink skirt he had seen in a shop once, but he was too scared to buy it. He often wondered what pantyhose felt like. Would they be silky on his legs? There had also been this pink comfort blanket. He would have loved to have snuggled up to that at nights when he felt scared and lonely. He had never had a teddy, his dad saying they were for babies.

Dean was never a child, having to grow up at the tender age of four. He would have loved a bear, a real one with a growl. He cried for the loss of his mom and his childhood, with the beatings that Sam had no idea about, and the way he had to sell himself so they could eat. The way he could never be himself. The way he loved Castiel, and he knew he would never be loved back. He sobbed. He wanted to die now. He wanted the pain to end. Three words slipped out of his mouth, and he closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry Cas.”

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Castiel had flown to a monastery near Mount Everest, a strange place for an angel, he surmised. He found peace here, the place not tainted by the modern world. The monks never bothered or molested him, let him sit in quiet contemplation. He needed to calm down before he went back to the motel. He had nearly lost it. He could have hurt innocents and his hunter.

Why had Dean been like that? Said all those hateful things? Dean was many things, but never hateful. He guessed he'd not been nice himself, making fun of and betting on his friend. Why had he done that? The sadness in those green eyes would haunt him for eternity. Castiel would never forgive himself for doing that to his hunter. Like Dean had said, he was always making mistakes. When would sorry not be enough any longer?

The angel suddenly felt a tug on his bond, and he frowned. The pull got stronger. He stood up. He felt a zing of electricity go up to his spine as his grace flowed outwardly. He knew with certainty if he looked in a mirror his eyes would be glowing. He heard a whisper, not a prayer, but it came from his hunter’s soul, a plea for help. He took to the wing and hoped he could get there before it was too late. He felt dread, and for the first time in his existence, he was scared. What would he find in that motel room?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ambersagen for the Beta on this fic, and the support you give me. xxx


	4. Nest mates.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds Dean in the Bath. Castiel's next is explored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning (Suicide Attempt) (Blood is mentioned) Please be safe, don't read if this subject upsets you. If you don't like the subject don't read it.

 

Castiel landed in the motel room, he looked around but could see no signs of his hunter. All he could hear was a faint dripping sound, so he followed it. The sound led him into the bathroom; the door was slightly ajar. The angel pushed it open; he stepped onto ugly brown linoleum tiles. His feet splattered into an inch of water; he tapped it with his black shoes puzzled. He was not sure what made him look up; if breathing were the norm for angel’s he would have stopped, his heart broke there at the sight.

His righteous man, his Dean, his light. Was huddled up, in a sea of steaming hot red blood. The stench of death hung in the air, the reaper’s circled above his head. “No, you can’t have him.” The panicked angel cried out. Castiel grabbed Dean and tried to pull him out of the water; he was a dead weight. Thank Chuck for his angel strength. He waved his hand, and the water vanished off the floor, with another wave of his hand towels replaced the water. Castiel dragged the hunter onto them. He gently cradled the hunter in his arms. “No Dean, why?” He started to cry.

The younger angel called out for Gabriel; he needed his brother. “Sweetheart please open your eyes. I need to see those beautiful green eyes. My light, my everything, please you can’t leave me.” Sobbed Castiel. The angel's blue grace dripped onto Dean, making red and blue patterns, onto the mottled skin of the man's legs. The angel wiped it away fervidly.

“Oh, Chuck no.” Stammered Gabriel for the first time in his existence lost for words. He clicked his fingers and covered his friend’s naked body to spare the man's dignity. “Cassie your tears there not blue, you’re crying human tears.” The archangel gasped. Only a fallen angel could cry human tears.

“Gabriel he’s dying please save him.” Begged a sobbing Castiel holding tighter to the hunter not wanting to let go.

Gabriel shook his head. “Cassie only you can save him now.”

“How? I've done this to him. This is what we've all done. How could we have not seen he was so low?” Castiel ran his fingers through Dean’s hair reverently, he kissed his lips and whispered I love you’s into his hunter skin.

Sam was sobbing in the doorway, listening to all. Not having any words to say himself. His amazing sweet brother was bleeding, had tried to kill himself and he had let him down. Dean was always looking after them and not once had he thanked him or done anything nice for him. He always expected Dean to do everything not once offering to help. Now his brother wanted to die. Leave and never come back. His brother must have been in so much pain to even contemplate such drastic action.

Gabriel took Castiel's larger hand into his smaller one. “Listen to me you’re an Alpha angel Cassie, start acting like it. Grab your mate and heal him, be there for him.” Gabriel needed his little brother to take charge of this to act now before it was too late.

“How do I even know he wants to be my mate?” Castiel's blue eyes glowing bright, pinning his older brother with a glare. “How can I look after him? When I did this to him?” Yelled the angel closing his eyes.

“He loves you I see the way he looks at you. He needs you, Cassie, you have to be there for him. Take him to your nest, nurse him and guide him. You are the only one that can do this. He will die if you don’t, you're his only chance.” Said Gabriel carding his fingers through his brother's hair. Calming him down, hoping he will see reason and help Dean.

“Cas he loves you, he truly does. He was just so scared. Dad had a lot to do with that I think, and he never got the courage to ask you.” Sniffed Sam, he wanted to speak up and tell it how it was so that the angel would help his brother.

Castiel nodded, he could do this be the mate for his hunter. The issue was there were so many rules, so many things that Dean would have to give up. Was Dean even a submissive? If it were the only way he could save him, then he would take it. “Sam if I mate Dean he will have to follow the rules of an angels mate, he would have to make so many changes.”

“Is it the only way to save him, the only way to make him better?” Said Sam looking off at the deathly pale figure of his older brother.

“Yes, this is the only way, only someone that loves him that’s willing to take him as a mate can do this.” Said Castiel kissing Dean on the forehead, stroking his arm tenderly. "It's not just his body that's damaged it's his soul. Has his mate I can repair any damage." Explained the angel.

Sam sighed but looked at his brother and friend on the floor. “Then do it save him. If it falls apart, I will take the heat on this." Sam said sadly hoping his brother would forgive him.

“I will I promise you this; I will love him with all my heart and being. He's my light, my always. I will have to take him to my nest; only we can enter it. I will send news to Gabriel; I don’t know when we will be back. It could be a long recovery time.”

Gabriel held Sam in his arms. “Take as long as you need Cassie and if you require our help let us know.”

“Just do me one thing brother, take care of Sam. For that will be the first thing on his lips, for I know him so well.” Castiel gathered his hunter up tighter, so he was pressed flush against his chest.

“I think me and Sam need a break from hunting for a while. I will take good care of him; you take care of yourself and Dean.” Gabriel leant down and took Deans hand in his, he looked for approval from his younger brother, and he got a nod in answer. Gabriel took the older hunters hand and pressed onto it.

“What are you doing?” Asked Sam who had knelt down on the floor and kissed his brother goodbye, he hugged Castiel and wished them well.

“I gave him my mark, so if he needs me, I will always come. After everything that happened here tonight, he deserves my protection.” Gabriel kissed his friend on the forehead, a thing he would not be able to do once his brother and the older hunter was mated. Cassie would end him if he did.

Sam smiled, and he and his angel stood back and gave the two on the floor, room.

Castiel looked at them both and smiled; he vanished with a flutter of wings. Sam sank into his lover’s arms and cried for all the pain his brother was in and hoped that his angel could work a miracle and save him from himself.

 

 

oOOOOOOOOOoOOOOoOOOo

 

 

 

Castiel had no idea why he had the sudden urge to make a nest. In all his long existence he had never bothered. Then one day eight months or so ago he was flying near the Rocky Mountains and came across a small copse of trees. He stopped and admired the little meadow that grew wildflowers and had a small freshwater lake. No man could get to the place as the pass had been cut off long ago by a landslide. There stood an old wooden cabin that had not been in use for a many a year. So Castiel put warding’s up, he knew he would not be troubled by man nor beast, but he warded against monsters and angels. The cabin looked old and ramshackle on the outside, but the inside was his nest.

Castiel was proud of his nest; he had got Gabriel’s help. A little Mojo later if he wanted to stop at the beach he could, flick a switch and he was there back in the mountains. He would need to work on the outside aesthetic's of the cabin if he bought a mate back. The reason being he would love for them to have a porch swing and may be his fledgling's could run about and play in the meadow.

Castiel liked the kitchen; it had gray marble work tops and light oak cupboards. He had every electrical appliance, all steel, and chrome. He had made a utility room, making sure to put a small washroom downstairs. He had installed a washing machine and dryer. There was a place for shoes and coats and washing baskets and that kind of thing.

He had looked carefully to see what was needed and hoped he had not forgotten anything. The tiles throughout were red, and the floor was a black slate that had specks of silver in them they would catch the light and sparkle. He had gotten a large oak table and matching chairs for the dining room. There was an old sideboard he had found in England that he liked the look of. He had found plates and cutlery and stored them away. The angel always made sure they had fresh flowers in every room to brighten up the place.

The younger angel had installed a den. Gabriel had said it was important for some reason. So he installed all the Blu-ray disk’s (Dean had harped on about them being better than DVDs) That Dean and Sam liked and a few his brother had recommended. The angel brought all the computer consoles that were available and many games. (He had called Charlie up for advice about this.)

There was a pool table because Dean liked playing pool. There was also an indoor swimming pool and a hot tub. (Dean mentioned once he liked swimming and hot tubs) The only room he had done for himself was the library; it had a stone fireplace and comfy chairs to sit in. Large reading table and lamps. Castiel even made sure to put comic books and Vonnegut books there because his hunter liked them.

The second floor had a large master bedroom. There was a fitted wardrobe, done out in a light beech wood. The floor was the same light woods throughout. The room was painted in a Mediterranean blue and sunshine yellow. It reminded Castiel of a Greek island getaway. The bed was a four-poster, so large it could take four grown men. It had thick green drapes that you could pull down and hide away from the world. Any Alpha new a nesting mate would need that, when they were fledgling, their babies. Castiel had installed shelves for collectibles and family pictures. It was clean and bright, a room worthy of any mate.

The bathroom was adjacent to the master bedroom. The angel had installed the largest shower. It was down all in cream and sand tiles. There was a bench on one side and a shelf for bathing items and two shower heads. There was a panel to the right that allowed you to alter the temperature or even burst out a scent of your choice. If you did not want a shower, there was a clawed bath that could take three grown men. The room was done in the same red and black tiles as the kitchen. There were sinks and light up mirrors. Each had a little cupboard and its own shelf.

To the right was the second bedroom. Further up the hall was a room that could be a nursery and room for a playroom for any child. The third floor was all wooded, and the walls simply painted white. The window in the ceiling opened. Castiel grew flowers and fruit and vegetables up here. There was also a telescope he liked to view his dad’s universe. He loved this floor the best.

He had realized much later that he had been filling the nest with things that Dean liked the most. He had even installed a garage for baby. And on one of his trips he had found a record player so Dean could play his old records. That’s when he knew he wanted Dean as his mate and he knew with a pang of sadness in his heart that he would never have the sweet, self-sacrificing hunter. No one would ever live in his nest; he would have no mate, no children and, he would be forever on his own, after all, who would want a mess-up of an angel like him.


	5. The start of the bond.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel flys Dean to his nest, and tries to bond with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Mention of Self-Harm) (Mention of Suicide) (Non-Con Bonding) (Non-Con Mental probing) Please stay safe please don't read is this will upset you and don't read if you don't like this kind of fic.  
> I do like hearing from you, makes my day better.

 

Castiel flew his hunter straight to the bathroom. He needed to get him cleaned up. With a flick of his hand, the water ran in the bathtub. Dean still looked so pale, but his pulse was strong if not a little thready, his breathing a little shallow. When the bath was done Castiel placed the hunter into it, he muttered a few words, and he put his hands over his legs. Dean’s wounds healed even the marks Castiel know he had made before this. The angel needed to make sure the blood loss was not so bad has to shut down his mate’s vital organs.

Dean was clean, and his breathing seemed much better than it had been. He was still unconscious no sign of waking. The angel hated to access Dean’s core memories without permission. But felt he had no choice, he needed to know why Dean had done this and why. How else could he help him heal and get him better? The angel knew the hunter would never give him access when he was awake.

Castiel knew he would have to do something. He would not be forgiven for, searching around his hunter's head. He was Dean’s mate, and for his own benefit and well-being, he would have to look into those memories. The angel also had to put his friend on twenty-four-hour suicide watch. He could not leave him until he was sure he would not kill himself. He knew Dean would lash out at him and he was in for a long and painful time. It was what it was, and he was the course of some of his mate’s pain, so he needed to get over it and help.

 

 

OooooooooooooooO

 

 

 

Castiel dried his mate and dressed him in some light clothes. He made sure the room temperature was just right and placed him into the bed. He put an alarm on the bed so he could potter around the house and would know in an instance if he woke up. Dean would not be able to go to the bathroom without Castiel knowing and being there with him he would just have to live with it for now.

Castiel prayed to Chuck and braced himself; he placed two fingers on each side of his mate’s temples. He closed his eyes and searched his memories. Castiel saw everything, the burden of not having a childhood, the beating’s he would get from his dad, the way John would put him down, very reminiscent of what he and Sam had done. Dean had liked this boy at school, but John beat it out of him. No son of John Winchester would be a faggot.

Castiel nearly choked with what he saw next. Dean felt different he like girl’s panties and wanted to wear them instead of boxer shorts. That he liked this skirt in the shop window, he liked pink. He wanted a teddy bear and a pink comforter. Dean felt like the odd one out, like he could not be himself for fear of ridicule off Sam and others around him. Dean’s family was Gabriel, Cas, Sam, and Charlie. How he missed Bobby and Ellen, Jo and Ash. How hurt he was when Sam and Cas had laughed at him.

Castiel’s breath hitched when he found that Dean had not slept with anyone in over eight months, around the time he started his nest. That he wanted Cas to notice and to get jealous. He loved Cas with everything he had. Castiel cried again; "I don’t deserve you, Dean, you truly are righteous. I love you so much, and I will make it up to you forever if it takes me that long. We have forever now." Castiel kissed his forehead and sighed.

Dean was not waking up, so he knew he had to do the ritual. Dean’s souls were messed up, not bright, muddy, cloudy, it needed repairs, and the bonding would help the healing process. With a heavy heart, Castiel got started.


	6. First Bond.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel starts the first ritual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning (Non-Con Bonding)

 

Castiel chanted the ritual in his native tongue. [Be one, mind, body, grace, and soul] Castiel then got his angel blade and cut open his wrist. He saw the threads of purple grace leak out, and he opened Dean’s mouth in preparation. He placed his hand over the mark he had claimed so many years ago. [Take me, if you will have me] [Bind with me, if you will bind with me] [Seraphine and human be one] Only a recognized mate, could cross into Castiel's nest. But only a true mate could take his grace.

It did not matter whether Dean was awake, or asleep for the first ritual. This was all about the hunter's soul. Although slightly damaged, this could also help repair it. If Dean's soul did not want to bond with Castiel’s grace, then they would never mate. They were never meant for each other in the first place. It was all about free will; Dean’s soul had a choice it could accept the bond or reject it. There was no forcing a soul; his father had created it that way. Everyone had the free will to love whomever they wished, and that’s why the interpreters of the holy book had it so very wrong.

Castiel watched fixated on the hunter's soul. He could not take his eyes off Dean at that moment. His grace coiled and slipped into the sleeping man's mouth; the angel could see the mesmerizing beauty of Dean soul, the slight cracks healing. When they both mixed, there was an explosion of color. Blues, greens, reds, and purples, dancing and singing to the heavens. Twisting and turning, pulsing with vibrant life, so happy and jubilant that they were now one.

Castiel moaned, feeling himself harden, his arousal like magma in his belly. It was not unlike a star being born, a new galaxy coming into existence. He had told Sam once that he and Dean had a profound bond. This was nothing he could fathom, soul mates were banded about but were actually rare. Angels don’t have souls, but Dean was his mate, his true mate. Grace and soul, fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. There bond so strong that even Chuck could not break it apart.

He could feel it build, wave after wave of pure, bliss and exhilaration wash over him. He felt hot he was going to burn up. He took his hard member out of his slacks and with one touch of his nimble fingers he was cumming, hard. The orgasm rolled off him, like a storm at sea. He heard the soul of his mate sing out, and his grace cried out in a reverent prayer. This could never be broken, not in life or death. They were always meant to be; their story was always intended to end this way. The other two parts of the mating rituals were just a formality now. He was Dean’s Alpha; Dean was his mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay my daughter has no been well.  
> All will become clear about the Alpha angel. Cas did say they would be changes for Dean.  
> Love your comments keep them coming.


	7. Revelation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel comes to visit.

 

The next day, Castiel called Gabriel to come to the meadow. He wanted to share Dean’s memories to share them would help in Deans recovery. The hunter had still not woken, but he was looking much better. He had colour on his cheeks, was breathing normally and had started to dream. His eyes would twitch, and Castiel knew he would wake soon. He set the alarm so he would know the instant his mate awoke.

“Cassie how’s Dean-o.” Enquired the archangel sitting in the meadow with a bee on his long nose.

Castiel smiled at his brother. "He will wake soon. I wanted to share his memories, so you and Sam could help him. I know you won't be visiting Dean for some time, but it will help you understand why he tried to take his own life. It may also help Sam not beat himself up, as I know he will be doing.”

“Good idea lil bro. Yeah, Sammy's not doing so good at the moment. Thinks it's all his fault, that Dean did this." Gabriel rolled his eyes sadly, standing up popping a lollypop in his mouth. "What are we to do with our Winchester boys?"

Castiel held out his hand and transferred Dean's memories to the archangel. "I have never been as frustrated with any human has Dean." Smirked the younger angel.

“Holy Chuck Cassie." Gasped the older angel, shock showing on his face. "That’s. How did we not see he had got so bad?” Cried out the archangel, looking angry with himself.

“I don’t know Gabriel, but I will be rectifying my mistakes. I have time to do that now.” Castiel looked across at the cabin and shook his head.

“Did you bond lil brother?" The cheeky trickster wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Castiel looked over at his brother. The archangel must know about bonding with grace and soul. He was so not getting into that with his brother. “You could say that the other two rituals are just a formality now. Even Dad could not break the bond.”

“I have never heard of a bond so strong before. You’re fortunate Cassie. I love Sam, but I don’t think even we have that close a bond.”

“I am. I love him Gabriel so-"

There was a loud alarm coming from the cabin. Both angels looked over the cabin in battle stance. Realizing they were in no danger and it was just the angel's alarm. They let out puffs of breath they had no need to take or let out.

“I have to go brother Dean’s awake.” With a quick goodbye, Castiel flew back to the Cabin and back into the master bedroom. Dreading what he would find, for the second time in his existence, he was scared.


	8. In my arms.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans first week awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Emotional Outburst) Don't read if this story will harm you in any way. Keep safe.

 

 

Dean was sat up in bed when Castiel got to the bedroom. The man's hair was all sleep messed. His green eyes, that he loved so much dull and lifeless. The hunter's eyes seemed to be staring right through him. Castiel at first did not know what to do. He walked slowly to the edge of the bed and sat.

“How are you feeling? He tried to keep his voice neutral used no pet names and used no commands in his tone.

“I don’t know. I guess I thought I would wake up in hell.” Muttered the hunter looking away from the angel.

“Why would you think that? Your heaven bound, Chuck will see to that.” Said Castiel finding it sad that his mate thought so little of himself.

“But my soul-“

“Is beautiful” Sighed the angel, wanting to gather his mate into his arms so badly but knew he had to bide his time. “One day, I will make you see that” Castiel ignored the eye roll and the rigid body language. Dean was like a time bomb waiting to go off. One wrong word and boom. “You must be hungry, would you like to eat?

“I need to use the bathroom.” Dean swung his legs out of bed feeling dizzy; he waited until it cleared.

“You will leave the door open at all times.” Said Castiel looking at his hunter. Waiting for the fallout of his words to settle in his mate's mind.

“I’m not a baby, and I like my privacy.” Growled out Dean giving the angel a glared that said. I will-take-you-down-I am-Dean Winchester-look.

Castiel found it amusing but only replied. “That may well be, but until I can trust you, leave the door open.”

Dean narrowed his eyes and walked to the bathroom. The door would not shift, he felt his anger rise. ‘Stupid angels and their powers.’ He grumbled under his breath. ‘How long were they staying here?’ He thought to himself. Where ever there was? Dean did his business, found a toothbrush and washcloth. He shaved and felt a little better.

Castiel got up off the bed, but Dean crawled back in. “I thought you wanted food?” Said Castiel not looking at all amused by his mate’s antics.

“I don’t care.” Said Dean turning away from the angel.

“So that’s how it’s going to be? I think you forget who I am Dean."

Castiel shook his head and went to get food for his mate. Castiel walked down the stairs, and he heard the shouting start up, almost instantly. Dean could not move from the bed; he could not trust him right now. Not to go behind his back and harm himself. Castiel shook his head hoping his patience would win out. There was a long journey ahead of them.

 

 

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 

 

 

The next three days were much the same. Dean would not eat much, and this worried Castiel. The one thing he could not do was force the man to eat. If he did not eat soon, he would have to take him to the hospital. Castiel went up with his morning tray, feeling downtrodden but hopeful. Dean was sat in the middle of the bed.

“Good morning Dean, I’ve brought you pancakes.” He smiled brightly hiding his worries. Castiel almost forgot who Dean was, and let his guard slip. One moment he had the tray, the next it was thrown against the wall. He was flat on his back with his angel blade not quite touching his throat. Castiel stilled, he know he could overpower the hunter but needed to see where this was going.

“Go on then Dean, finish it.” He said so softly, and he closed his eyes. He felt the blade dig into his skin but did not dare to move. Then weight shifted, and the hunter ran out of the room. Castiel could hear the man shouting and screaming. Castiel opened his eyes. “Well fuck.” He thought. He got up and ran down the stairs. Everything and anything that Dean could get his hands on were thrown around the cabin. The Hunter then tried to get out of the front door.

“Let me out, let me fucking out. You can’t keep me prisoner in here. Please let me go. I can’t do this, let me die please.” He started tearing at his neck, angry red welts formed on the hunter's freckled skin.

Castiel grabbed him from behind, impaling his mate into his warm embrace.

“Please, Cas let me out. Please, I can’t, the pain.” The hunter’s body shook with gut wrenching sobs.

“Shhh, it's all okay sweetheart.” Castiel rocked his mate offering him comfort. “Let it out, let it all out.” Dean sagged against him burrowing into his shirt; the sobs abated after a time.

“Please, Cas. I’m not worth this please.”

“You worth everything my sweet boy, everything.” Whispered Castiel holding tight to his Hunter. Not wanting to let go, wanting to take the pain away but knowing he could not.

When Dean seemed calmer, Castiel picked him up and carried him back towards the bedroom. He had wet himself, and the angel took him into the bathroom. He filled the bath up and undressed his mate. He put him into the hot water and got a wash cloth. He put soap on the cloth and lathered it up and washed the silent man. Dean had his eyes closed, but he seemed more relaxed.

“You like when I take care of you?” Asked Castiel amused when Dean moaned when he massaged his shoulders. Dean just nodded, but there was a flicker of a smile on his face.

“Come let’s get you out; you must be feeling tired.” Dean got out, and Castiel dried him. Helping into pajama pants and a soft gray top. He walked Dean back to the bed, and the hunter got back in. The angel cleaned up the mess from earlier not wanting his mate to get upset at the sight.

“Will you stay?” Whispered Dean eyes closed but his hand searching for his angel.

“Always.” Said Castiel and laid by Dean’s side. Until his breathing became even and he fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this. Little worried that Cas is not coping with it all.


	9. I ask for Pink.

 

 

The next morning Castiel got out of bed and had a shower. Has an angel he did not need to keep clean. But his time as a human he found that he enjoyed them. Dean was still asleep, so he went to the kitchen and made pancakes again. He felt desperate now; he needed to get his mate to eat. He poured orange juice into a beaker; he had read that caffeine was bad for people suffering from depression, so he kept none in the house. He trudged upstairs with the tray and woke Dean.

Dean yawned and looked down at the plate of food. He felt a stir of hunger, and the pancakes did look nice, all light and fluffy. They came with a puddle of syrup on the side.

“Cas.” Said Dean looking into blue eyes.

Castiel's heart dropped here it comes. Dean did not want the food. He would fail as Deans Alpha. He would have to take him to the hospital.

“What Dean.” He said in a small, tired voice.

“Can I eat downstairs from now on please?” Dean was hoping the angel would say yes. He hated to eat in bed.

Castiel beamed. He was about to reach out and move a strand of hair from Dean's face. But he pulled his hand back before his fingers connected.

Dean frowned at that. “You can touch me you no.” He looked at his angel hoping to convey the sincerity in his voice.

Castiel sat by his hunter and offered the juice. Dean ate all his meal. The angel hoped this was a good sign that his mate was starting to recover.

Dean had begun coming downstairs he had explored all the rooms. And found that he loved the kitchen and the library the best. The angel would catch him giving longing glances out of the windows, to the meadow and beyond. Castiel did not feel he could let the hunter out yet. He knew Dean would try and run away. Yes he would catch him but why make him upset, what would the point be in that. The other side of the coin was, Dean also needed to be shown he could be trusted. So that night when his mate was sleeping, he flew, into a time zone where he could shop. He brought cooking books and ingredients for the little idea he had. Yes, there were knives and such in the kitchen, but Castiel had read up on a strategy for this and hoped he could implement it with his hunter.

The next day after breakfast Castiel asked Dean to stay at the table. The Hunter looked a little apprehensive, but the angel reassured him it was okay.

"Dean I have brought ingredients for you to cook with. I know you love it and I thought you would like to get back to creating wonderful creations. I want you to start doing the things you loved again. I realize now you had stopped because it is a symptom of your depression and I'm ashamed I did not notice that." Said Castiel with honesty and integrity.

"It's okay Cas; you were busy in heaven." Mumbled the younger man sadly.

Castiel laid a comforting hand on his mate. "No Dean I'm not going to make excuses for myself. Not any longer. I want us to be honest with each other, whether that be good or bad. So there are two things I propose to do. Each day we say one thing you feel that I let you down in, or feel I have not done and you want me to change. If I can try and make things better between us, that would help you and our relationship. I don't expect you to do that yet, but one day when you're stronger.

What I want you to do for now is every day say one good thing about yourself. And one good thing about me, Sam or Gabriel. Secondly, I have read up about the traffic light system." Castiel stopped briefly to see how the hunter was taking all this information.

Dean's eyebrows raised because did the traffic light system not belong to BDSM? Should he tell the angel?

"No Dean, not that." The angel smiled.

Dean looked shocked, that the angel knew what he was thinking about and blushed slightly.

"When you're feeling fine you tell me Green. When you feel so down, you need help or feel like you want to hurt yourself you say Yellow. And Red well that's self-explanatory. I want to use this in trust between us." Said the angel looking expectantly at his mate.

Dean smiled, he had not felt like laughing, but the angel was working hard to make him feel better, and it felt good. "Cas I hate that you just leave, fly away. You never tell me where you're going or coming back. I feel like your, leaving me and I hate to be left. I worry about you. I know you an angel and have powers, but you're-" Dean frowned and looked down at his feet.

Castiel pulled his chin up and made the hunter look into his eyes. "Dean I am so very proud of you for telling me this. That must have been so hard. We angels, I guess don't think about the impact of others around us. I have a family." He looked at the hunter trying to convey the message. "People I love. I will work on that, and if I do it again you need to tell me, we can work on this together."

"Thanks, Cas." Said Dean shocked that the angel was listening to him. "That, that's great I-. Yeah." The Hunter got up and walked to the kitchen and found a black apron. He wished it was a brighter colour but said nothing. No damn it Castiel said he should speak up. He marched back over to the angel who had been watching him.

"Cas I want a pink apron not black." He huffed turned around and sorted through the cookbooks. Like nothing had happened.

Castiel grinned, Oh, he loved that Dean got the courage to tell him that. He was so proud of him. He needed to go shopping for some items; it was about time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caffeine can make moods worse but talk to your doctor before you stop. I devised the traffic light system for my daughter. When she's away at college, I can ask if she's okay just by asking one question and get her help if needed. Feel free to use it, if it will help you.
> 
> Thanks to Ambersagen my amazing Beta for the edit of these crazy chapters. xx


	10. The blame is on me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Castiel, and Gabriel blame themselves for what happened to Dean. Dean has a bad day.

 

Castiel went to Germany, the home of Stife; he found a giant brown bear that had a growl. He also found a large pink comfort blanket, and a pink apron and flew back to the cabin. The house still smelled of spiced apple cake and cookies. Dean had asked him to take some of the goodies to Sam and Gabriel and wondered if he could cook up a batch for the local shelter or refuge.

Castiel beamed with pride and of course, wanted to kiss him silly. The hunter was fast asleep, so the angel slipped the objects next to his mate. The panties and woman’s clothes he wanted the man to ask for those, when he was stronger, Castiel would work on him, but for now, these would do.

 

 

OooooooooooooO

 

 

Dean woke up and his head ached, a black cloud loomed. He managed to have a wash and brush his teeth but scramble back into bed again. Dean found the objects that Castiel had put there the night before. Dean stroked the pink blanket, he put it up to his face and closed his eyes. He felt so much better safer somehow. The bear laid next to him and tears leaked out of his jade green eyes. He snuggled up to them and promptly fell back to sleep.

Castiel came up wondering where his mate was. He was generally downstairs by now, asking to be fed. He realized Dean was having a rough day and he was fast asleep. He was snuggled up to the blanket and the bear. He looked so young just then, so innocent. Castiel wanted to gather him in his arms and rock him. Love him to show that someone in the world did care about him. He placed the alarm on the bed. Gabriel was calling him, and he wanted to make sure Dean did not wake by himself. He kissed his mate on his head and whispered softly in his ear.

“I love you, Dean, so very much.”

A single tear rolled down Dean’s cheek going unnoticed.

 

 

OooooooooooO

 

 

Castiel went down and opened the door. Gabriel was laid out on a blanket; Sam was also there. The archangel had asked if it was okay and Castiel voted yes.

“Cas it’s good to see you.” Said the younger hunter running up to his angel friend and hugging him tightly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I have missed you to Sam.” Said the angel sadly.

“Hows Dean? How’s he doing?

Castiel looked up at the cabin and let out a slow breath. It’s a rough day today; they happen every two or three days. That has got better though. He’s been doing cooking has you no. He’s been going to the library and reading. I’m not sure if he enjoys it but at least his doing it. Before he would just lay on the bed and throw things and shout, so that’s a vast improvement.

“He’s not been outside yet then Cassie?” Asked Gabriel wanting to know more about his friend’s state of mind.

“No, not yet. I fear he will run and don’t want him to get upset. I am giving him more trust, but I don’t leave him by himself. He needs to show me he won’t do anything rash. He won’t talk to me about what happened, and until then I can’t let him go to the bathroom by himself.” Explained the angel to his family.

“This is all my fault.” Bellowed Sam clenching his fists. “We laughed at him Cas. Made him hurt. He’s been looking for me his whole life. I never knew dad hit him or how he found the money to feed and clothe us. We need to start looking after him now. I have let him do everything from washing the clothes to doing the food, and when he wanted to help do research, I belittled him. He's so much smarter than me.” Sniffed Sam rubbing his eyes, wet with frustrated tears.

Gabriel pulled the younger hunter into his arms and held him, offering his comfort.

“Things do need to change Sam that’s for sure.” We can’t go back to how it was before. We will lose him if we do. Gabriel tells me you’re seeing someone.” Said Castiel kindly not liking to see his friend so upset.

“Yes her names Tina and she’s helping me get through my issues. I can’t talk about the hunting but it's helping. It’s something that Dean needs Cas.” Sam wanted to get his brother help, and he was not sure he was getting it stuck here in the wild.

“If Dean were to see someone at the moment, he would be committed Sam you know that. We can’t risk it.” Huffed out Castiel.

“Yeah, I figured.” Said the younger Winchester.

“He’s my mate Sam, and it’s up to me to look after him. He’s my responsibility. I am trying my best, and I will do anything for him.” Said the angel trying to convey to Sam he was doing his best.

“I’m glad he has you Castiel. I am glad that he has someone to love him. Charlie wants to see him when he's up to it. She sends her love. Charlie said she’s been talking to Dean about him giving up hunting, and setting up a network. Deans created an amazing plan. It would work. Like I said Deans, not stupid, I need to treat him better then I have done."

“I will talk to him about it, and maybe when he’s stronger, we can have her visit.” Said Castiel kindly, not wanting anyone to visit just yet.

“How long do you think it will take before he’s ready for anyone?” asked Sam hoping it would be soon?

"How longs a piece of string, Sam.” Said the angel sadly. "He won't get better overnight. I won't rush this and make him worse."

"No, that's fine. I guess I just want to see my brother." Sam rubbed at his stinging eyes.

“Cassie you’re doing a great job but don’t think you’re in this by yourself little brother. You need to look after yourself. I know you, you're blaming yourself.” Said Gabriel worried about the angel’s mental stability, not just Deans.

“Part of this is my fault Gabriel, and you know it.” Grumbled Castiel, “I need to make up for my wrongs.”

“We are all a little to blame for this. Mostly it's John. Just be glad he's dead. You nowhere I am if you need me, Cassie.” Said Gabriel determine to keep an eye out for the younger angel.

“Thank you, brother.” Said Castiel smiling for the first time that day.

He watched his brother and his friend leave and went back into the house, locking the doors. He hoped he was doing the right thing. Hoped he was helping Dean the best way he could. Was not making things worse. He actually loved Dean, and it hurt that he had done this, made the hunter want to leave him. It broke his heart that Dean did not want him.

Yes, Dean’s soul had bonded with him, but did he truly want him? He needed to know why though, why Dean felt he needed to harm himself as he did? Why did Dean want to leave him? Did the hunter not like him? Not even wonder for one moment that Castiel loved him? It was too soon to ask these question, but one day, he would have to, for his own peace of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Castiel having self-doubts. He wants to ask so many questions but he knows he can't. Sam wants to see his brother but he can't. Dean overheard what Castiel said, how will that go?  
> Thanks for your support, love your comments.


	11. The devil in the details

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean does a little spell work.

 

Dean could not sleep after what the angel had whispered to him. He knew if he moved too much the alarm would ring out and Cas would come. Dean hated being a prisoner, but he had given little reason for the angel to trust him. When he was in the kitchen, the angel was there watching him like a hawk. He would take a trip to the bathroom and feel the angel’s presence. He needed to talk to the angel about this, get the air cleared. So many questions buzzed around his head though. Why did Castiel want to touch him and use the endearments has he did. Dean secretly loved them, and ever embrace and caress. The hunter moved knowing it would bring the angel to him, and he waited.

"Dean, did you sleep well?" Castiel flew into the room and wanted to know if his mate was okay.

"Sure." Dean shrugged, nonchalantly. "I just need to go use the bathroom and then grab something to eat.

"I will change the sheets while you do that then." Smiled Castiel a little uneasily every time Dean went out of his sight.

Something was a little off about the angel, thought Dean but he could not put his finger on it. Dean was brushing his teeth when he dropped the wash cloth. Something silver caught his eye. Behind the basin was a nail, not long about an inch, but it was sharp. Dean did nothing and got up again, well he know it was there if he needed it, he was not telling the angel. He came out and went to make lunch. After he had eaten, he went to the library. Castiel told Dean he had business to take care of and to keep the door open.

After twenty minutes Dean found a book, it was hidden behind a thick tomb that was written in Enochian. Unbeknown to Castiel, Dean, could read, a lot of the language and speak it. When he first met the angels he wanted to know what they were saying. Bobby had helped, of course, it was Bobby who had also taught him Japanese. Dean might often say Sam was the intelligent one in the family and say he had no brains. But apart from being able to fix anything mechanical he was also knowledgeable about languages and picked them up quite quickly. He never told Sam he could read Latin so he would get out of research.

Dean read the book he found, it talked about a spell to put an angel to sleep. If he were a high up in the ranks, it would not last long. Dean needed Castiel asleep so that he could read the angel tombs. Castiel had them locked under some spell. Dean wanted to know why. Strangely Castiel had all the ingredients; he collected strange items it seemed. Dean walked out, and into the kitchen, he grabbed two cans of coke, Castiel had a fondness for the soda, so Dean spelled the drink and put the powder in it.

"Here you go Cas, drink for you." Dean handing the angel the soda, trying not to look like he was up to anything.

"Thank-you Dean that’s kind of you." Castiel looked up and smiled at the hunter.

"No worries. I'll drink it here, don’t want to spill Coke on the books." explained the hunter not wanting to leave the angels sight at the present moment.

"No best stay here." Agreed the angel getting lost in his work again.

Dean drank the coke and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl. When they had both finished, he threw the cans away after rinsing them. He put the apple core into the compost bin and wiped the kitchen side down. He needed to keep busy while waiting for the sleeping powder to work.

The hunter knew the spell would work in five minutes. So kept his cool, not to arouse suspicion. He noticed the angel yawn a couple of times. Then all of a sudden he angels head dropped, and he was snoring with his head smushed against his computer. Dean grinned to himself, and he went about the tasks he needed to accomplish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I am back. Thank-you for your kind comments. My muse his still running the show so, hang on tight.


	12. Don't push to hard.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spell works, but Castiel is keeping things from him.

 

Dean walked over to make sure the angel was asleep. He did not have much time. So he went over to the books and muttered the spell in Enochian. The hunter got his phone out. He knew the passages he needed so started taking pictures of them. When he had got what he wanted he slipped the books back, warding them again. He sat back down where he was before. He carried on reading the book as if nothing had ever happened.

Castiel awoke, finding he was laying on his laptop. Okay, that was strange, why was he sleeping? He did not need to sleep. He stood up in shock. The angel looked for Dean in a panic, seeing he was okay he let out an audible sigh.

"Are you all right Dean?" Asked the disorientated angel.

The green eyed man looked up from the book he was reading. "Sure Cas, but I should be asking you that."

"I'm all right, just feeling tired."

"That’s not normal, Cas. Maybe you're overdoing it looking after me. Why don’t you go and have a rest? Gabriel can look after me or Sam can." Said Dean insouciantly, smiling inwardly to himself.

"I can’t Dean. Only I’m allowed in the cabin with you." The angel did not offer any further explanation.

"Why’s that? Their family. Don’t be silly Cas. You could be ill or something." Said Dean getting worked up about it. Even though he knew he was the root course of the angel's exhaustion.

"Dean only an angel and his or her M-" Castiel stopped what he was about to say, and turned red.

"His or her what Cas? Asked Dean trying to pull more information out of the angel.

“It's nothing to worry about Dean.” Sighed Castiel rubbing his head.

"It does. Why can't I see my brother and my best friend?" Dean balls his fists up tight, only wanting the truth.

"I thought I was your best friend?" Castiel tries to turn it into a joke but it falls flat.

Dean just should there with his arms crossed. "What are you not telling me Castiel?" Yelled Dean getting angry now, that he was being dismissed again.

"It’s not the time for this discussion." Said the angel narrowing his eyes at his mate.

"I think it is. I need to know. It's not fair, you’re keeping important stuff from me." Fumed the green-eyed hunter, wanting to lash out.

Castiel held up his hand for Dean to stop. “Fair, let me tell you about what's fair Dean. My best friend tried to kill himself. He decided to leave me, without me knowing why. Then I have to babysit him is that fair?" Growled the angel, his eyes glowing full on smite mode.

Dean just looked at the angel and walked off.

“Dean wait. I’m sorry." 'Well, that went great.' Though the angel to himself. All the hard work over the past month unraveled in one day because he could not leave well alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ambersagen for the Beta of this fix. And the support. x


	13. What anger can do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean hides from Castiel and hurts. Castiel punishes Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Self-Harm) Please don't read if this will harm you in any way. Don't read if this is not for you.

 

Dean ran straight up to the bathroom. He tried to shut the door and to his surprise, he could. Must be the spell, so he shut and locked it. He cleverly etched a symbol with a black marker he had found in Castiel's cupboard of ingredients. He fell to his knees and closed his eyes. He started rubbing his wrist against the nail, and it brought him immediate relief. He felt better, calmer; the pain edged away.

Castiel realized Dean had run upstairs so thought he better follow him. How was he going to talk with Dean? He had so many questions; his mate was so angry. When Castiel got to the bedroom Dean was not there, so he moved to the bathroom, and the door was closed. Castiel growled at his mate his Alpha side leaking out.

“Dean let me in now.” He commanded and hammered on the door. “You forget I can fly in there Dean. So it would be better for your sake if you open the door.”

Dean did not come out so the angel tried to fly, and realized in shock he could not get in. Somehow Dean had warded the room. Now this made Castiel panic, because why did the hunter need to hide? All thoughts of Dean trying to harm himself came to mind. He needed to get in now. He knew he could not call Gabriel because he would see him as a threat and hurt him. Even one of the most powerful creatures in the universe would be no match for an Alpha angel protecting his nest and mate.

Dean could see Castiel on the other side, of the door. He knew the warding would have to come down soon. He pulled his wrist from the nail and wiped it clean. He sat near the bath and hugged his knees. He was in big trouble, and he knew it. All of a sudden the door gave way and a very angry and very worried angel came storming into the bathroom.

“Give me whatever you used to mark this place, now.” The pissed of Angel barked a command at his mate.

Dean held out the marker but did not look the angel in the eyes.

“Get on the bed. It’s a good thing I don’t tan your hide for doing what you just did.” Shouted Castiel, growling at Dean, pushing him toward the bed.

Dean just stood up and pushed passed the angel ignoring him and flopped on the bed.

“So you want to play it that way. Fine, you don’t come off the bed until I see that you can behave.” The angel searched Dean’s pockets, and his phone was pulled from him. “You can keep this, but when the batteries go, I won’t charge it. That’s in case you try and hurt yourself with the lead.”

“Why do you even care Cas? Why don’t you just piss off?” Mumbled Dean turning away from the angel.

“Fine Dean have it your way.” The angel left but as soon as he did Dean got his phone out and looked up the book.

Castiel had let slip a couple of things. Words like ‘mate’ and ‘Nest.' So Dean looked with shock and horror. From what he could ascertain he was bonded with Castiel in some way. Castiel would be the Alpha angel, and he would be classed as the Omega and submissive. Dean snorted at that notion. That would mean that the angel did something without his say so because he had not said yes to any mating. He wondered if he could break the bond, then he could get out of here.

It said in the book, the Omega's would no longer be tied to the nest and could not enter it any longer if the bond was no longer valid. That meant Castiel could not keep him prisoner. He needed a plan to escape this place and then break the bond.


	14. You can't run from your problems.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean runs away from the nest.

Castiel had not heard a murmur from Dean all day. He had not wanted any food either, but that did not stop him trying to get the man to eat. Castiel had given him finger foods on a paper plate, so there were no sharp objects around. The food was still there when he went up later. He could not be around Dean, for long, he was too angry. He would fly to the monastery tonight and meditate until morning. Dean would be okay; he could not get out of bed without his knowledge.

If he slipped a little something into the hunters, drink to help him sleep. To make double sure he caused no issues that night, it had to be done. The angel was aware that the younger man would not let him near him to, ‘Mojo’ him asleep. So that night Castiel took some cookies and hot chocolate up for Dean’s supper. He let the hunter use the bathroom and stood at the door with his back turned. Then the man got back into bed.

Dean knew the angel was some were floating about. He had brought him hot chocolate and cookies; it was summer. Stupid angel thinking he had no brains. It was the cookies that had been drugged or the drink. So Dean whispered the spell and walked over to the corner of the room. There sat a tall green money plant on a wooden table. Dean poured the drink into the soil and the cookies he put at the back of his sock draw. He climbed in bed and started the pretense he was asleep by snoring a little.

He felt fingers sweep through his hair. A light kiss graced his forehead. Dean faked sleep and tried not to melt into the angel's touch. Why did he crave it so badly? He heard the whoosh of wings and Dean knew for certain the angel was no longer in the house. He muttered the spell again and climbed out of bed.

Dean had seen a rucksack earlier in the week; it was under the cupboard near the stairs. It had odds and ends like string and, a metal flask, though why the angel would need that he had no clue. Dean grabbed the flask and boiled the kettle. He grabbed food and filled the bag. The hunter grabbed a kitchen knife and wrapped it in a tea towel. He had no idea what was out there and needed some kind of weapon. 

Dean popped a couple of books in the bag. He ran upstairs and got wash items and clothes. When he had finished, he went back into the cupboard under the stairs. There sat a pair of sturdy walking boots. He put two pairs of socks over his feet and tried the boots on. There were also a set of waterproof coat and pants, so he grabbed them. 

There was a box of matches in a draw near the kitchen sink. He took a plastic plate, cup, and cutlery and placed them in the bag. He was about ready, so he walked to the door with apprehension in every stride. What if the door was alarmed? ‘No.’ He thought to himself. ‘The angel knew he could not get out, so why bother alarming it?’

The door opened with relative ease, much to the hunter’s relief. He breathed in the fresh air he craved, and he stepped out into a moonlit sky. He shut the door behind him and put the rucksack on his back. Dean knew from looking out of the window that that lake was to the west and the mountain range towards the north. 

Dean decided to go east; there was a small compass that hung from his bag. So he followed the general direction, it pointed him into. He wished he had a torch. He had not seen one and anyway that could draw attention to his whereabouts. The moon guided him; the night breeze blew pleasantly over his freckled arms. He hoped he would be far away from the cabin when the angel realized he had gone.


	15. Seek him out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and the angels search for Dean.

Castiel sat and meditated all night. He kept his eyes on things back home. Nothing disturbed his quiet contemplation, as the sun ascended high over the snow tipped mountains of Nepal. Castiel got up and stretched. He broke bread with the monks, then bowed, and bid them goodbye. He lifted his wings to the sky and flew swiftly back home. 

He got back in time for breakfast with no issues. He cooked sausage, egg, and toast and took it up to his mate. There was a lump in the mattress, and Castiel shook it trying to wake his hunter up. Then he realized that the lump of bedding was just that, blankets. He pulled them away, revealing a space where his mate should have been.

He left the tray and searched for his mate, but he was not in the house. He knew anyway he could tell, he was just deluding himself. How did he get out of bed? The angel was puzzled over it. He flung open the front door and did a scan for the man but nothing. He could not find Dean, and he started to panic. 

 

He took to the wing and flew overhead, but he could not spot the hunter. He could not get out the valley, which puzzled the angel even more. Where was he? He needed help, so he called for Gabriel and Sam. He sat on the wooden stoop looking sad and forlorn.

“Cassie, whatever is the matter?” Asked Gabriel in concern. When he saw the look of sadness on the younger angels face.

“It’s Dean.” Castiel choked trying to hold back tears. "He somehow managed to get out last night, and he’s gone."

“Gone?” Gasped Sam in shock. “How do you mean he’s gone Cas?”

“I put a spell on the bed, so if he got out, I would be alerted. We had a fight yesterday, and I needed time to cool down. I left him all night. I just don’t get how he got past the warding. It’s in Enochian unless he’s fluent in the language which I very much dou-" The younger angel realized his mistake and groaned.

Gabriel smiled and shook his head. “Never underestimate Dean Winchester the first valuable lesson I ever learnt Cassie. I bet he can read a number of languages. I just don’t get how we never picked up on the fact, in the scan.”

“It was only a surface scan, not a deep one.” Explained Castiel. “We would only see the reasons behind, his depression. Something trivial like him being able to speak a language would not show up.”

“So how did he break the spell? You’re telling me my brother read a book in angel language?” Asked Sam not letting it sink in that his Dean understood more than he let on.

“Yes, Sam. I keep books in the library. They have not been touched to my knowledge. It would seem he got around that. We need to find him; he’s not in the best frame of mind at the moment.” Said Castiel standing up and going over to the younger hunter and the archangel.

“We need to search a large area. I will get some virtues’ looking. We can cover more ground that way." Speculated the Archangel grabbing Sam’s hand ready to take off.

Castiel nodded. "I will take the east and meet back here around midday." That agreed the younger angel, flew east trying to see if the hunter had left clues to his current location.


	16. Oh Chuck help me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck comes to help.

Dean carried on walking, through the night. When the dawn broke, over the eastern sky, he stopped for a rest. Dean evaluated his situation; there was a stream nearby and a small hut. He went into the ram shackled building and assessed it. It had one large open space. There was a metal bed frame in one corner but no mattress. In the other was a table, with an old wooden burner. The hunter did not bother warding it if Cas saw the hut he would investigate. It would not be standing long he surmised if he knew his angel.

Dean felt sleepy, so he laid his head on his bag and dozed off. He woke sometime later, his neck feeling stiff from the odd angle he had laid in. He jumped when he realized he was not alone. Dean had never let his guard down that badly before. Chuck sat on a chair staring at him.

“Chuck, what are you doing here? Asked Dean rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Chucked smiled at him like he was seeing the hunter for the first time. “I must apologize Dean. I was talking to a couple of my children.”

“Oh, that’s fine.” Shrugged Dean slumping back against the wall.

“Dean we need to talk about this situation. And about Castiel.” Spoke the God softly, not wanting to scare his friend.

Dean's face dropped. “I want the bond broken Chuck. He did something without my permission.” Said Dean feeling the anger rise again.

Chuck put his hand up to stop the hunter from continuing. “I’m going to explain about the bonding. I do agree my son should have told you about it all."

“That would be great. I have no idea what’s going on.” Dean hoped at least now Chuck would tell him the truth.

“Let me talk and after you can ask questions. Does that seem fair?” Suggested the God, to the hunter before him.

“Yeah, sure.” The hunter smiled at his friend.

The God nodded and, cleared his throat. “Angel’s traditionally bond with each other. But few do it with humans. I gave all my children free will to love, whether that be angel or human. To save your life, Castiel took you back to his nest. Now an angel’s nest can only be accessed by the angel and there mate. Even I can’t go into a nest. So Castiel knew in that instant you were his mate. Your soul was a little bit damaged, no fault of your own I may add.”

Chuck snapped his fingers, and two coke cans appeared. He offered one to Dean who took it gladly.

“So to save your life, to rejuvenate your body from the blood loss and the soul depravation. Castiel joined his grace to your soul. Now your soul could have rejected him. Like I say it has free will, you did not need to be awake for it. A soul knows what it wants and needs. You too are bonded so strong that I can’t break it, no one can. Dean your Castiel’s true mate, his soul mate. Now he will look upon that has a great privilege. He will want to take care of you, that's the Alpha angel's job. You're running away, well he will feel like he has let you down big time. He loves you, Dean, give my son a chance." Chuck looked over at the hunter. "Did you need to ask me anything?"

“Will I change now I’m Castiel's mate? The books say's I will. They say I will be and Omega, a submissive. I've tried to read the books he had in the library, but they don’t say much.” 

Chuck clicked his fingers again, and a book appeared. “Here take this. It was written by a human angels mate a long time ago. It explains the changes you may go through. Also how an angel of Castiel’s rank would expect you to act, in and outside of the nest. In basic terms, my son will be very protective of you.”

Dean snorted and laughed like Cas was not already like that. He thought to himself.

Chuck smiled because he was God and all knowing. “Even more so than before. Angels can get possessive and jealous when they have mates. They will want to provide for their mate. Do anything in their power to make the other happy. Castiel needs to sit down and talk to you about all this. We will have words."

Dean rubbed his face and felt bad for his best friend. Cas had only been looking after him, and this is how he repaid him. “I don’t know why I left Chuck. I felt so angry at not being asked about the bond, not having a say. Now I just feel lonely and tired. I want to go back home. Why am I like this Chuck? Why am I so broken?" Dean said so sadly it broke the Gods', heart.

Chuck came over to his friend. “Dean you’re not broken, you’re just seeing things slightly different at the moment. You’re not well, and we will help you heal. Castiel's the best person to look after you; he can be there for you.”

“Can’t you put your hand on my head and heal me?” Asked Dean thinking about the holy book.

“I can’t Dean; the mind is a tricky thing. Even for a powerful being like myself, and I created humans.” Joked Chuck hoping the hunter would understand his predicament.

“I always seem to shout at him. He must feel so bad, that I ran away. I must be the worse mate ever.” Sniffed the green-eyed man, rubbing at his saw wrist.

“I will talk with my son Dean. I know you’re worried and I think that’s part of the reason you left. Always thinking of others, it’s okay to feel selfish sometimes you know. Another thing to consider, Castiel is an Alpha angel. He will want to give you commands and expect you to follow them. I think he’s taking it easy on you at the moment.”

“I have no idea how to be his mate, Chuck.” Cried Dean into the Gods shoulder.

“You will Dean. Its all written down, and you have a path to follow. It may seem hard now, but it will get better, I promise you that. One day you will bare Castiel's fledglings and have the family you crave, and a new era in heaven will start.” Smiled Chuck. “You’re both very special to me Dean. Why do you think I bring you back so often?”

“I know you're like my father in law now Chuck.” Sniffed Dean trying to hold back more tears. “But I still hope we can be friends. Dean hugged the God and Chuck hugged him back. “Of course. Now, I will take you home but I will give you specific instructions, and I expect them to be followed. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, sir. I can.” Said Dean standing up and grabbing the bag off the dirty floor.

“Okay then hold my hand, let’s go by God express.” The God winked, and Dean smiled for the first time that day.

“Chuck you need to work on them puns.” Laughed Dean, feeling much better after the talk with his friend.

The God smiled, and they both vanished from the cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I wrote Chuck okay. I always thought Dean valued their friendship so I wanted that to be evident.


	17. A talk with dad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck helps Castiel.

Chuck had spoken with Gabriel to take Sam and to leave the cabin so that he could bring Dean back. He reassures his older son that the hunter was okay and they had some issues to sort out. Chuck deposited Dean on a blanket in the meadow outside the nest and called for Castiel.

Castiel landed near his father; he was shocked to see Dean. He wanted to ask so many questions. But he remained impassive, with his head bowed.

"Dean, I want you to go put everything away. Then go put on something comfy then get on your bed and wait.” Instructed Chuck.

“Yes, sir” Dean got up and went with the bag towards the front door, not looking back once.

Castiel watched him go with a raised eyebrow.

“Come sit with me,” Chuck ordered the younger angel. So Castiel sat and looked out towards the lake.

“Castiel, he ran for many reasons. He felt he was a burden to you. You were always looking after him; he knows he’s not been an easy person to live with lately. He felt he was hurting you. When he wanted to talk to you, you brushed him aside. Dean also needs freedom Castiel you can’t keep him locked up in the house."

Castiel shoulders slumped, and blue eyes turned on his father in shame. “I can’t look out for my mate. I’m not a very good Alpha.”

“You're doing fine Castiel. You just need to start being firmer with him. You need to listen if he wants to talk, let him. Blaming him for what he did was not fair. I don’t think he knows himself why he tried to kill himself. They are lots of factors involved. You're, the Alpha, you will have to get to the bottom of it. The next time we might be too late to save him. Also, let him sit out in the sun, get some fresh air. Let him see Sam but exercise certain subjects off limits. Let Dean choose the limits. He will know what his triggers are, learn them. If he does happen to come across a new trigger, you will learn from that. They will be no quick fix for this son. He may suffer for eternity; you just need to help him through it. Just be careful what books you have lying about. Deans more talented than you all give him credit for." Chuck laughed at the look on his son's face.

“Yes, I am coming to realize that. I feel sorry I did not see it.” Groaned the angel, he needed to think about a lot of things that was for sure.

“You also need to talk about the bond and the changes he may go through. It's not fair to keep him in the dark. I gave him a book that he can read. It won’t be enough though. Talk to him, read to him. I have faith you both can do this.”

“I just want him to be safe and feel loved.” Said the Angel, wistfully.

“Then love him, show him that. I don’t think he feels any comfort at the moment. He feels like he’s in prison. I need to go, son. I will check on you both soon, but call me if you need me.” Chuck got up of the blanket brushing grass of his pants.

“Thank you, father.” Castiel bowed his head in respect.

Chuck smiled, “Now go sort your mate out.”

Castiel walked slowly to the cabin. He needed the courage to go and talk with Dean. He needed to apologize and find a way they could be both happy.


	18. The last thing on my mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas talk a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning (Self Harm) Cas heals Deans wrist. I don't go into any graphic detail. Please don't read if this will upset you in any way. Keep safe, and always keep fighting.

Dean put all the contents of the bag away and went upstairs as Chuck had instructed. He got into soft cotton pajama pants and a well-washed Queen tee-shirt. The older hunter wondered what Chuck was talking about with Cas. He put the book his friend had given him on the bedside table for further reading. He could not concentrate at this present time. So he waited for the angel to come to him.

Dean thought back to what Chuck had said. Would he really have children with Cas? Would he have the family he desperately craved, the life he wanted? He would often tell others he never wanted to give up hunting; he was born into it after all. But he wanted a house and family. To tell the truth, he wanted to give up hunting but how could he do that and live with himself.

Dean had never told anyone, but he loved books and loved to learn about anything. He would have liked to become a teacher of some kind. Dreams were okay, they kept you going, but reality was a harsh mistress, and she never gave you what you needed or wanted.

Castiel stood in the doorway of the master bedroom. Dean laid on his back. The hunter had not heard him come up; he cleared his throat to announce his presence to his mate. Green eyes locked onto blue, and the younger man sat up. Castiel saw that his wrist was red and sore, so he went over to the hunter and sat next to him.

“Can I heal that, please?” Castiel looked at his mates arm and knew this time it was his fault. He had kept Dean in a prison and had not let him have any freedom. He had not trusted his mate and not talked about what happened back in the motel.

“Yeah, of course.” Dean held his wrist out, and the angel tenderly touched it, and white light poured out. The wound was healed instantaneously.

“I’m so sorry Dean. I have been such a bad mate.” Castiel looked down not meeting the hunter’s eyes.

“I don’t know what that means Cas. Why am I your mate? Why do you kiss me when you think I’m sleeping? I need the truth now. Please.” Begged Dean, looking so small and lost in the large bed.

“I promise I will Dean. Will you do one thing for me?” Asked the angel, cautiously.

“I will try my best Cas.” Said Dean looking up at his best friend.

“Can we leave it for today. Tomorrow we will sit in the meadow. We have a lot to discuss. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. A movie and popcorn sound's great about now." The angel smiled hoping the hunter would agree with him.

“Sure Cas whatever you want.” Dean was feeling sleepy himself, and he knew better than to have a big conversation on little sleep.

Castiel brought his computer up and put, pirates of the Caribbean on. He also brought snacks up for Dean to share with him. Halfway through the movie, the hunter had fallen asleep. Castiel switched the computer off. The angel got Dean comfy and sat by the bed and recharged. He would watch over his hunter like he had always done. Nothing had changed really, Dean was still the first thing on his mind in the morning, and the last thing on his mind come nightfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I have been trying to find a Beta but no luck. Sorry about Grammer and Spelling mistakes.  
> Thanks for the comments, they keep me going.


	19. In understanding me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean feels happy that he gets to go outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {} Depict's Enochian I can't find the translation for what I needed.

The next morning was gloriously bright. The birds tweeted their song in the pine trees, and it was music for the hunter's soul. Dean looked out of the window, and he felt happy, today he got to have some freedom. He had hated the fact he had been held a prisoner. He wished Castiel had more faith in him, which if he ever felt that low again he would tell him. He had set the traffic light system up for that very reason. Dean got that the angel was scared, but he did not feel that low at the moment, it was hard to explain. He bounded downstairs in search of food. He had not eaten properly in days, and he felt the pangs of hunger.

Castiel had made pancakes bacon and scrambled eggs. Dean got stuck right in. “Cas it's incredible.” Moaned the hunter gobbling his plateful up.

“It's good to see you have an appetite again Dean.” The angel beamed at his mate.

“Yeah, I guess I have not felt like eating much. Strange that.” Dean frowned and wondered why.

“When you are depressed, you can either eat too much or too little; you’re the latter I guess.” 

“Thank you for cooking all the meals Cas. I do appreciate you looking after me. I hate to be such a burden, having to be babysat all the time.” Dean looked down, feeling sad at the thought.

“Now you listen to me Dean Arron Winchester, you’re not a burden to me. I’m your mate, and I'm here to look after you. I know you don’t understand that just yet. I will be here for you, through the downs and the ups of our life together. I want to be here for you Dean; please realize that.”

“You shouted at me Cas,” Dean whispered barely audible, but the angel’s sharp hearing picked it up.

“I know, and I was wrong. You scared me, Dean, I thought I was going to lose you again. It’s not your fault, any of this. If only I had listened in the first place. If only we had seen this coming. We are all to blame for this your family. We have all let you down. I intend to make up for that.”

Thinking back to what Castiel had said about bringing things up that he disliked the angel doing. Dean wanted to open up about another issue. “I hate when you think I can’t do something. Like I’m not good at research. You all push me away into the kitchen. Dean's no good at research or with books he’s only good for washing clothes and cooking.”

Castiel reached out for Dean. “My darling boy I think we have underestimated you. And again I am sorry for that. You always say Sam is the smart Winchester. I believe you hide your light under a bushel.” Castiel lifted Dean’s chin and made him look into his eyes. {“You hide from me Dean, you hide your intelligence yet you can understand every word I say. So hear this. I am your Alpha, and you’re my Omega. I am your mate, and I love you.}

“You love me?” Gasped Dean not sure what to say about that revelation.

The angel grinned and laughed, and the hunter frowned. “Sweet boy I just spoke in Enochian, and you had no idea. I think we need a long talk don’t you?”

Dean blushed his freckles standing out. “Yeah, I think so Cas.”

“Good you go upstairs and get washed up. I will tidy things down here.”

“You don’t want to come check on me?” Dean looked surprised at the angel’s actions so use to being watched.

“You can manage by yourself. If you need me shout okay?”

Dean smiled, and it lit up his whole face. He rushed forward and hugged the angel. Then ran up the stairs.

The smiled was contagious, and the angel smiled back. He started cleaning up. ‘Well, that went well.’ He thought to himself. Just hope the hard part goes the same way.


	20. A cry for help.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean asks Castiel for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. Dean talks about harming himself. Nothing happens but it is mentioned. Please don't read if this upsets you. Please stay safe.

Dean jumped into the shower and washed. He did his teeth, but the pull of the nail started dragging him forward in a trance. He did not want to hurt himself, but it was like his body needed it. He needed his angel, so he called for help and hoped he was not going to be angry with him.

The angel flew to the bathroom and saw Dean looking worried and a little pale. “Dean, whatever is the matter?”

“Please don’t get mad at me Cas but I feel like it's calling to me. I don’t want to hurt myself but I know it’s there and I fear I will do it.” Dean mumbled wringing his fingers tightly in angst. "There's this nail I found, that's how I hurt my wrist.

Castiel understood, and he went over to his mate. “Hey, it's fine. I'm so proud of you for telling me this. It must have taken so much courage to tell me after everything that happened. Show me where it is, and I will smite it okay." The angel had his game face on and looked ready for action.

Dean smiled a little at the thought of his angel getting mad at the protruding nail. He showed the angel where it was.

“You go get dressed, and I will deal with this okay. Shorts and tee-shirt will be fine; you will need sun cream as well.” Ordered the angel.

“Okay,” Said the hunter a little shakenly.

Castiel wanted to pull Dean into him again and kiss him. But he did not feel that he could do that yet. Dean saw the hesitation in the angel’s body language. He had done this many times, and it confused the hunter. He would get to the bottom of this once and for all. He had told the angel it was okay for him to touch him, but maybe he was worried about his boundaries. Angels were made different from humans after all, and Castiel was still learning about human interaction.

Castiel dealt with the nail and spent some time making sure there were no other sharp objects in the bathroom that Dean could hurt himself on. He had to trust the man but, why give him the temptation in the first instance. The angel walked into the bedroom, and Dean was dressed, in pale blue shorts and a plain black tee-shirt. The tee-shirt fit snug against the hunter’s chest, although he had lost some weight, he was still well built and had well-defined muscles. Castiel felt himself harden but tried to dampen the arousal he felt.

“You look very nice Dean.” Castiel wanted to give his mate a boost with his low self-esteem issues.

“I do? Yeah, I don’t look too bad do I?” The hunter grinned. "Maybe I still have it. I will still be able to turn some head’s when I go out. I guess.”

Castiel felt a hot flash of jealousy when Dean said that. Dean was his, not anyone else’s. He would not be showing his body to anyone. Dean’s body was his and his alone. Although the hunter had no clue about this, so he kept his mouth shut for now. He would have to learn who he belonged too. 

The angel thought this would be the hunter’s hardest lesson yet. He was a big flirt and ladies, man. Could he be faithful to him? Would he seek others out? Castiel felt he would smite anyone that put a hand on his mate. His blood boiled at the mere thought of it. He shook himself out of the red haze he had got himself into. Instead, he offered his hand to Dean.

“Come on let’s go down. I have snacks, drinks and a blanket waiting for us in the meadow." The angel said wanting the hunter to take his hand.

Dean accepted, and they both made it outside into the warm sunny morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for Grammer and Spelling errors. No Beta finding it hard to get one.  
> Thank You for your support. I could not do this without you. xxx


	21. All about Baby.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean remembers Baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little filler but I thought it was cute. So much heavy stuff it was nice to write something fluffy.

Dean flopped onto the blanket. He rolled onto his back and shut his eyes. This was the life, he missed this, the outside, the open road and baby. He suddenly sat up; where was baby?

“Cas where is my Car? She better be okay?” Grumbled the hunter. If there were a scratch on her, someone would pay.

“She’s fine Dean, don’t you trust me to look after her?” The Angel narrowed his eyes at the hunter, waiting for a reply.

“I trust you Cas. I feel bad because I have only just thought about her. You won’t tell her will you?” Dean worried his lip between his teeth.

“You have had more pressing matters to attend too. Being your mate, I have looked after your baby. She’s over there Dean, in the shed I build for her.” Smiled the angel feeling proud that he had done one thing right for his mate. "I'm sure she will understand that you are not well at the moment."

“Baby’s in the shed. That’s amazing Cas thank you.” The hunter rolled over and hugged the blue-eyed angel.

“You’re welcome Dean.” Castiel felt a little shy at the attention all of a sudden. “You can go play with her when you feel a bit better, just I-" The angel had no idea how to put; there are tools in the shed I don’t feel comfortable with you around just yet. Without Dean thinking he did not trust him.

Dean understood though, especially if he had an issue with one simple nail. “She will be okay in the shed, and she won’t rust. I will look in on her later if that’s okay with you?”

“We can go see her if you’re good.” The angel winked, and Dean gave him a little smile.


	22. The talk about about life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel talks to Dean about Angel mates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this chapter I could not get it right.

The Angel sat on the blanket and started the hard conversation he had been dreading. "I understand that my father talked about the bond I have with you. I wish you could have been awake for that. Gabriel, Sam and I all decided that to save you this had to happen. When you could pass into the nest that told me you were mine. Then when your soul opened up for me. I knew we were bonded. We were true mates; it’s very rare Dean. I can’t express how rare that is." Explained, the angel, wanting his mate to understand how precious the bond he and the hunter shared. 

“Chuck said even he could not break it.” Replied the hunter remembering what the God had told him.

“That’s right; no one can break it. I feel sad that you wanted to end it though. We have always had a profound bond, Dean. I just never knew how deep that ran. After all, if you still want to be away from me. I can ask Gabriel to take you to a safe house. We could work something out.” Castiel looked troubled but needed to voice the issue.

“Won't that hurt you?” Glared Dean not liking the sound of that one bit.

“It would kill me slowly.” Choked, the angel. “But all I want is your happiness so it would be worth it Dean.

Dean stared with an open mouth. Castiel would sacrifice himself; he would give up his life just so he was happy. The angel utterly and completely loved him. That revelation hit Dean full on, and he was lost for words.

“Anyway.” Continued the angel not looking at Dean but over at the lake. He saw wild birds diving for fish, and he wondered if his mate could take a boat out. The hunter could catch fish for supper. He blinked and got his derailed thoughts back on track.

“I’m an Alpha angel Dean. That means I am dominant by nature. I have a need to provide for my mate. We can get possessive and jealous. Only you and I can enter into the nest. Not even Chuck or Gabriel can come into our home. That’s why I refused when you asked. I would see it as a threat and could hurt them.   
I see you as an Omega, although you’re a human. We have taken human's as mates since humans walked the earth. Angels are either Alpha or Omega, but humans are not built to mate with an angel from the start. So when an Alpha mates with a human they take on a characteristic of an angel Omega. You can have children; you will go into heat every three months. You will produce slick so that you can take my knot. You will become more submissive and will be more sensitive to my Alpha voice and commands.   
You will live longer, and when you pass on earth, you will be by my side for eternity. There was talk of an angel’s mate that could smite abominations, could also listen to angel radio. The closer the bond the more the angel feature’s they will have. Dean, I have no idea what you will become, this bond between us is unprecedented. You are nothing like anything we have seen before. I wish I could tell you what attributes you would gain but I can’t. You are my mate, and I will always protect you, that is my promise to you.”

“So basically I’m just going to become weak then.” Huffed Dean not liking the sound of an Omega at all.

Castiel cupped Dean’s chin and stared into green eyes. “Omegas are not weak beloved, they look after the house, they organize, and they give birth to our family. You balance out the dominant side of the Alpha. There are not many things that would scare an angel Dean, but a pregnant Omega or one that feels like his/her fledgling's are in danger. Even Chuck would not get into that fight. You're strong, and amazing, and has you would eloquently put it bad ass. There is nothing weak about you Dean Winchester, and I will never see you that way so you can stop thinking that now." Said the Angel in mock sternness.

Dean smiled and took a deep breath, all this information that had pummelled his brain. He needed to ask some questions though. “Can I die? What if you die does that mean I die too?” 

“You will live longer. Becoming an angel when you pass on, you could claim a vessel. Or ask father to make you one. I have known angels being killed before, and the human’s mates survived. The angels’ counterparts are not so lucky. That’s where human’s mates have the advantage.”

“When will these changes start taking place? I guess I’m a little worried about not knowing shit about it all. Dudes having kids, not something you find books on.” Huffed Dean not sure whether he liked the idea of giving birth or not.

“When we mate for the first time then the changes will start. There are three stages of mating. We don’t have to, in theory, we have a tight bond. Nothing can break that; we can stay as we are and never have children, you will never change. It's that simple."

“Will that make you happy, to stay this way?” Asked Dean trying to gain the angels attention, but he kept staring into the lake.

“That’s not up to me Dean. You will be the only one that can choose that. I can’t have the children. My body won’t be the one that’s changing. I am sorry I can’t help you with this. I won’t give you my answer on the matter because I know you too well Dean. You wouldn't think about yourself if I did.”

Dean knows by that comment that his angel wanted children and a family with him. Castiel would never ask that of Dean though. He had so much to think about. “So we are mates, and no one can take that away from us? So what are the other two stages?

“Yes we are mates, and I am your Alpha like I explained. It won’t be easy for you Dean, to take orders from me. I will take it easy though, but we will talk more about that later. You can only take so much information in one day.” Castiel smiled that smile that made Deans insides turn to goop.  
“The second stage would be the Handfasting ceremony. Gabriel would be able to do that. It’s much like the Pagan Handfasting but with a little difference. The third would be intercourse. We need to wash our bodies in herbs and then say words in Enochian. You will need to pledge your body to me, and I would pledge my body to you. Then we would copulate and then we need to wash again. Then four weeks from that changes will start to happen. Three months from that you will go into your first heat, and it will be up to you if you wish for me to help you through it. Bearing in mind, you will be at your most fertile when you’re in heat.”

“Oh,” That’s all Dean could say. They were talking about children and starting a family. Always seem to be coming back to that subject.

Castiel caught the look on Dean’s face, and his heart sank. “I realized I’m not the best person to start a family with. I can’t say that I would make a great father, not had the best example. All the problems I've coursed also can’t endear myself to you. I only wish for you to be happy Dean. I just hope one day you will find it in your heart to love me.” Castiel tried not to shed a tear, because why would this amazing man want fledglings with him, he was just a broken angel after all.

Dean looked at the angel, and his heart broke for him. 'To late angel' He thought. 'I’ve loved you from the first day you walked into the barn, in sparks of fireworks.' Why would he think he would be a bad father? The hunter knew he would make the worse. He tried to kill himself, what kind of example was that. Dean’s thoughts spiraled downwards. He needed to get the courage to tell this incredible being next to him he meant the world to him before he lost him.


	23. When I need you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean talk about Sam and Gabriel's visit.

Castiel felt drained the next day. He wanted Dean so badly, yet he felt he was slipping through his fingers like grains of sand. He felt yesterday had not gone so well. It was about time they all sat down and talked about the time leading up to the motel. The angel had invited Sam and Gabriel to the meadow to talk with Dean. First, he needed to talk with Dean about triggers and limits for Sam and Gabriel's visit. A safe word that he and Dean would know so he could get out of a situation he could not cope with. The angel had been researching again, and he hoped this was the better solution to the problems.

“I need to talk to you Dean about bringing Sam and Gabriel into the meadow. We want to talk to you about what lead to you trying to kill yourself. Now we need to speak about triggers, limits and a unique word. One that you can use if you have to leave in an instance. Then I can get you out of there quickly.”

“That's a very good idea Cas. I think it needs to be a word that I won’t usually use but will catch your attention.” There was a purple bush that sat just by the wooden stoop of the cabin, Dean did not like the smell at all, but Castiel used it in many things about the nest. “Lavender Cas that’s the word.”

“Good that’s sorted. Now we just need your limits and triggers.”

“I’m not sure. I can use knives in the kitchen, but you have to be there. Anything sharp makes me feel ill. That’s all I can think of though at the moment.”

“We will learn if you have anymore and we will deal with that. It's nothing to worry about. We will deal with this together.” Castiel told the hunter trying to sound convincing, although he was worried about facing any of Deans triggers if truth be told.

“I want to talk about this, but I don’t want to be pushed Cas. I don’t know myself why I did it. I feel like there’s a block in my head. It feels like I have cotton wool stuffed in there. I know that sounds strange. It’s like I blocked some of it out. Please no pushing the matter, I can’t handle that at the moment.”

“That’s fine I will let Sam and Gabriel know. I sometimes think people that have had a trauma can block it all out. This stems from your childhood issues as well. I don’t believe that it's one thing it’s all little things. I feel it's got too much and you blew like a volcano. When you feel better would you be okay in talking with a therapist?” The angel looked hopeful, his blue eyes soft in the early morning light.

“Yes, that’s fine with me. I’m shocked you have not shipped me off by now, to be honest.” Mused the hunter looking puzzled at his angel searching for an answer.

“I felt as your mate that I could handle this. They would have sectioned you for sure. I just can’t be without you. Selfish I know, this is your health after all. I can’t say I did an excellent job in looking after you though.” The angel raked his long fingers through his messed up hair. Dean wanted to do the same and sighed.

“Hey, it's fine Cas. I get it. I’m kind of glad that it’s you. It can’t be easy though looking after me. Not knowing when I may have my next attack.”

“No, it's not, I will be honest with you. I love you, Dean. I would do anything for you. I won’t leave unless you want me to.”

“Yeah, angel I’m getting that.” Dean smiled at the angel and went downstairs to get breakfast before he saw his best friend and brother for the first time since it all happen. Would they be mad at him? Shout at him? Dean was worried, even a little scared if truth be told.

Castiel reached out for him, sensing the worry that radiated off the hunter. “Just say the word Dean, and we will be out of there. Just remember they can’t enter the nest.”

Dean nodded, and with a deep calming breath he opened the front door to, one short and one large figure. He plastered a smile on his face and went out. Why did he feel like he was facing his own execution and not his family?


	24. How not to treat an angels mate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes Castiel angry in the way he treats Dean.

Dean was a little hesitant at first, and the Archangel saw this and put him at ease in an instance. 

“Dean-o good to see you.” Grinned Gabriel running up to his friend. 

“Hey Gabe, I’ve missed you, buddy.” Dean held the older angel in a tight hug.

“Dean I missed you too.” Said Sam grabbing his brother in a tight bear hug.

“Can’t breathe Sammy, put me down you big lug.” Dean laughed at his gigantic brother. 

“Oh, yeah Sorry.” Grinned Sam looking sheepish. 

“Let’s all sit down." Said Castiel, spreading two large blankets in the meadow. 

The two men and two angels sat down, and Gabriel clicked his fingers and offered them a drink of coke.

“Thanks, Gabe, we ran out this morning. Cas sent for Ava to do out shopping; he won’t leave me just yet.”

“I think not.” Smirked the Archangel, the virtues don’t mind helping Dean. You have one tethered to you anyway after what happened.”

“Gabriel,” Castiel growled his annoyance at his older brother.

“Sorry, lil bro that slipped out by mistake.” The elder angel looked contrite and apologetic.

“How do you mean I have a virtue tethered to me?” Asked Dean wanting to know what the angels meant.

“You’re the bright one Dean,” Sam replied a little too brightly. “Don’t you know if you try and kill yourself you get a virtue that tries and stops you? It’s a sin you see in the eyes of God to kill yourself.”

“Sam.” Scolded Gabriel shocked at what his boyfriend had just said. “It’s not a sin, sometimes shit happens. My father won’t turn anyone away. Even if there in that much pain. He send’s virtues to lessen the pain, and help that’s all.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Scoffed Sam stubbornly folding his arms.

“Drop it, Sam,” Castiel commanded of him. Sam said nothing more but looked away indignantly.

Dean had no idea what had gotten into his little brother, but he could take a giant leap and connect the dots. Sam was pissed at him because he tried to kill himself. Sam thought he was selfish and he wanted to shout at him and blah blah blah. It was always about Sammy. Since he was little it was, why can’t I have these shoes, Dean? Or why can’t I have that breakfast cereal, Dean? If he did not have his own way, he would kick up. Sometimes he would even tell dad, and he would get beat for it. Dean was kind of pissed at his younger brother if truth be told.

“So,” Gabriel announced brightly trying to alleviate the tension. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Dean wanted to talk a little about what lead up to him trying to harm himself. He wants to try and see why he did it; he clearly has no idea an-“

“What do you mean he has no idea?” Spat Sam turning red in the face. “He knows full well why he did it Castiel. He’s fucking selfish that’s why he did it.” The giant man leaps up onto his feet making the blanket ruck up around them. “Go on Dean tell us why you're selfish and tried to kill yourself? Boohoo poor Dean was treated crap by dad, and he had to take care of his little brother.”

“Cas can we go, please. I don’t feel so well.” Whimpered Dean in a small voice.

“Sam you will stop this now.” Ordered Gabriel, not at all impressed with the younger hunter.

“Why should I. We are all pampering to what Dean wants. Dean gets everything. It’s not fair.” Stamped Sam like a petulant child, being told he can’t have candy.

Dean walked away he needed to get inside the nest. Sam tried to stop him his large arm grabbing at his shirt. Gabriel shouted to stop the younger hunter from doing something so stupid. He had told Sam that you don’t do anything to Dean that he does not consent to or Castiel will see it has a threat.

Castiel growled low in his throat and held Sam’s hand in a vice like grip. “You're my friend Sam, so I give you this one warning. You ever and I mean ever, lay one finger on my mate again, and you won’t like what I do next.” He pushed the younger hunter away from his mate.

“Sam walk away.” Shouted Gabriel. “If you don’t, you will have one pissed off Alpha angel smiting you, and I won’t be able to save you.”

Dean ran, as fast as his legs could go and Sam like a fool ran after him.

‘Shit’ Thought Gabriel Sam’s going into the nest Castiel will kill him for sure. Gabriel grabbed Sam just has he was about to cross the doorway. “No you idiot he will kill you if you go into the nest.” Panted Gabriel even though he had used little Mojo in saving his hunter.

“I want to see Dean, let me talk to him. I need to talk to him.” Bellowed Sam struggling to get free.

“No you need to calm down, then you and I are having a very long talk.”

“Take him away Gabriel be for I smite him.” Yelled Castiel his eyes glowing blue his angel blade in his right hand.

“We are leaving Castiel we are not a threat. Call us when you have talked to Dean. Send him my love and tell him I will talk to this idiot for him.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes but nodded. “He won’t be welcome here for a long time brother.” Gabriel nodded in understanding blinked and vanished. Castiel walked into his nest and the door slammed behind him locks slammed home, and he secured the nest so no one could get in. He needed to keep his mate safe that was his number one priority.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a little protective Castiel. No idea what's got into Sam.


	25. So help me please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean asks for help and Castiel gives it.

Castiel could not stand down; his angel blade was still in his right hand his grace glowed brightly. He heard Dean shout for him and he rushed up the stairs to find his mate on the floor being sick. He needed to shut protect mode down; his mate needed him. The blade vanished but his grace boiled underneath his skin. Dean had got so far, ready to talk and Sam had shut him down, spoke to him like he was worth nothing. It would be a long time until he trusted the younger hunter again that was for sure.

He needed to calm Dean down; his panic was overriding his body; little oxygen getting into his lungs. Castiel placed a finger on Deans' windpipe, and it helped to get much-needed air to his mate’s lungs and brain. “Breathe sweetheart, that’s it follow my breath, in and out. Slowly now. Good boy, I’m so proud of you Dean. You did so well out there today. I love you so much. I don’t think you believe me but one day you will.”

Dean started to breathe better then he started to cry and shake. “Cas why would he do that? Say all them things." 

“I don’t know. I will have a talk with Gabriel and see what he thinks later.” Castiel shook his head sadly; Sam was normally so level-headed.

“I did everything for him. He use to get me in trouble with dad. If he did not get his own way. He was a brat sometimes, but I love him he’s my brother.”

“You gave up your childhood to look after him Dean he should be more grateful than he his.” Growled out the angel, wanting to fix the pain his mate was in.

“I want you to look at all my memories Cas so that you will understand me better.” Suggested Dean, wanting the angel to understand him more.

“I can do that Dean thank you for trusting me.” Castiel stroked down Deans arm and wished he could kiss the man. 

“I do trust you Cas,” Dean whispered softly.

“Let’s get you in the bath, sweet boy; you will feel so much better." 

Castiel ran the bath water and put one of his bath bombs in it. He helped his mate into the warm water. He got the lemon and pepper body wash out. The angel loved to clean Dean he was so responsive. Castiel loved the noise’s he made; he always felt a little hot afterward though. After helping his mate into clean clothes, Dean wanted a nap. Castiel wiped the floor up, and he sat in the chair he often occupied.

“Cas why do you always sit over there?” Pouted Dean not liking it one bit.

Castiel thought the hunter was adorable but thought better to say that out loud. “I like to watch over you sweet boy.”

“Why can’t you come lay with me? Why don’t you touch me anymore? I wish you would; I feel like you don’t want me." Wined Dean getting upset, he rubbed at his eyes sending them red.

“I did not think you wanted me to, do that,” Castiel commented shyly.

“I just want you Cas, please just be you. You say you love me then show it.” Begged the hunter wanting his angel badly.

“From now on I promise to show it.” Castiel crawled over the bed and kissed Dean on the cheek. He tucked his arms over the younger man’s torso. “Is this okay?” He asked tenderly.

Dean hummed in contentment. “Yeah, that’s better.” His eyelids started getting droopy, and he yawned. He began drifting off to sleep.

“I love you sweet boy always will. I’m sorry you had to put up with that today.” The angel ran his fingers through his mates light brown hair.

“Your badass Cas, just so you no.” Said Dean sleepily.

Dean fell to sleep with the pleasant laughter of his angel ringing sweetly in his ears.


	26. To climb a mountain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel realizes that helping Dean will not be a quick fix.

The next day was a bad one for Dean. Castiel let the younger man calm down. Instead of letting him stay in bed, the angel brought a chair outside for his mate to sit in the meadow. Castiel made sure he had drinks, food, and attention. Dean had never felt so loved in all of his life. He knew the angel was trying; he was making up for his mistakes. Dean remembered what Chuck had said that it was okay to be selfish sometimes. So against his better instincts, he let the angel wait on him.

Dean read the book that Chuck had given him. The human, Florence had mated a Seraph called Haniel. Florence spoke of her love for the angel and how many children they had. She talked about how has a Seraphs mate she needed to act a certain way. Dean read an incident that intrigued him.

Florence was going to a store and met an old friend. They embraced each other and caught up. Not thinking anything was wrong in hugging a friend. Haniel became jealous thinking she was cheating on him. Florence gives the warning to other angel mates. Don't let anyone near you that's not family or friends that your angel does not know. She also speaks of the punishment she received when she had done something wrong. Florence also points out that she loves to wear Haniel's collar to show humans that she was taken.

Dean liked that idea if truth be told. He was always in control in his life; he liked the idea of being submissive. Just the very thought of someone else taking over that control, made the butterfly’s in his stomach flutter. Would Castiel be like that, commanding telling him what to do? His quiet, dorky angel of Thursday, could he be the answer to all Dean’s prayers? 

“Cas can I talk to you please?” The hunter needed the angel to tell him, more than he had.

“Yes of coursed Dean.” The angel put his book down and gave his mate his full attention.

“I have been reading about Florence and her angel mate. She spoke of punishment when she did something wrong. Would you punish me?

Castiel had to think what he was to say; he did not want to scare the younger man. “Yes, if I told you not to do something and you did it. I would punish you, Dean. That’s my role as your mate.” Explained the angel hoping he had not upset the hunter.

“Oh, I see why you would have it. This is not going to be easy for me Cas.

“I'll tell you what, come up with five punishments. From minor infringements to the most severe. We can keep, changing them if you're not happy."

“Okay, I can do that. Also, would you make me wear a collar? Florence said Haniel's could sense her moods though the bond sometimes. Will that happen to us?

Castiel paused for a moment, and his eyes traced the hunter’s neck. He cleared his throat. No, you won’t have to, but if that’s something you feel you would like, we can talk about it at a later time. Also, angels who mate with angels will feel the bond and can communicate with their mates. In humans, it’s rare; they have to have a strong bond, and only the angel can sense the emotions of the other. I don’t know if we will if that’s what you’re asking."

“It’s all this uncertainty Cas. I wish I know what would happen. How our bond will affect us, and the changes I will go through.”

“I wish I could give you a better picture of what will happen Dean.” The angel wished he could answer Dean's question, but until they bonded entirely, he would never know what it would be like. “Things will get better, I promise, all this uncertainty will clear, and we will have a great life together.”

Dean hoped the angel was right about his predictions. He had been pulled into something he never asked for but craved. He would not give this up without a fight. 

 

OooooooooooooooO

 

Dean put the book down and ate a snack the angel had brought him. He thought about what he had asked of the angel days before. He wanted Cas to see inside, all of his thoughts and memories. He often wondered why Castiel had not done so when he re-made him, after his time in hell. Dean turned to the angel who was sat beside him reading one of the Harry Potter books. “Cas when you pulled me from hell why did you not read my mind then?”

 

The angel stopped reading and tilted his head in that way that Dean thought was adorable. He placed a bookmark on the page and closed his book. “I could re-make you, Dean, build you with my grace. I claimed you as mine that day. But we still need permission to look inside your mind. That is where the free will my father talks off. It would be a violation if I did so.”

“Oh, I get that. Well, I want you to see me Cas, all of me." Begged Dean. "Please do it now angel.” The hunter whispered in desperation.

Castiel shook slightly. That was a lot of trusts his mate was giving him, and he could not let him down again. “If you wish Dean. I will see everything do you understand me?” The angel wanted his mate to be sure of the task he was to partake; he could not take it back.

“Yes, I do. It scares me a little, but you need to understand me, and this is the best way I can do that."

“Lay down then sweetheart.” The angel straddled the hunter, and he gently kissed his forehead. Dean closed his eyes, his breathing picking up with the angel sitting so close to his groin.

 

“Relax sweet boy it won’t hurt.” Castiel sent Dean to sleep, thinking the process would be much easier if the hunter were unaware of his surroundings. Plus he had no clue how the younger man would react, and he did not want to see Dean upset. The angel placed his hands on either side of Dean’s temples and a soft white light emitted from his large hands. Castiel saw it all, dark and light, scared and lonely, lost and hunger. The pain startled him, and tears trickled down his face. The angel collapsed, and he rested his forehead against his mates.

“I’m so, so sorry darling boy.” The angel looked up at the sky and cried out a plea. “Oh, Chuck the pain please stop the pain.” He sobbed. After what seemed like hours the angel gathered himself and lifted Dean up and carried him into the nest. He undressed his mate and settled him on the bed.

“I promise you this Dean. I will always be here for you, now and always. No one will hurt you from now on. I will keep them away from you even is that’s myself. You deserve so much better, love, kindness and a family. I will give you all of that; I will give you what your heart and soul scream for.”

The angel did something he had not done in years. He dropped to his knees and prayed to his Father, for strength and help. He thought he had to climb a hill to help Dean but what he had just witnessed he realized he had to climb a mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone help me? It keeps wanting me to put a capital A in angel is this correct or not? Thanks.  
> Thanks for your support. Sorry about no Beta still on the search.


	27. Fruit and Misunderstanding's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel Finally Kiss.

Dean sat on the third floor, the windows were open wide, and the cool summer breeze felt like silk on his skin. He watched the angel tend to the little garden he had up here. Dean picked a strawberry and popped it into his mouth, the sweet flavor flooding his taste buds. 

“These taste amazing Cas,” Dean grinned sucking the juice off his fingers.

“We won’t have any left for supper if you eat anymore.” The angel grumbled but smiled back at the happy mood his mate seemed to be in.

The hunter pouted, and the angel laughed. “That won’t work on me baby boy.” He shook his head at his mate’s childish behavior. “Why don’t you go get a book to read, while I finish up in here?”

“Okay, are we going to sit in the meadow for a little bit?” 

“Of course anything you wish for Dean.”

The hunter walked down the stairs and went into the well-stocked library. He felt a lot better today, even after the issues with his brother. He needed to ask the angel how Sam was getting on. He knew Cas was still a little mad about that subject, so had not brought it up. Dean picked a book up; he noticed it was in Enochian and it was about angel bonding. Maybe he could pick up some more information on the topic. He got entranced by the book and lost all sense of time. Suddenly the book was unceremoniously snatched from his hands by a very angry angel. Dean was lost for words.

“What are you doing Cas? I was reading that.” Complained the hunter wondering what had got into the mild-mannered angel.

“You don’t have permission to read my books, Dean.” Spat the angel, going into smite mode.

“Why did you not tell me some books were off limits? I’m not a mind reader, unlike some people.” Argued Dean not liking this confrontation one little bit.

“It’s bad enough a human knows our language, never mind one that’s reading our books.” Snapped the angel still in a raging mood.

“You’re the one that wanted me for your mate Cas. I had no choice in the matter remember.” 

Dean walked out of the room and went upstairs. He lay on his bed and tears slid down his face. He tried to calm down, feeling scared and down at the anger the angel had displayed. Suddenly he heard a loud bang and a crash coming from downstairs, and he sat up. ‘What the hell was that?’ He wondered to himself. So the hunter went gingerly back down, his heart was thumping so loud. He had no weapons, what if something had got into the nest? He slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. He searched the other rooms, looking for his angel. The noise was coming from the library. He pushed open the door to find the angel throwing furniture around.

“Cas what the hell are you doing?” Shouted Dean in shock at the mess the library was now in.

The angel took one look at Dean and sank to his knees, his hands cradling his face. With a loud sob, he started crying. Gut wrenching sobs broke out shaking the angel’s body violently.

Dean dropped the knife and ran to the angel. “Cas what’s wrong? Tell me please.” The younger man put his arms around the angel and just held him close to his chest.

“Dean I’m s-sorry. I am such a bad mate. I let yu-you down. All the time. I’m always hurting you.” You’re in so much pain the things I saw.” Castiel sobbed, tears dripping though his slender fingers. “Why would you want someone like me? A broken angel, no use to my father, heaven or here on earth.”

“Cas now stop this. You’re amazing; you’re not broken, sweetheart.” Sniffed Dean feeling tears prick the back of his eyes. “You saved me Cas so many times. I love you angel so much.” Dean buried his head into the angel’s chest.

The angel choked and held Dean back. “You love me?” He whispered. “Truly you do? You don’t hate me?”

“No angel I don’t hate you. I just wish you would tell me if I can’t read your books. Or what I can or can’t do. I hate when you get that mad at me.”

“Oh Dean I’m not mad, I’m so scared. I nearly lost you. I don’t know why you wanted to leave me. I get I’m a bad friend, what Sam and I did was horrid. Please don’t leave me, Dean, I can’t, live without you. I left heaven for you, if you don’t get that I love you by now then there’s something wrong.”

“Oh Chuck, I am so sorry Cas. I’m sorry I made you cry. I was so sick I can’t deal with so much pain. I thought you were better off without me.” Cried the green eyed hunter, glad he was getting this off his chest at last.

“Never, I want you by my side even if you are the most stubborn person I now.” Sniffed the angel, wiping his eyes.

Dean managed a small watery smile. “Promise me one thing Cas. Just call me all the pet names you want, touch me when you want. You still hesitate like I’m not yours. I am yours aren’t I?” The hunter wanted to get a reaction off his angel, and he hoped this would work. He wanted to hear if the angel truly needed and wanted him.

Castiel narrowed his eyes and growled at Dean. “You're all mine, and no one will ever have you. May I kiss you?”

Dean looked into ocean blue eyes and smiled. “Yes of course.”

Castiel dried the tears of his mate's face and kissed his hunter on his plush pink lips. The kiss was wet and sloppy, not the best kiss that Dean had ever had. But butterflies flew from his stomach and his heart beat out of his chest so loud he knew Castiel would hear it for sure. He felt sparks of electric zing down his spine. There was a connection like he was meant to be here in his angel’s arms. The hunter knew for certain then that the angel, Cas was his. He belonged in this otherworldly creature's arms. He was home, and he did not want to be anywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could I get the ending to sound right. Bangs head on the wall. I will go back to it later.


	28. The Red Intervention.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie comes to the nest to see Dean. But where has Castiel gone?

After the library incident, things started to get better. Castiel would hold Deans hand and use pet names more often. Dean loved the names if truth be told and smiled when the angel used them. He felt safe in his nest; he had a home, some were only he and his angel got to be. He was worried about going out in the real world again, getting back to hunting. The truth he had kept hidden, but the angel would know about. He was not sure he wanted to go back. He felt he had a duty to protect people. But he knew what was out there, so how the hell did he just ignore that? 

Now Castiel had seen everything, but they still had not spoken about it. Dean still tried to bring the subject up, but the angel would not talk about Dean harming himself. There was one person that he could talk to, and he missed her. So one morning he decided to ask his mate to get his best friend and honorary sister. He wanted to spend the day with Charlie if he could.

“Cas can I ask you something?” Enquired Dean, knowing that this would stall the angel.

“Sure Dean anything.” Said the angel somewhat hesitant.

Well, thought Dean that was not the real truth is it now. So he ignored the heaviness in his stomach and asked for what he wanted the most at that present time.

“Would you please go get Charlie? I miss her and want to spend the day with her.”

“Oh, I can do that, but that would mean I would have to leave you.” Frowned the angel not sure whether he should do that.

Dean narrowed his green eyes and crossed his arms. “What don’t you trust me? I am green Cas, very green. If I had an issue, I would let you no. But if you can’t trust me.” Pouted the hunter laying it on thick.

“No, No I trust you. I will go see if she’s available.” Said the angel clearly still uncomfortable with the fact he was leaving his mate.

“I thought you said even Chuck could not come into the nest.” Dean narrowed his eyes getting irritated at his mate.

“They can’t Dean like Sam nearly did. I would see it has a threat. I just don’t see Charlie has one and I feel okay about her being in here with you. Just stay indoors, and I will go see if Charlie can come.” The angel flew off, and Dean sighed, he hoped the red head could come, he needed someone to talk to.

 

Minutes later he heard wings and laughter as Charlie rushed up and hugged Dean.

“Hey red I’ve missed you.” Dean hugged the young woman back and tried to hold back tears; he was getting emotional a lot these days he found.

“Dean, would it be okay if I left you for the day? I have jobs need to get done.”

“Yes, you go Cas. If anything happens, we will call you.” ‘What was the angel playing at?’ Thought the hunter. One minute he wanted to stay with him the next he wanted to leave. He needed to get to the bottom of this. Or he knew it would explode again. He thought by showing the angel his mind things would be better, guess not then.

Castiel kissed Dean on the cheek. “Just don’t go outside.” He ordered his mate, and with that, he flew off.

“Now that was strange, even for Castiel.” Remarked the red head.

“Yeah, he’s been acting strange since I let him see all of my memories. I have so much to tell you, Charlie. Let’s go up to the garden, its nice up there. I promised him we would not go out and I don’t want to break that.”

“Of course not, lead the way.” Grinned the red head happy to see her older brother again. She had been scared when Sam had told her he had tried to take his life.

Dean settled them on bean bags and opened the windows so they would have fresh air coming in. Dean told Charlie what he had felt coming up to the time he had hurt himself, and then after. The mating and the problems he had with the angel.

“Wow, Dean I had no idea. I feel I should have known.” Charlie said sadly.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.” Dean told her, trying to protect her from any pain.

“It is a little bit. I have been so busy that I never gave you anytime. When I needed you, you were there for me. Your family Dean the only one I have and I treated you badly. That will change I promise you that.” Said Charlie with a determined look in her green eyes.

“Can I tell you something I’ve not told anyone? Well Cas knows now he’s looked, but he’s not talking about it.”

“You can tell me anything my mouth is sealed.” She drew an imaginary zip over her pink lips.

Dean grinned it was so great to have his sister to talk to.

“I don’t want to go back to hunting. The problem is I know what’s out there. I feel selfish that I’m not doing anything about the monsters. I’m not sure what to do about it.” Confessed Dean. Hoping Charlie would wave a wand and fix the quandary he was in. 

“Oh, that’s what I was working on. I wanted to talk to you but was not sure how you would take it. Anyway, you know how Bobby ran the phones for hunters?”

“Yeah sure.” He smiled sadly at the thought of his uncle. He missed the grumpy bastard.

“Well, I can make the entire network out of the war room computer. I looked the last time I was there. The technology is old, but I can work with it.”

Dean smiled at how Charlie's face was lit up, and her hands animated, flying fast trying to explain things.

“Well we have all the research books, and you know your stuff. Don’t think I don’t know you can read Latin and angel language buddy.” She laughed nudging the older man in the chest.

“How the hell did you know that?” Dean was shocked by the revelation.

“I caught you reading a book once, and when I looked, it was angel stuff. You put it down when I enquired; you told me you'd picked the wrong book up. Then when Sam had issues with Latin, you translated it for him. Said Cas had helped. I asked Cas, and he had no clue what I was going on about.” The red head looked smug at the look on her brother’s face.

Dean chuckled “Should have known nothing gets passed you red.”

“Nope, I’m so like Hermione Granger. Harry Potter would have been so dead if it was not for her.”

Dean snorted but wisely said nothing on the subject.

“Well with your expertise we can help hunters not only in this continent but all over the world. You have the knowledge we need. The map can pin different monsters. We can even look for jobs and point hunters in the correct direction. It would save hunters life's and help innocents in the process.”

“Charlie this is amazing we could so work on this.” Said Dean his eyes alight with amazement.

“I was worried you would say no but after what you just spoke about.”

“I would feel I’m still helping but would not have to travel. If I have kids, I could still look after them and not worry about exposing them too much.”

“What kids how the? Okay, you’re not telling me everything are you?” Grumbled the red head flapping her arms at Dean in clear frustration.

“Cas said this Omega thing as changes. I could become like an angel. One of them things is I can have kids.” Dean shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Are you happy with that? Just being told what will happen? Having no choice in the matter?” Charlie was puzzled that Dean was not taking this harder then she thought he would. She knew she would freak out for sure.

“Yeah, I have always wanted a family. But with hunting, it was not possible. This here red you have given me so much hope.” Dean hugged Charlie his green eyes danced in delight. “I’m so glad you came into our lives, Charlie.” The hunter said and meant every word.

“Hey, don't you get mushy on me.” Her green eyes twinkled back in the waning sunlight.

Dean could tell she was pleased, so said nothing.

“This needs a Harry Potter marathon.” She declared clapping her hands and standing up. “Come on you go get snacks, and I will set the DVD up.”

“Sure no problem.” Dean grinned at his sister’s enthusiasm. They both watched DVDs until Castiel got back and Charlie had to go back home.

“I promise I will call, you Dean. I will make this up to you. When I have a better plan, I will let you know, and we can show Cas.”

“Sure that will be great red. Love you, little sister.” He whispered in her ear.

“I love you too big brother. Now you better get better okay? Ring if u need me.”

“I will I promise.” And Dean meant it. They hugged, and Castiel came to take her home.

"Bye bitches she yelled, doing the Vulcan sign."

Dean laughed at Charlie and the look of astonishment on his angels face.

 

 

oOOOOOoOOoooOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOO

 

 

That night before Dean went to sleep Castiel asked him if he had a good day.

“Yes, Cas it was great talking with her. I just need to see Sam and Gabe and put that right.”

“We will see about that Dean.” The angel muttered, seemly bothered about the whole conversation.

“Just talk with Gabe please Cas.” The hunter implored his mate.

“I will do that. Now sleep, you must be tired.” The angel kissed the hunter and stroked his fine hair.

Dean started to drop off to sleep. The angel did not want to tell his mate where he had been that day. This could be the last night he spends in this beautiful man's arms, he treasured it and held on tight. Memorizing everything, because he knew within his heart Dean would not want him once he told him what had transpired that day in the bunker.


	29. Chucks Bellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chucks come's and shouts at the Angels and Sam for the way they have treated Dean. But does Dean agree with him?

Castiel knows that Charlie would look after Dean. He would not normally have anyone in the nest. This was different, Charlie would be no threat to him or Dean. She was neutral, and Dean needed that contact. So against his better instincts, he left the pair in the nest and flew to the bunker.

“Cassie glad that you could come.” Remarked the archangel who was waiting for him. 

He had spoken with his brother because Dean often asked about Sam and how he was doing. He needed to get to the bottom of the problem, for his mate's peace of mind. 

“We need to talk, Gabriel. I have left Dean, and I don’t like it, not yet. So have you spoken with Sam about what transpired the other day?”

“Yes we have talked, it’s not been easy. Why are humans so complicated?” Gabriel popped a Hershey's kiss into his mouth and hummed as the flavor burst over his taste buds. “Sit down Cas, and I’ll tell you what transpired. I honestly thought you were going to smite Sam, and there was not much I could do about it.” Confessed the Archangel rubbing his face in a clear sign of stress.

“It was a close call.” Groused the Seraph. "It was Sam, so I managed to hold back. Just barely may I add.”

“Yeah, I get that. If anyone tried that with me. I’m not sure I would have had that tenacity to hold back. Anyway, I grabbed Sam, and we came back here. I sat him down, and he was in a rage, not seen Sam like that before.” 

Castiel could see the older angel was shocked. Not much could upset his fun-loving brother, but he actually loved Sam Winchester. This must be hurting him, but he knew Gabriel would never voice that out loud.

“I tried to talk to him, but nothing was getting through. I tried Cassie I truly did.”

“Where is Sam now brother?” Asked Castiel in a thoughtful mood.

“In his room. He’s not come out. Well only for food and the bathroom.”

“I think I know what will help. Get him out here use whatever method you can. I know by doing this I may be violating Dean’s trust, but it must be done.”

“What are you talking about Cassie?” Probed the older angel not sure what his brother was on about, but wanting to know.

“Just do it, Gabriel.” Growled the younger angel, in no mood for an argument.

The Archangel huffed and frowned. “Just because it’s you I will let that slide. Fine I will get Sam.” The only way Gabriel could get the younger hunter out of his room was tying him to one of the library chairs.

Castiel stalked forward and got to eye level with the younger hunter. "Sam, you will listen to me. What I’m going to show you is Dean’s memories, all of them. You need to see what your brothers been through. The pain he’s been through and the pains he’s in at the present moment. Then maybe, just maybe you will stop being selfish and see what damage you have caused.”

Without a word, he placed his fingers on the hunter’s forehead and made Sam see into Dean’s world. Sam screamed and cried and shouted, but the angel did not stop.

Suddenly the room lit up and there stood Chuck. He looked angry. The angel’s father looked more like the God he was known for. Then the friend Dean and Sam were associated with.

“What did you do Castiel?” Chuck's voice boomed around the bunker. Books fell off shelves, and something fell to the floor with a bang in the direction of the kitchen.

Castiel's eyes glowed blue his Onex wings, shot out of his back, and he trembled. “Father I- I needed Sam to see.” He stumbled with the words has he looked upon his all-powerful dad.

“What, so you violated Dean’s trust in you. I could look over the soul bond Castiel that saved his life. Do you not all realize why the man took his life in the first place? Not one of you were there for him. He screamed so loud I could hear his pain in heaven. He wanted to talk Castiel yet you ignored him, again. I thought this bond between you was a good thing, but I’m having second thoughts.”

Castiel's eyes widened he had been chosen to have Dean. “No father please don’t take him away from me.” Pleaded the young angel, tears marked his face.

“That’s really not up to you is it now. You all should be ashamed of yourself. You Samuel Henry Winchester.” Chuck pointed to the hunter tied to the chair.

Sam shrank back making himself look small. Which was absurd from someone so tall and thick set has Sam was. 

“Dean looked after you, yet you were a brat at times. Dean loved you anyway. He went to bed hungry so that you could have a full belly. He sold himself so you could have clothes and go on school trips. He sacrifices himself so much for you, yet the one time he needs you, you can’t be there. You laugh and joke yet can’t see his pain. You will apologize for your behavior and start to make things right. Do I make myself clear?” Roared Chuck narrowing his eyes alight with a golden light, almost like a flickering flame.

“Yes, sir.” Whimpered Sam in shame hanging his head, not wanting to look into the Gods eyes any longer.

Chuck turned to his older son next. “You Gabriel, have been a friend that much is true. But laughs and jokes are fine son, at the correct time. Dean needed you, and yet you can’t talk to him? Time after time he needed your advice, and you walked away. This is not why I brought you back. You've wanted a family, and I gave you one. This is not how you treat family. You are their protector. Gabriel protect them.”

“Yes, father forgive me.” Said Gabriel sniffing, tears forming in his honey colored eyes. He had been given a family, and he had not treated everyone great. He would make up for that, he knew he had to, or his father would take it all away.

Chuck then turned to his younger son. "Castiel you need to tell Dean the truth about what you have done here today. Then if he still wants you, you need to sit and talk with him. You won’t get angry; you won't run or hide. Do I make myself clear? Also, you will be on a trial period. If after the trial ends, I still don’t think you're worthy of being Deans mate I will break the bond."

“But I thought the bond could not be broken.” Cried out Castiel not liking what he heard one bit. 

“There is one way I just never thought I had to bring it up. If a soul cry’s out in pain. I can end the bond. I can hear Dean’s pain from here Castiel. If it goes on for much longer, I will be asking your mate what he truly wants.”

Blinding white light surrounded Chuck, and he had gone. Castiel fell to his knees, in fear and sadness. No, he can’t lose Dean. He loved Dean. What had they all done? What were they doing? He needed to fix this, and he had no idea how.

“I need to get back to Dean, Gabriel. I need to take Charlie home. I will call you both to talk with Dean soon.” Castiel spoke in a monotone voice like the stiff angel he once was. Before he knew about humanity and the Winchesters.

Gabriel looked worried, his brother had been so much better. He had the stick removed out of his ass, but now he was reverting back. This was not good; he needed to do something before he lost them all.

“I just want to spend one more night with Dean.” Before Gabriel could ask what he meant the younger angel had blinked out and vanished.


	30. Deans true self.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets Castiel to see what he will miss if he goes back to heaven.

The next day Castiel waited for Dean to get into the shower and he started packing his clothes. He was moving the hunter back into the bunker. He knew once he had told Dean what he had done, the older man would look at him with discuss. The angel could not take that, not from his beautiful mate. He would go back to heaven and beg his father’s forgiveness. Reprise his role of a warrior in the angel army.

Dean walked out towel low around his waist. His freckled skin hot and flushed from the hot water. He saw Castiel sorting through his clothes putting them in a suitcase. 

“Cas what are you doing? Are we moving out?" Asked Dean puzzled at his angel's behavior.

“You are Dean. I want you to move back to the bunker. I’m going back to heaven.” The angel purposely avoided looking into green eyes; he knew if he looked into them jade green eyes he would crumble.

“Why what did I do? Did I do something wrong?" The hunter's lip wobbled, and he fought back tears. The angel did not want him anymore, but why? He needed answers; he needed to get to the bottom of this.

"You did nothing sweetheart it's me. When you find out what I did, you will, not want me. I'm a failure. All the times I hurt you. I- You need someone better. I- Your life. A mate that will love and take care of you. Not a broken down reject of an angel that I am."

"Castiel you will stop and tell me what's going on," Shouted Dean. Going red in the face. "Did you cheat on me?" Asked the hunter. Standing with his arms folded. A deadly look on his face.

"No, I would never." Growled the angel angrily.

"Did you hurt Sam or Gabriel? Yelled Dean walking towards the angel.

"No I-I was helping yo-. Sam." The angel stuttered but could not carry on.

"So you went to the bunker and tried to make things better with Sam. Is that what you're telling me?" Insisted the hunter.

"I shared your memories. Chuck came down and said I violated your trust. I was on probation as your mate. He said he could break the bond. But only if your soul screamed to him in heaven, if you were in pain. He said he could hear it." Sniffed the angel not looking at the hunter.

"So you're telling me, that you tried to help me, put things right with Sam? Dean said in a low gravely tone. "Yes, I get that you should have asked to share the memories, but you did it for the right reasons. I'm not mad at you Cas."

"You should be." Snapped the angel. You should shout at me, Dean. You always forgive me. I beat you up. I betrayed your trust. Why Dean why don’t you see how broken I am?" Cried the angel rubbing at his blue eyes in misery.

"Cas you will listen to me. You made mistakes, but we all do that. You thought you were doing the right thing. You hurt me, yes but you've made up for that, when you walked in that barn that day, that's when I started loving you. I love you angel, and I won't stop."

"You need to go. I'm no good for you." Sniffed the angel, looking so sad and down, Dean was worried for him.

"Okay then take me back to the bunker. Did you know Castiel that I have never had sex with a man? I think I will go back to the bunker and find a guy and let them have this.” Dean took the towel off and threw it on the floor. "You see this mark it will fade, and I will be free. Let the other guy touch me here." Said Dean tweaking his dusky pink nipples. "They will kiss me and caress my skin Cas.” The hunter let out a loud moan. "Is that what you want? To let someone else have me? Take me. Ride me, fuck me? Let them dominate me. You have seen my thoughts; you know I what I want. What I need. So take me back then Cas, Go one then." Smirked the hunter knowing he had got to the angel.

The angel growled, his eyes glowing blue. His grace shimmering to the surface. His black wings sprouted forth from his back. They arched out in dominance, over his mate. Showing him who the hunter belonged to. "Your mine Dean Winchester no one else's." 

The angel stalked forward and grabbed the hunter and kissed him. The kiss sent Dean knees to jelly. It was scolding hot. Castiel showing his dominance. Dean opened his mouth, and Castiel tongue probed his hot mouth seeking acceptance. Dean moaned into the kiss and pulled away trying to catch his breath.

"You taking me back then angel?" The hunter could barely talk after that display by his angel but needed to see if his mate was now on the same page has he was.

"No, you're staying here in the nest. No one sees you like this. Do you understand me, Dean?" He growled out loud, holding the younger man tight in his tight grip.

"Yes, Cas I understand." Smiled Dean. He could not keep his eyes off the magnificent wings. He had seen shadows on the wall in the barn. But this was the real thing. "Can I touch them, please" He begged. Dean's hand were getting closer but the wings vanished, and Dean pouted.

The angel laughed. "Don’t be sad sweetheart; you can touch once we have the Handfasting ceremony. Then you can groom me, and I will show you how to touch them."

"Cas don't leave me like this, please. Just I need you, angel. I love you." Trembled Dean needing more than the angel was offering at that present time.

"I know sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I keep saying that don’t I. Will you let me call Gabriel and we can set a date for the Handfasting ceremony. I will give you a book, and you will see what you have to do. Dean, I want to do all the things I saw in that head of yours. I never thought for one minute you would need guidance, and someone to dominate you. Someone like me to make you happy. I will try my best for you sweet boy."

"Maybe we can do this together. I can say what I don’t and do like."

The angel smiled and kissed Dean again and pulled him closer. He realized that Dean had no erection and thought this was strange but said nothing on the matter. "Dean, I want to start acting like a real angel's mate, from now on. Also, I want you to start buying the clothe you heart desire. If you want to wear stockings and skirts and panties, then do so."

"You don’t think I'm weird? You won't hate me?" Whispered Dean turning away from the angel.

"I could never hate you, Dean. I like the fact you can be yourself. I think you like pretty things. I will enjoy seeing you in them. I will get a card for you, put your touch around the cabin, and dress how you wish. Only I will see it. Please be yourself; I feel it will help your recovery."

"How did I get so lucky, Cas to find you. I love you so much, never do anything this stupid again do you hear me? Now unpack my clothes and let's get something to eat." Bossed the Hunter going to find some clothes to put on.

The angel grinned and did as he was told. Dean Winchester was something special that was for sure. He would treasure every day he spent with this amazing man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda enjoyed doing this one.


	31. Hiccups and talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About the ceremony. Dean and Sam sort there issues out.

Gabriel had gladly said he would do the ceremony that Saturday. Castiel had given Dean one of his books so the hunter would know what he would have to wear and what he would need to say.  
Castiel had brought up an ornate box. It was carved with intricate details. Dean recognized the tree of knowledge and the tree of life. There were also the first humans, Adam and Eve depicted on the box, with animals at their feet. Angels flew around their heads, with different musical instruments in their hands. The angel would not let him see what was inside and Dean did not want to open it anyway.

Gabriel had flown in and brought Dean and Castiel's robes. Deans were white linen trousers and a long white shirt that reached down to his knees. The only colours were a silk belt in burnt orange. Castiel’s was the same only in black. His belt was a dark purple, however. 

“Cas why am I in white and you in black? Is there a reason for the silk belts?” The hunter wanted to know everything he could.

“You’re in white because it depicts your purity.” Before Dean could talk, the angel held up his hand and stopped him. “This has nothing to do with sex. Your soul is pure, and the white shows that. The orange is the colour of the core of your soul. I'm in black because it denotes my rank and title. The purple is the core of my grace.”

“All I see is blue when your eyes do that weird glowy thing.” Giggled the hunter.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “All angels have a different core colour, it only really has any true meaning at this ceremony.”

Dean read up about the words he needed to use. It spoke little about the box of Oben. Just that the human had to be kept in the dark about it. It did not worry Dean. He had put his complete trust in Cas. Dean was more worried about seeing Sam. Castiel had told him he would be there. 

“Did you want me to bring him to see you, Dean?” Asked Cas on the day before the Ceremony.

“Yeah but only if he wants to Cas. I just want my family to be together and be happy. I feel my depression and trying to kill myself made it all worse. Sometimes I think I should just run and never come back. You would all be better off without me.” Dean sat heavily on the leather couch when he said that.

The angel knew he had to say something. He could not let thoughts like this fester in his mates head. Dean wanted this he told himself, he was an Alpha and Dean was Omega. He needed to step up and be what his mate needed him to be. So with little courage and little faith in his own abilities. The angel tried to be what he knew Dean needed him to be.

“Dean you will not talk like this. Stand and come here now please.” Said the angel kindly but sternly.

The hunter stood and looked down shuffling his feet.

“I do not want to hear another thing about you running away. That will solve nothing. We, your family let you down, and we will need to change. This is not your fault. If you keep talking so badly about yourself, I will have you over my knee and will tan your backside. I won’t have this negative talk are we clear boy.”

“Yes, sir.” Said Dean pouting.

“Good.” Castiel stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair. “I love you very much and only want what’s best for you. I will get Sam but let me make this clear he will have this one chance. But if he fails you. He won’t see you again until I see fit.”

“Okay, Sir. Thank you.”

“You’re most welcome. Now I want you to go get a shower and put some clean clothes on. I will expect you down in thirty minutes are we clear?”

“Yes, sir.” Dean started to move, but the angel pulled him back.

“Did we forget something young man?” Scolded the angel with his eyebrows raised.

Dean smiled and hugged his angel. “I love you to Cas.”

“Good now go.”

Dean rushed off, and the angel huffed out a large breath. 'Well, so far that went well. We will see how he copes when Sam and Gabriel are around.' He thought to himself only time would tell.

Gabriel flew into the meadow with Sam. Sam sat on the blanket that Castiel had already provided. The angel walked towards the visitors.

“Gabriel, Sam nice to see you.”

Sam stood up with his head bowed. “Castiel I want to apologize for the way I acted the last time I was here. It was wrong of me and rude. It won’t happen again.”

“It won’t happen again you're right Sam. Do you understand I'm giving you a second chance just because Dean asked for this? If it were me you would not be back here.” Grumbled the angel.

“Yes, Castiel. I’m sorry. I just want to see my brother.”

“You won’t get to see him for long. He has the Ceremony to prepare for. You can talk longer tomorrow if time allows.”

Sam nodded and sat down again. Not saying anything more.

“Wares Dean?” Asked the older angel. Wondering where his friend was.

“He’s just getting a shower and changed. He will be out soon.”

They waited, but still no Dean. Castiel excused himself and went to look for the hunter.

 

 

OooooooooooooooooooO

 

 

Dean was looking out of the window out into the meadow. Castiel looked over and hugged his mate. He put his head on the other's shoulder.

“He said sorry to me just now. He’s just sat down not saying much. Said he wants to see you.”

“I’m kinda scared.” Puffed out, Dean. “I’m a hunter Cas, and I’m scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Dean. He’s your little brother, and he hurt you. Not just now but in the past. Will you come with me? You trust me don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Smiled the hunter with no hesitation what so ever.

“Well come with me, and I will be by your side. He can’t hurt you, Dean, not when I am there.” Castiel held out his hand, and the hunter took it. “I think you're so brave, sweet boy. Doing this, being scared and facing something that scares you. It’s braver than facing any monster.” Ensured the angel hoping he was helping his mate in the right way.

“Thanks’ Cas,” Dean said and held tighter to the angel.

“You're welcome, sweet boy. Now come on I made that lemonade you love so much.”

“Do we have pie?” Asked Dean hoping the answer would be yes.

“What kind of mate would I be if I did not have pie?” The angel laughed.

Dean grinned at his angel. At least, he was learning the right kind of humour now.

 

 

OoooooooooooooooooO

 

 

Castiel flew Dean down into the meadow. He was proud of Dean for coming down when he was so worried. Working through the issue and voicing the problem. Not easy for Dean to do at all. Castiel went and got the lemonade and pie, and Gabriel went halfway with him. The angels left the brothers, but they could hear every word that they were saying.

Sam stood up and went over to his big brother. “Dean I want to say how sorry I am for everything. For how I treated you when I was little. For leaving you with dad and going to college, and not once thinking of you. I want to say sorry for having a go at you for ending your life. I guess I was scared, and you’re my big brother you’re always so strong. I need to look after you now. I was horrid to you, and I laughed at you. I want to ask for forgiveness. I don’t deserve that, but I hope you still want me in your life.”

“Of course I do Sammy. You’re my little brother. I love you.”

“One day I want to talk with you about how you ended up in the bathroom when you’re ready.”

Dean turned and looked at the Cabin. “Well at least someone does.” Muttered the older hunter.

“Cas does not want to talk about it?” Asked Sam.

“No, he won’t. I wish he would. He has seen my memories Sam, and so have you. But memories are well and good, but that’s not my thoughts. That’s the main reason I spoke with Charlie. I do this Handfasting thing soon, and he won’t talk. It’s stupid.”

“I know the last ritual and what he wants to do.” Grinned Sam “Don’t let him until you’ve talked.” The younger hunter shrugs and smiles.

“You may be right there.” Laughs Dean. "Not that that’s an issue at the moment." 

“What do you mean?” Asked Sam slightly confused.

“Well, you know dude, depression can. Err well.” Dean went red and hoped his brother got where he was going with this.

“Oh, oh, got you.” Said Sam his eyes going bright. “Does he get that?” Enquired Sam.

“Nope, he’s a clueless angel. Gabe would but not Cas.”

“You sure you want to do this tomorrow.” Sam looked worried for his big brother.

“Yeah, I’m ready. I love him, Sammy. Just wish he would talk to me.”

Sam hugged his brother and smiled. 

“Don’t be getting soft on me bitch.” Dean grinned.

“Jerk.” Sam laughed.

They would be okay. They were the Winchester brother's after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor clueless Cas, but I loved the talk between the angel and Dean it was so sweet.


	32. Help me brother.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel helps Castiel through a difficult situation.

The angels listen to what Dean and Sam were talking about. Gabriel looked with sharp honey eyes when Dean said Castiel would not talk about him harming himself.

“Really.” Hissed the Archangel. “Dad said he would take Dean away and you won’t talk with him, Cassie. What the heck are you playing at little brother?”

“I don’t know. I just can’t bring myself to.” Grumbled the younger angel.

“Well, I won’t do the service if by tomorrow night this talk as not happen. Do you hear me Castiel?” Shouted Gabriel trying to get his brother to do something about this mess he had gotten himself into.

The younger angel jumped at his full name being used. “Yes, I will don’t worry.” The angel said prudently.

“Oh I won’t worry bro you will talk. I will lock you both in a room if I have to.” The older angel winked.

And Castiel knew that was no idle threat either. When Dean mentioned he could not get arousal, Castiel wondered what he was going on about. "He was not aroused the other day. That’s why I did not take things further. I told him we could do it after the ceremony. Did I not do the right thing?" The younger angel looked upon his brother with a measure of innocence in his blue eyes.

“Oh, Cassie your so naive baby brother. That would be the depression; it can course a loss of libido.” Explained Gabriel, to the innocent angel.

“Oh so what do I need to do?” Frowned Castiel a little worried for his mate.

“Talk to him. Ask him. This bond won’t last if you don’t communicate. That arousal issue is a sure sign that the hunter is not happy.”

“I won’t let him down. I won’t Gabe. I love him.” Implored the angel.

“Sometimes love's not enough bro.” Gabriel looked sadly upon the little angel of Thursday.

Castiel started to panic. “He’s my best friend, and I let him down. I won’t leave him to do this by himself anymore.”

Castiel grabbed the pie and shoved it at Gabriel, and he went and got the cups and lemonade. “Now my hunter needs pie, and I’m going to give it to him.” The angel stomped off in a huff.

The angels went back to the two hunters, and Castiel made sure Dean had two slices of pie and two cups of the cool lemonade. He knew when his mate was tired and called it a day.

“Dean needs his rest. I think we should call it a day.” Sam and Gabriel hugged goodbye and said they would see each other the next day. The night will be the full moon. It was lucky they would be one, and Castiel would not have to wait an entire month for the ceremony. He knew his brother would not let it happen if they did not talk though.

So Castiel made Dean a lasagne which he knew he loved with plenty of garlic bread. He made banana jello with almond cream.

“Okay, Cas.” Said Dean suspecting something was bothering his angel. “What do you need? What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk Dean.” Said the angel looking sad at the realization.

The smile faded off the hunter's face, and he walked softly to the leather couch and sat. The angel followed and wondered what was going through his mates head and wished he knew.


	33. The pain of the matter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk between Dean and Castiel, pain, and hurt. Will they sort their problems out in time for the Handfasting?

Castiel needed to get everything out in the open, to show Dean that he cared and wanted to know about all of his problems. "Before we go through with the Handfasting Dean. I think we need to talk about things that are bothering us. One of the problems we have at the moment. We have not spoken about what happened leading up to you trying to take your life. I want our new life to be full of communication and honesty.

“Okay. I can do that angel.” Dean replied with dull green eyes.

Castiel tried to reach out and soothe his mate.

“Please don’t touch me Cas.” Dean backed away from his angel's touch.

Castiel felt like he had been slapped and he did not understand why he was being denied his mates touch.

Dean saw the look on the angels face. “Cas I can’t, when I’m telling you this. After Okay, please understand angel, please.” Pleaded Dean, he hoped Cas would understand.

Castiel looked up and nodded. “Okay, Dean I’ll be there for you.” The little angel had no clue why Dean did not want him at that point. But he would do as Dean wished.

“You have seen all my memories. But I would have thought around that time they would have seemed muddled and distorted. I learned to read Enochian, Latin, and Japanese from Bobby. He was a good teacher. I appear to pick up languages quickly. I loved Spanish and German when I did go to school. I would have liked to have become a teacher. Dad said I was stupid, and the only good thing I could do was look after Sammy and be a Hunter.”

The angel knew he should not interrupt, but the thought his mate had been told that enraged him. “I think you would make a great teacher even now Dean.”

The hunter smiled at the faith the angel had in him but carried on. “Coming up to that time I was thinking back to Dad and Mom, a lot. I was always cooking I loved it, yeah but it felt to me like I did everything around the bunker or motel. I felt worthless. You and Sam would not even let me help with the hunts anymore. I had to turn up, and that was it. I felt I had little or no worth. You flew off and just spoke little to me. You’re my best friend, but it seemed you did not want to spend that long with me like I was not worth it. You spent more time with Sam. Then you started learning to joke, and they were not so nice.”

The angel had started to cry, but Dean just looked on and shook his head. He could not help the angel what he had done. Was not nice, but he had to pay that price.

“I have put up with a lot of shit from you angel, but I never thought you would be cruel. I could not take it anymore, why did you need me? I would be better off dead because I was clearly not wanted. In heaven, everyone I loved was up there in the roadhouse, and they would want me. If I vanished, you would not notice I was gone. That’s why I did it. I was in so much pain, my head hurt, and my body could take no more. You all blame yourself even now. I’m sorry Dean, we should change. We won’t do it again. I don’t think any of you mean it. What are you sorry for Cas? Making me feel unloved? Making me feel stupid? Making me feel so unwanted I no longer wanted to live? Are you all really sorry? Or will it all happen again? My thinking is two, three months of getting back in the bunker the jokes will start. I will be back cooking and cleaning, doing laundry. I have never had a home or a place to live. Someone to love me. You say you love me Cas, but I’m not so sure. Do you really love me or just the thought of me?"

Dean got up and wandered outside he left the angel sitting shocked on the couch. Dean walked to the lake and started throwing rocks and skimming them. He was lost in thought he never heard the angel land behind him.

“The great Dean Winchester all by himself and harmless to easy.” Smirked the angel.

“Oh, we're learning sarcasm now.” Dean rolled his eyes and went back to skimming rocks.

“I’ve been watching a lot of human television. I thought I was quite good.” Huffed the angel indignantly.

“And who are you?” Asked Dean folding his arms.

“Jarvan.” Said the angel. The angel was smaller than Cas. He had red hair and brown eyes. His silver angel blade gripped in his left hand.

Liked that should mean something to the hunter. “Sorry, no idea who you are dude. You come here near a nest. Threatening an angel’s mate are you stupid?” Leered Dean.

“Now Dean don’t call my brother stupid.” Said a low growl coming from the pine trees. “He may just be here for the pleasant view.”

Dean could not help but laugh; his angel really had human humor off to a fine art.

“Castiel what are you doing here brother?” Asked a Confused Jarvin.

“He was looking for me Cas. Saw me all on my lonesome. Poor me.” Sniggered Dean at his mate.

“No. I just knew if I took a Winchester in I would be rewarded.” The angel puffed out his chest.

“You do no me and Chuck are friends right?” Said Dean trying to act seriously.

“You're right Dean; my brother is stupid. Brother, why have you come near my nest and tried to harm my mate?” Growled Castiel tired of this angel’s ineptness on his territory.

“I had no idea he was your mate.” The lesser angel now realized what a mistake he had made.

Castiel raised his eyebrow. His eyes glowing blue with electric grace. The Seraph tapped his angel blade on Dean’s handprint. "I have claimed him long ago brother. You can see my mark. So why do you not believe me?”

“I made a mistake Castiel forgive me.” The angel-backed away, but Castiel came forward his smiting mode in full operation.

“Brother I will give you this chance. But if you or any of you ever and I mean ever come near my nest and mate again. I will cut off your wings and hang them on my cabin to warn others, what will happen if they cross me. Do you understand?” Castiel said it so low and deadly even Dean shivered at his mate's tone.

“Yes, Castiel I’m clear.” Jarvin shook in fear at the mighty Seraph before him.

“Good you can go now.” Castiel waved his hand, and the lesser angel vanished.

Castiel stalked over to the hunter. His blade gone but his eyes still glowed blue. He grabbed Dean by the arms. “If you think for one moment that I don’t love you. That I won’t do anything for you. You are sadly mistaken. I have made mistakes Dean and hurt you. But know this. You’re my mate, and I will look after you, guide you and make you better. If it takes me until the universe implodes. I am yours, and you are mine. Are we clear on this?”

Dean tried to swallow, but it got stuck in his throat. “We are clear Castiel.”

“Come then sweet boy let’s get back to the nest. We have a ceremony to prepare for.”

Dean grinned and kissed the angel. “I love you Cas.”

Blue eyes looked down on green. “And I love you.”


	34. The HandFasting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The HandFasting Ceremony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> () Denotes words in Enochian.

Dean washed in some sweet smelling orange and Jasmin bath oils that Gabriel had given him. He had asked his best friend about the certain issue he had to complete the last bonding ritual. Gabriel told him not to worry. Dean would get better in his own time, and if ever Castiel forced him into anything nest or no nest. He was to press the mark on his hand, and the Archangel would get him.

Dean had wondered what the mark was and now he knew. It was for protection. Gabriel could be called at any time if he was needed.

Jody and Donna came up and helped him into his robes. Castiel had let them all in the nest just for the ceremony. Dean was glad they were here. They had become family to him. The hunter had often wondered if there were something between the two women but said nothing. Claire and Alex were there as well, and he was glad, he like the girls. Castiel needed to spend more time with Claire that was for sure.

"You look great sweetie." Smiled Jody watching the hunter with a motherly tone in her voice.

"For sure, you do." Laughed Donna, tweaking Deans robes. "We should have brought doughnuts."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, and Cas would kill me for getting powder all over me."

"Yeah, best not be doing that. He's scary." Shuddered Donner.

"You don’t know the half of it." Mumbled Dean more to himself.

"He best not hurt you, Winchester." Said, Jody. Looking very maternal and protective of Dean at that moment.

"If he did he would have an Archangel kick his ass." Snorted Dean. "It's just; he's been acting strangely. Since I've been ill. I can't put my finger on what's wrong at all."

"Mmm. Well, I can kick his firm butt, you know." Jody stated firmly.

Donna gasped. "You can't go around looking at angel's butts babe."

"I can if there cute." The sheriff winked.

"Hey, that’s my angel husband" Laughed Dean loving the banter between his friends.

"True. But you have been looking at my ass, so there doesn't seem an issue." Said the blonde haired Deputy.

"Well, you have a nice ass." The hunter said in fits of laughter now.

"She sure does honey." Said Jody joining her friends in the joke,

"Best not tell Cas you like my ass." Giggled Donner, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.

"Nope not even going there." Giggled the hunter trying to calm himself down.

Sam knocked on the door and popped his large body around the wooden frame. "There ready for you Dean. What are you all laughing at?

"Nothing little brother. Well, you best put the blindfold on me girls. Don’t let me fall or Cas will smite you for real."

"No one will let you fall, sweetie." Commented Jody fondly.

Donna kissed her friend. "Don't worry we have you. Why do you need to wear one anyway?" She asked wondering out loud.

"My soul is pure that's why I wear white. I need someone to guide me. I need to do it freely and without sight. I need to do this because I want to do this. It's all about free will." Explained Dean. He hoped he had explained it the best way because he was not a hundred percent sure himself.

They led Dean downstairs. They got to the door. Alex whispered. "Hello." In Deans ear. And the teen held onto the older man's arm and guided him.

"I'm taking you to the circle now Dean. Cas wanted Claire to be on the outside because of the family connection. Charlie would have been too invested, Sams your brother and Jody and Donner. Well, you guess. It's such a beautiful night shame you can't see it."

"That’s fine Alex thank you." Said the hunter grateful for the teen.

"Okay, so Gabriel told me you could back out, it's your last chance. Once you're in the circle, you won't be able to get out until after the ceremony."

Dean stood still. Cas had been acting strangely. He had been acting extra possessive of him. Did that mean he should not do this? He loved Castiel with every molecule of his being. "I'm fine. Thank you, Alex." Dean whispered with nerves in his gruff voice.

"You're near the circle. I'm leaving you now Dean. Good luck." Alex said brightly.

Dean felt a firm hand guide him over the circle. He felt warm air meet him and then voices faded. The blindfold was taken off, and all he saw was Castiel and Gabriel.

Dean knew what was going on he had read the book. He just knew nothing about the box. He was a little apprehensive, but he trusted both the Archangel and his Cas.

"Okay, guys hold hands. Deans left to Cassie's right." Instructed Gabriel. In an unusual solemn voice, for the bubbly Archangel.

Dean placed his hand in the angels, and they held on tight. 

"We will see how close this bond is guys." Smirked the Archangel.

Gabriel twisted orange and purple cloth around their hands. He then tied one knot on Dean's thumb. Then one knot on Castiel's thumb. 

"You are bound and are one. You will be one. You will love and be one. You will be family and be one. You are Alpha and Omega." Chanted the older angel, making sure the bound's were tight.

Castiel faced Dean and spoke his part in Enochian. ("I am Alpha your only mate. I will guide you, offer you my protection. Feed you. Give you family. Give you Life. Be there in darkness and light. Be there in sickness and health. In cold and heat. I will love you and only you. We are one.")

Dean turned to Castiel and again recited his part in Enochian. ("I am Omega, your only mate. I will honor you. I will guide you. Feed you. Give you family. Be there in darkness and light. Be there in sickness and health. In Cold and heat. I will love you and only you. We are one.")

Gabriel opened the box of Oben and inside Dean saw an ornate knife. The knife had a bone handle. It was yellow with age. It had had arrows pointing downwards in black. The blade was silver, long and sharp. Dean shook when Gabriel brought it closer. Castiel looked at Dean and smiled. The hunter knew everything would be alright.

("In light and body and soul") Said Gabriel softly. ("I will bond these two souls. This Alpha angel and this human Omega.") All of a sudden Gabriel brought the knife down, and it slid like butter into the knots. Into both Castiel and Dean's joined hands. Dean felt no pain; he saw no blood. Instead, there was a blinding light. The light so bright it shot up to the heaven's and down into the darkest parts of hell. Gabriel gasped, and Castiel's black wings sprouted out of his back. Gabriel's brown honey colored wings did much the same. Gabriel dropped to his knees, but Castiel stayed standing. Dean's eyes glowed green, and Castiel's glowed blue.

"Cassie the prophecy." Was all that Dean could hear Gabriel cry out. The hunter had never seen anything like it. He could hear bells and trumpets sound. A cacophony of angels sing. "The righteous  
man and his angel, heaven is saved." After ten minutes the lights dimmed, and the Archangel stood and took the knife of Oben out of their joined hands. He placed it into the box. He reverently unwinds the roped that bound the pair. 

"You both are linked; both are one. Go and be one. You are truly blessed. Your bond is blessed by the lips of the universe. The beginning of time you were the original ones. The start of creation on the planet Earth. All Gods and Goddess bless you."

The air around Dean shimmered, and he could now hear his family. They all came around him, Dean looked, but he felt fuzzy. He could only see blackness and knew no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I thought this had gone up before I had answered peoples questions. Not sure what had happened. Hope it shows this time. Keep fingers crossed.
> 
> Keep comments coming thanks for your support.


	35. Surrounded by family.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans family help him. Gabriel gives him a warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> () Denotes Dean's thoughts.

Dean slowly woke he could hear voices all around him. He kept still. Not wanting to wake just yet.

"Is he okay?" 

(Poor Sammy, worried about me.)

"He will be. Don't worry Sam."

(Gabriel such a great friend.)

"How can you say that Gabe. He's my brother."

(It's good to hear Sam worry. Is that strange?)

"The bond was the strongest I have ever seen. I have been alive for a very long time. It just took it out on him; he's human after all."

(Trust Gabe to bring it back to me being human.)

"Brother you will scare him. Give him space."

(My Cas. Wondered where you had got to.)

Boys put the fan on him, give him air now." Ordered Jody, going into protect mode again.

(Jody. I can always rely on you.)

"Let me sit with the poor boy, you three go."

(That was Donna. She was more assertive now, good for her.)

"I don’t care if your angels. Sam, you can go to." 

(Dean had to smile at the bossiness in Jody's tone. He would have to thank her.)

"Dean there gone you can open your eyes now."

Dean opened his eyes and tried to sit up.

"Hey, don’t move too fast fella. Let me grab a drink for ya."

"Thanks, Donna." The bubbly blonde held a straw out for him to drink from. The cold liquid helped soothe his parched throat. Jody put a wet cloth on his neck, and that also helped.

"Hey, big brother how do you feel?" Asked Charlie stroking Dean's hair for comfort.

"Not sure, feel achy and tired." Groaned the hunter.

"Dean." Said Alex "Claire's got you a pie."

"Thanks’ Claire."

"No worries, they were crowding you. Jody wanted them gone for a bit, but they won't be gone for long." She looked sad at the realization.

"That’s okay a little rest will do fine. Cas won't let you stay in the nest for much longer anyway."

"Do you know what happened?" Asked Jody kindly.

"No, I just felt overwhelmed I think." Dean ate his pie and had more to drink. He felt much better.

"Looks like there coming back." Said Claire.

"Let them in one at a time. I can't deal with all of them."

"Don't worry dude; they won't get past Alex or me."

"Sam first. Please." Asked, Dean.

"Okay, no worries. Come on Alex lets guard this room."

"Yep, now that's something you don't see every day. Teenagers telling two mighty angels if they enter this room, they will kick their ass." Chortled Sam, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Oh, believe me there the best guard dogs." Laughed Dean, smiling up at his baby brother.

"So how you feeling? You feel any different?"

Dean lifted his eyebrow. "Should I feel different?"

"I don’t know you were bonded man. They said something about a bright light. We saw nothing."

"Yeah, big bright light. Angel’s choirs and trumpets. Strange as fuck. I tell you, Sammy."

"I bet. You still look like Dean." 

"Cas said I wouldn't change until he's fucked me." Dean shrugged

"TMI. Dean gross." Huffed Sam, going red.

"You asked little bro." Grinned the older hunter.

"Yeah, remind me not to ask next time."

"Well, your times up. Send in Gabe. I will see you soon okay."

"Sure. Send me a message on angel radio."

"Will do." They hugged and said goodbye. Sam knew it would be a while before they saw each other again. Gabriel said after the Handfasting, they had a type of honeymoon. The happy couple did not come out of the nest, for weeks after.

Dean said goodbye to Donna and Jody and Charlie. The teens slipped back into the room and said goodbye.

Gabriel came in and handed Dean a bag of Hershey's kisses. I know you like chocolate Dean-o." He winked. 

"Oh, thanks, Gabe not got any."

"Sure. How are you feeling?"

"Everyone keeps asking that. I'm not sure."

"Yeah, kinda stupid question."

"Nope, not really. Just not sure how to answer."

"I best go before baby brother blows up." Gabriel chuckled.

"Okay, Gabe see you soon."

"Dean I know Castiel has been acting strangely. I am not sure why and it bothers me. If he does anything, you do not like you call me. Please, Dean, he can be dangerous. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Dean was shocked at the serious discussion. He knew in his heart that his friend was right though. "I promise Gabe. I will call you if anything happens, that's my promise. I love you."

Gabriel smiled shocked. "I love you too. You're my family, Dean. "He hugged his best friend. “I never said sorry for killing you all those, times."

"I kinda deserved thirty of them. So I guess we are even."

The Archangel winked. "See you soon Dean-o. I need my trick partner back."

"I will think of some good ones while you're away."

The Archangel waggled his eyebrows and puffed away.

Castiel came in looking shy and reserved.

"Hello, Dean how are you?"

"Not sure Castiel. What the hell happened?"

"I think we broke heaven and hell." The angel grinned.

Dean through himself at his mate. And laughed.

"Did I ever tell you, angel?"

"What's that my sweet boy?" Castiel kissed Dean lightly on his forehead.

"That I love you so damn much."

"I love you too. Would you join me in a warm bath?"

"I think I can manage that."

"Come then, sweetheart."

"So Dean followed his mate into the bathroom. And forgot about his troubles just for that present moment in time.


	36. The drewbacks of passion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Bonds are in place. Castiel feels he has harmed Dean.

Dean saw the tub of herbs on the bath, and he ran. He ran down the stairs and out of the front door. He forgot that it was a full moon and that he was naked. By now he was crying, and his emotions were every were. Why did Cas just find a mate that was not broken? He was broken he could not get it up. The Dean Winchester, the man that had more women and men in his little black book than most people have hot dinners. Could not preform.

He ran to the lake, the moon bright in the sky. The silver shadows of the water, the soft breeze. Then he heard a growl, and he knew he was in trouble. A werewolf, of course, his rotten luck. Castiel would be mad at him and would not come looking. He was going to be eaten by a fricking werewolf. Dean backed up to the lake, the dark, cold fingers of the water lapped over his feet. He saw the shadow of the creature. He wished his mate was here. 'Cas, oh Cas. I wish I were not such a failure. I love you so much. I want you now. I'm going to be torn apart. I wanted to live for the first time in forever. I want to live.' This stark realization hit the hunter like a freight train. Tears flowed freely.

Then all of a sudden he heard wings. He could hear noises and a yelp. He could not see what was happening, but he backed up further. He was now knee deep in the lake. The trees were hiding what was happening, but he was shivering. The night was cold, and he was in the inky lake in fall. He could hear snarls and grunts, and then he listened to a howl. Then silence. The Hunter went further into the lake. He was now up to his chest. Something grabbed his ankle, and he yelled. He saw a bright purple light and blue eyes then all went black.

"Dean wake, my darling boy. Wake for me."

"Cas," He could barely talk. "Cas where am I?" He Croaked, his throat felt hot and scratchy.

"Your safe sweet boy. I have you." Castiel was stroking his hair. "You ran, and then I heard you, Dean. The bond can you hear me?" Dean was about to talk, but the angel put his fingers on his lips. Dean cleared his mind, and he heard the angel. He could hear Cas.

"I can hear you Cas, but that’s not possible." Puzzled the hunter but thinking hurt so he stopped.

"Sweet boy. When have we ever been possible? We broke the mold. We have bonded. Even heaven and hell have that knowledge. My brothers and sister's celebrated. Even Chuck this time, can't break it. They say our children will save heaven."

"I was scared about doing the last bonding." Tears flowed again from the hunters jade green eyes.

"I know sweet boy, but I would not ask anything you can not give."

"Please, would you do the bond and then we can sleep."

"No Dean. I won't force that on you. Only if you're willing."

"Cas I want to do this. I want to pleasure you. Please angel let me do this."

"Very well, we can do this. Only because I can feel you're okay with it."

"Cas what pulled me under?"

"We have something in the lake. Also, I scanned around for supernatural creatures. There were no werewolves in the area. I will talk with Gabriel in the morning, don’t worry yourself with that. I know you can deal, your an amazing hunter. It's just we are off the clock. Let them handle it okay." Smiled the angel, trying to hide his worry.

"Sure let them deal." Nodded the hunter, not at all convinced.

Castiel tipped the herbs in the bath and swished it around.

"Just say what I say but change Alpha for Omega."

"Okay." Nodded Dean.

"We both get in. And wash each other." Instructed the angel

"But I thought we needed sex?"

"It does not have to be penetrative sex. I would like you to give me well you know." The angel looked away red and embarrassed.

"Dean smiled kindly. "I can do that Cas."

The angel stroked Dean's arm. "Thank you, Dean. Only if you're ready."

"Oh, angel. I will show you what my tongue can do." Dean winked seductively at the angel.

The angel's eyes dilated a little, and the hunger was evident in his face.

They both climbed in the bath. Castiel started the ritual. (Alpha. I am one with my mate. Wash me and care for me. Bind me and love me. To the last, to the end. Be one with me.)

(Omega. I am one with my mate. Wash me and care for me. Bind me and love me. To the last, to the end. Be one with me.)

They both washed each other. Making sure the herbs got every ware. Their hair was washed and rinsed. Castiel cleaned his mate so reverently so softly that Dean never had such love lavished on him before. They both got out but did not dry. Castiel got a giant pink blanket. Because he knew Dean liked pink. He spread it on the bed so the water would not ruin the mattress. He lay with his mate and kissed Dean. 

"I'm ready Dean. Please mate me. Please." Begged the angel.

Dean kissed down the angel's throat and sucked on his neck. Leaving his own marks, he was quite proud of them. He sucked on the angel's dusty pink nipples. The bud's going hard between his teeth. He blew over them, making the angel shiver.

"Oh, Dean. Please more." The angel begged.

Dean felt great, this powerful creature underneath him and he was in control. "I promise angel. I will give you more babe."

Dean kissed down the angel's side and licked and sucked. He hoped one day to spend more time on his mate. Learning everything that got him hot and bothered. He kissed the angel's thigh and licked his ass hole. The angel jumped and bucked thrusting his hard aching cock toward's Dean. Dean licked the pre-cum that was trickling out of his angels pretty cock.

"Oh, angel you have the prettiest cock." Dean licked the large vein on the underside of his angel's cock." It was on the large side, thick and uncut. 

The angel moaned and begged Dean for more.

 

Dean kissed the head, and put his tongue in the head and licked it. "Mmm, angel you taste like heaven." Dean held onto the base of the cock. His other hand stroked and fondled his balls. He pressed and caressed his perineum sending jolts of electric zipping up the angel's spine.

"Oh, Dean. Oh, baby more." Shouted out the angel.

"That's right Angel you let go, baby. Smiled Dean loving taking the ancient creature apart like this. His skin flushed, his blue eye closed in sweet rapture, his mouth open in bliss.

Dean started sucking on the angel's cock. He made his mouth into a tight vacuum, and he pumped and twisted. He hollowed out his cheeks and hummed. Dean sucked on his fingers getting them wet. He circled the angel's ass and started slowly penetrating the tight ring of muscles. He sucked and bobbed his head, getting the fat cock wet and slippery. He looked up at the angel and winked at him.  
Dean found the little nub inside, and the angel screamed and came. Hot thick spurts of cum shot down Dean's throat. Dean lapped it up. It tasted like nothing he had felt before. Like rainbows and lemons, not bitter but something he would want to taste again.

"Fuck Dean you're 'unbelievable. Baby boy."

Dean could not believe his ears. Did Cas just drop the F-Word? Dean crawled up the angel's body, and he got into a wet heated kiss. The angel loved the fact he could taste himself. 

Castiel felt down dean's body and realized Dean was still not aroused. He stopped kissing the man and realized he had done something very wrong. Know way should he have done this. He pushed Dean into this. He said nothing because what would he say?

 

The angel got up on slightly wobbly legs. And dragged Dean back into the bathroom. He ran the hot bath and tipped the herbs back in again. They said the same words as before and washed. Castiel dried Dean and Dean dried Castiel.

"So is that it?" Asked the hunter after nothing happened.

"Yes, my sweet." Said Castiel, somewhat subdued by his actions. "We are bonded. Your heat will hit in four weeks time. It's up to you if you want me to help you. There are toys I can get for you if you don’t wish me to."

"Cas what if I can't. "Said the hunter sadly, thinking back to the issue he had.

"Then we wait, until you can. I will get you better. Not because of this Dean because I want you better. You deserve everything. The best of everything a family and to be loved." You need someone better than me. The angel thought sadly to himself.

Dean just hugged his angel not aware of the inner battle. Castiel had put up walls that Dean could not access. They both went to bed and held each other. Dean slept tired from his day. Castiel watched over the hunter like he always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean did consent to this. (I tried to make sure the sex seemed rushed. Dean wanted it over and done with. Like he said he just wanted to go to bed) Castiel just seems to be in the same place has Dean. The problem with Depression it can put pressure on our love ones and make them question their own actions.


	37. The darkness inside.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes dark and Dean calls for help.

Dean wanted to talk with his mate. He could not get over calling the angel that. The angel said there were new rules and he wanted to get things straight what could he do and would could he not do. So after breakfast, the next day after the bonding he sat his angel down.

"Okay. Cas so I need to know where I stand. What things can I do and can't I do. I don’t want to be reading a book and you getting mad again. Here is the list of punishment's you wanted. You promised you would sit with me if that ever happens."

"Of course, Dean." Smiled the angel trying the best he could to listen. "I think if we had a job list that we attended to around the nest. I still feel that there are certain things you still can't manage. We still need to build trust with the nail incident. I know you have the traffic light system in place. But you hurt yourself before but never told me."

"Would you punish me if I hurt myself?" Asked Dean wanting an honest answer.

"Never." The angel looked quite shocked. "That’s not a possibility Dean. I would never." The angel was going red in the face. "It would mean I let you down." 'I have done that enough already he thought to himself.'

"No angel it would not mean that. It would mean I had a bad day. You can't blame yourself for me having a bad day." Dean was starting to worry about how his angel was acting now.

"I guess you’re right," Castiel said sadly.

"I know I am angel." Said Dean a little upset. "We need to talk with each other. I think every Friday night without fail. We need to sit and talk about the week."

"Yes, I agree. I like that idea."

"It's hard for me to tell you stuff. But you will sense me when my mood dips. I can tell you when I am having issues. I have to trust you Cas. Just because I find that hard. Does not mean you’re a bad mate. It means people have not been great in my life and I find it hard to trust. Do you understand that?"

"I see. Thank you for telling me that Dean. I feel I have failed you." The angel's lip wobbled slightly, but he corrected himself.

"I know angel. But you have never failed me. You have saved me. You said in the library; you thought I was leaving you. I scared you."

"I know how I treated you, Dean. I was. I was horrid to you. I can never make up for that. The fact that you're my mate. I don't think I deserve you." The angel wiped tears from his eyes angry with himself.

Dean laid a hand on Castiel's. "I love you Castiel because of you, not because you saved me from hell."

"I know Dean." Sniffed the angel

"I'm not sure you do angel." Said Dean with a frown on his freckled face. "Well come up with a list of the things I can and can't do. I will follow them okay."

"Okay, Dean I can do that."

Dean kissed the angel and left him on the couch. How was he going to reassure the angel that he loved him?

Over the next weeks, Dean asked Gabriel to bring sheets of paper. He worked in the shed while Gabriel distracted the younger angel. He made a little wooden bee. He made a list of 300 reasons why he loved the angel. Castiel still had not come up with the list of things he could not do. He just went about the nest and did jobs with no restrictions.

Castiel had seen Gabriel around the nest grounds and was getting a little jealous. Why was Dean always around the Archangel? Did Dean like Gabriel more than him? Did Gabriel want to breed with Dean? Stupid thoughts but they got worse. The angel forgot the list, and his mood got worse. Forgetting Dean could sense it the hunter became more attentive making sure the younger angel had everything he could.

On the end of the third week. Dean was starting to feel a little unwell. His skin was flushed, and he felt hot. He had changed his tee-shirt three times that day. Instead of helping his mate through this Castiel was twisted up in jealousy and could not see his mate was suffering.

Dean had gone outside Gabriel had brought Dean Sunflower’s forget-me-nots and cornflowers. Castiel's favourite flowers. Not available at this time of year. The hunter had the little wooden bee and the list of why he loved the angel with him. All the angel saw was his brother and he flipped. When Dean came inside, he grabbed the poor hunter.

"Why are you outside? You no it's not allowed."

"No Cas I don’t. You never gave me the list."

"Silence. Such insolence. Jeans down, boxes down and legs spread now." Hissed the angry angel.

"No Cas I won't do that." Said Dean worried about his mate.

"You dare defy me?" Spat the angel shaking with rage.

Dean pressed his hand, and the Archangel flew into the nest.

"Dean," Gabriel said looking around seeing what the issue was.

"Take me home Gabriel. I don’t want to be here anymore."

The older angel looked on sadly and grabbed the hunter and was gone in seconds.

Castiel screamed and shouted at his older brother. He saw the flowers then. He picked up the letter and the little wooden bee. Then he came to his senses and smelt the sweet heat of his mate.

What had he done? He had broken the best thing he had. Now Gabriel had Dean, and he was left with nothing. Why was he feeling like this? He hated this feeling so wrong. What was he to do? He fell to his knees and sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas in trouble again? Somethings wrong with our angel?


	38. The core of the problem.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets taken ill. Dean and Gabriel help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Castiel tries to harm himself) Please don't read is this matter upsets you. Always keep safe.

Gabriel landed with Dean in the bunker, and Sam rushed to his side.

"What's going on Dean? Wares Cas?"

"There's something wrong with Cas. He's gone crazy. He was quite jealous and possessive, which angel mates can get. Castiel was getting more so; then he should be. He just tried to punish me when he saw me with Gabe. I think he assumed you were going to claim me, Gabe. I also believe my heats hitting me.

"Yes, it will Dean. Why did I not see this? My brothers in trouble and I never spotted it."

"Don’t be mad at yourself Gabe. I think with what happened with me; he was so down. He was wondering why I had done this to myself. He got he was the trigger though. He could not get his head around the fact I wanted to leave him, his best friend. He had loved me for so long. This bond was thrust on him. I think we all forget that."

"Cassie's had no time to get used to it." Said Gabriel looking worried. "Angels work differently to humans. Castiel more or less had loved you, Dean, from the start. He would have no clue though what the feelings were. Then when he became human, he began to feel. Then he became an angel again; he had to deal with grace and feelings. Not easy for a powerful being like me, never mind someone like little Cassie. Then he gets one of the most powerful bonds in the universe dumped on him. He's an Alpha angel, so he feels he has to fix you. When you have not got better with your libido issue, he's felt worse. He's utterly broken under strain, it’s got too much for him. Oh, Cassie, why the hell did you not come to me, little brother?" Cried out, Gabriel.

"What will happen to Cas?" Asked Sam worried for his friend?

"Well, he could go nuclear. His grace could explode, he could die." Said Gabriel sadly not wanting to sugar-coat the situation.

"What?" Yelled Dean shocked at his friend's words. "No, I can't lose him, Gabe. I've only just got him."

"Hey, it's okay we can stop this happening. Now we no, what the issue is. I can help him, Dean. I can neutralize him. Bring his grace back into balance and once again sit down with him and talk."

"We have, but he still feels like he's let me down. That’s why I made him the bee and the letter and got the flowers." 

"I see." Said, Gabriel. "You're a great angel’s mate. Just keep doing what you're doing. I would trust no one else with my little brother Dean."

 

 

 

OooooooooooooooooooO

 

 

 

The little angel went up to the bathroom. He cried, he could not do this anymore. He hurt Dean and let him down so many times. His mate had made this little bee. He loved bees. Dean had written three hundred times why he loved Castiel. He had got Gabriel to bring him flowers because it would cheer him up. At that one point in time, he knew how Dean felt that day in the motel. He knew why he tried to take his life. Castiel could not take it anymore. Stupid angel, can’t even keep your mate happy. You keep hurting him. I’m broken.

Castiel climbed in the bathtub. He got his angel blade out. And he pointed it at his throat.

 

 

 

OoooooooooooooooooO

 

 

 

Dean and Sam were looking at books that the Archangel said would help them. Anything about humans and angel bonding. So far they had found very little on the subject.

All of a sudden Dean stopped, he stood and closed his eyes. Then he opened them. "Gabriel take me to Cas now. He's trying to harm himself." Gabriel ran to Dean, and they were gone in a flash.

 

 

OooooooooooooooooO

 

 

 

All of a sudden there were arms around him. The angel blade clattered to the floor, and Castiel sobbed into the person's arms.

"Hey, now angel let it out come on. That’s it tell me what’s going on in that wonderful head of yours. Come on sweetheart talk to me." Soothed Dean, wanting his angel to speak to him.

"I let you down. I can’t heal you. I can’t make love to you. I broke you. I can’t make you happy. I lost you so long ago, and I can’t get you back. You don’t want me anymore. I am useless, and I’m not wanted. Chuck or Gabriel or my brothers or sisters. No one wants the rebel angel. I am truly alone.” Cried the little angel lost in the large bathtub.

Dean looked at Gabriel and shook his head. “Sweetheart, you have a family. You have Sam and Gabriel. Donna and Jody, Claire and Alex. You have me. Do you think I would leave you ever?”

“You came back? You came back for me?” Whispered the little angel.

“I will always come back for you. Even when you don’t want me, angel.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not the mate you need.” Sobbed the angel out loud.

“Cas, your bad ass babe. Who fought that werewolf and the thing in the lake? That angel. You were going to take on Gabe and from what I was told, Chuck. You have moxie angel. From the moment you pulled me out of hell, you had me. I have loved you a long ass time. And I will show you. I want to see those wings of yours. I want to see you, angel. Don’t disappoint me now.”

Dean walked around the bathtub. He held his hand out.

Gabriel came forward. “Little brother you’re not well. Your grace will burn up let me help you, and you will feel so much better.”

“Someone's been putting supernatural creatures near my nest Gabriel. Near my mate.” The angel sniffed.

“I promise, I will get to the bottom of it. You don’t worry about that. Just keep inside until I tell you. Now close your eyes. This may hurt.”

The Archangel reached inside Castiel's core, and he screamed but did not move. Gabriel soothed the power and neutralized the core. He was that close to losing his baby brother. He will be keeping a closer eye on things from now on. That was the second person in his family he had let down.”

Castiel opened his eyes and felt more at peace than he had done in months. “Thank you, brother."

“Don’t thank me it was Dean who saved you. I will go. Sam and I will deal with the Supernatural problem you have. I will talk to you soon.” With that, the older angel flew off.”

“You always seem to be saving me, Dean. It should be the other way around.”

“Why can’t we save each other? Why can’t we look after each other? Like you said we broke the mould we don’t have to conform Castiel. Not what everyone expects of us.”

“Your right. I feel better that I don’t have to fit in a box. I can be whatever I want to be.”

“Team Freewill baby” Dean winked.

“Dean you’re nearly in heat.” Castiel sniffed liking the smell, of vanilla and cloves and a hint of leather.

“I know what I am angel. Come now you’re my Alpha you promised me you would look after me. Are you breaking that promise angel?”

The angel looked at his mate. Dean had nothing on; his freckles stood out on his sweaty, flushed skin. When had he taken his clothes off? The angel could smell slick leaking from the Omegas wet hole.

“I won’t break my promise, Dean.” The angel held his hand out, and Dean held on tightly.

“Come then sweet angel show me what you're made of.”

Castiel growled softly in his throat. He picked up Dean smirked. He kissed the hunter soundly. “I will never break any more promises. You're my mate, all mine.”

“You belong to me Alpha don’t you dare forget that.”

The word's from his Omega, and his blue eyes turned red. And Omega eyes turned orange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you not to be too hard on poor Cas. x  
> Sorry no, Beta all mistakes are mine. x  
> Sorry, I forgot to Tag Gabriel/Sam Not the best at tagging. They talk and that's about it. If it needed updating let me know thanks x


	39. Take my hand and lead me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean heats hits.

Castiel laid Dean gently on their bed, blinking away remaining barriers. The angel looked at his mate, with ravenous hunger and red eyes roamed the omegas body. The angel licked his dry lips wanting to devour and taste the feast before him.

“Cas babe, wings please.” Panted Dean, wanting to see, more than tenebrous shadows. 

Castiel blinked, and four magnificent inky-black wings sprung out of the angels back.

Dean gasped with awe, at the sight. Lost for words, longing to touch, to feel. How could this divine creature before him, be his?

“Will you groom me, Please sweet boy?” Asked Castiel rather shyly, feeling a little exposed at that moment.

“Yes. Show me. Please.” Dean sat up and moved next to the angel on the bed. Slipping his long legs either side of the angel, he was ready for instructions. 

“Be gentle. Card your fingers through, from top to bottom. Get any loose feathers or other objects out. They irritate me when I'm flying."

The feathers felt so soft, yet the flight feathers were sharp, like a knife blade. The hunter got all the loose feathers out. Exploring the wings, he pulled lightly to see what response he would get from his angel. The hunter heard whispered moans, and he smiled to himself. Dean found too little nubs near the curve of the angels back. He knew them to be the oil glands, so he squeezed them. Then started spreading the sweet smelling oil through the primary feathers. The hunter had a sudden urge to taste the oil. So he put his fingers in the translucent oil lapping it up, letting out an indecent, porn worthy moan.

“Angel you taste divine. It’s akin to oranges and mint, with a hint of dark chocolate.

“Only a true mate can smell our oil, Dean.” Castiel preened and puffed up his feathers in pleasure.

Dean tugged harder on the wings, and the angel moaned louder. Castiel turned and the black wings arched over the Omega. Dean whimpered and laid back.

“See your body’s so new, yet responsive to me, little Omega.” 

Castiel looked at Dean’s body once again and noticed the hunter's massive cock was standing proud from his body. Dripping copious amounts of pre-cum he wanted to taste. Not wanting to make a fuss. “I will only do this with your permission sweet boy.” Cooed the angel, stroking the hunter’s cheek.

“Take me Cas. Please Cas, I need you.” Urged Dean, needing the angel, in some capacity.

The Alpha growled and owned Deans mouth. He kissed and nipped. Dean invited his sweet tongue, and Castiel delved straight in. They both moaned, Castiel dominating the kiss but Dean did not mind at all. The angel sucked and kissed up the hunter's jaw line. Dean grabbed Castiel around the neck and kissed his bruised lips. Castiel used his hands to stroke over Dean’s side, his touch cool to the hunter’s heated skin. It sent goose bumps cascading down his flushed body. The angel leant forward, and kitten licked around the Omegas clavicle. Lapping up pools of sweat and sucking his marks into the hunter’s skin. The angel felt a sense of pride that he was marking his Omega up, to show who he belonged to.

Castiel looked almost rapacious grasping Dean by the neck. Shoving his wet hot tongue into the tight heat of the younger man’s mouth. They both groaned in pure bliss at the sensation rippling across, dancing nerves; it was rather erotic. Heartbeat’s pounded loudly, a rhythm of drums, sending heated blood pumping through hydrostatic veins.

Castiel ground his heated body against the needy Omegas. Tasting him, over and over again. The angel slowly licked and kissed lower. He found the dusky pink nipples and gently bit them, and sucked them until they were hard nubs. The hunter howled loudly wanting more. 

The heat was now taking over the omegas body. His higher brain functions shutting down. The younger man wanted one thing, and he was damn well going to get it. Castiel had chosen well with Jimmy Novack vessels. His cock was long, thick and perfect and the Omega wanted it, filling him up, fucking him hard.

“Alpha I need you, please. Fill me up, with your fledglings.” He panted out, needing his mate’s thick cock inside him.

That got the Alpha going. Castiel growled and whispered into the Omega’s sensitive ear. “You wish for me to put a baby in your belly Dean?” His large hands spread wide over the hunter’s stomach. “You want me to breed you and fill you up with my seed?”

“Please, Cas. I need you.” Chanted Dean, his fever reaching new heights of arousal. Slick leaked out of his ass hole. He felt hot, and he knew he wanted, the Alpha’s thick cock splitting him open or he knew he would combust.”

The angel moved lower kissing and sucking his marks into the salty skin. He dismissed the hunters weeping cock. Lavishing his attention on his lover’s balls. Licking them all over, then putting them in his mouth rolling them about. 

The angel patted the hunter’s firm ass, gaining his attention. “Turn over sweet boy.” Commanded Castiel helping his mate turn. “On hands and knees beloved.”

Castiel’s drenched wings lay either side of the hunter. Dean ran his fingers through the bottom of the feathers. He pulled lightly, and the angel moaned out loud. Castiel kissed down the man’s spine, he parted his ass cheeks and delved right in. Sucking and kissing, lapping, tasting the sweet slick of his mate. The slick dripped down the Alpha’s chin, and Castiel groaned at the taste. 

Dean whined the sensation was like nothing he felt before. He needed more of it. So pushing his hips firmly on the bed, trying to get the angels tongue deeper. “Please, Cas more.” He shouted, pleading with his mate. 

The Alpha lightly slap’s his ass cheek. “Be good for me baby.” The angel growled out, in his velvety low voice, like a well-aged whiskey. “Oh, Dean I would love to slap your pretty ass until it's red. See my hand print on another part of your body. Would you love that pet, want me to take you apart this way?”

“Yes, Yes Cas please.” The younger man babbled incoherently.

“Oh, baby not today. Another time maybe. If you’re very good or very naughty.” The angel winked at his mate.

“Now where was I-” Castiel parted the freckled ass cheeks of his mate. His long tongue breached the tight ring of muscles there; he felt the silky walls. ‘So sweet, so good.’ Castiel pressed one finger in, and the Omega swore. He stretched the weeping hole with the natural lubrication that the Omega produced. Then he placed two fingers stretching and scissoring. Then a third finger, lapping and kissing as he went. Making sure he would not hurt Dean when he filled him up.

“Alpha please.” Begged Dean. “I need you, all of you.”

“Do you want my knot, Dean? Want me to tie us together so I can breed you, fill you up?”

“Yes, yes Cas, please. I need your cock, Alpha now.” The hunter almost screamed with raw want and need.

“So bossy little Omega.” Tutted Cas, “But I think I’ve teased you enough.” Using his angel strength he flipped Dean over, so he was facing him. “I want to see you, Dean. See you cum on my knot.”

Dean reached for his dick, but Castiel battered his hand away. “No sweetheart only I give you pleasure now. That belongs to me. No touching unless I say so. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Alpha.” Shuddered the hunter.

“Good boy, you’re so good for me. I love you so much, my little hunter. I know when I first saw you. You would be mine.”

“I have always loved you Cas.” Tears sprung into his eyes, why was he so emotional all the damn time.

“Hey.” Castiel kissed the tears away. “We have each other now; nothing can get in our way.”

Castiel coated his throbbing cock in Dean’s slick. The angel breached the tight ring of the Omegas fluttering pink ass. He pushed in slowly. Inch by inch his hot thick cock disappeared into Dean’s tight wet heat. When Castiel bottomed out the Alpha held still, letting Dean get used to the feeling of being full.

“Move please, Cas." Cried out, Dean.

Castiel started moving slowly at first, taking his time. His cock dragging on the sensitive inner walls of Dean’s ass. Hot and tight the virgin walls of the Omega squeezed Castiel's Cock like a vice.

“You’re so tight and hot baby boy; you feel fantastic.” Groaned the angel.

“You're my first and only Alpha.” Murmured Dean, seeing stars already.

“I no baby tell me if it hurts. I won’t hurt you.”

There was no pain. The hunter suspected the angel was using his grace. Dean felt sparks behind his eyes. Castiel's eyes had turned a deep crimson red. Deans eyes a butter yellow. Castiel increased the pace and pumped faster, harder. His thick cock splitting the omega wide open. They were both wet with slick and sweat. The strong smell of arousal and sex clung in the air.

“Faster Cas, please.” Begged Dean, “Harder Alpha I need you harder.”  
Dean hooked his legs around the angel’s waist and locked his ankles together. Castiel changed their position, and he hit Dean’s prostrate sending sparks of pleasures up the hunter's spine.

“Fuck baby please I need, I need…”

The angel watched with fascination as his wet cock disappeared inside his mate’s body. Slick trickled out, and he felt his knot grow and catch on the silky walls. Bending down he kissed Dean, but it was sharing air. Castiel could see his mate was nearing completion. His balls slapped against the omega sweet ass, the noises Dean made, made him growl with pride.

“Cum for me baby boy." He commanded, watching the green eyed beauty scream out his name.

The hot coil of his own release threatened to strike like a cobra. Castiel tried to hold on longer giving pleasure to his Omega.

“Cas” Dean Screamed. The hunter came hard. Thick ropes of cum, spurting out over his stomach and hitting the angel on the chest.

“You're so amazing baby boy, coming on my cock.” Castiel groaned not seeing anything sexier in his lifetime. The angel could feel his knot catch on Dean’s rim, and it locked tight, tying them together. The hunter screamed again coming a second time, and Castiel called out Dean’s name at his own rapid release. 

Castiel collapsed on his mate, wings stretched on either side, on the bed. The angel kissed the hunter lazily, chaise and sweet and with no rush. 

“Baby are you okay?”

“I’m fine Cas, just feels strange.”

“Mmm yes, but your body will get used to me knotting you. With time once you have changed.”

“How long will we be tied together?” Yawned the hunter feeling relaxed and sleepy.

“The first time for an hour but it will normally be ten to twenty minutes.”

Castiel turned them around, so they were comfy. He dried his wings with grace and placed them over his mate like a warm, soft blanket.

“Cas.” Mumbled Dean. “Very sleepily.”

“Yes, sweetheart.” Whispered the angel using his grace to clean Dean and himself up.

“I love you.”

“I love you more than you will ever know Dean Winchester.”

Dean smiled and closed his eyes. Snuggling into the warm feather blanket. Feeling loved and cared for. Castiel tried to watch over him, but he fell to sleep. Comfy and warm in his mate's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Mate heat take two. Hope this is a little better???


	40. Never rains, but pours.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a bad day, but Castiel wants to cheer the hunter up.

Castiel kept a close eye on Dean over the coming weeks. Nothing happened, so he did not bother his mate with it. The hunter seemed much happier, and that was a blessing. They were slowly getting into a routine, both having jobs to do around the nest. Dean and Castiel did not go outside, heeding Gabriel’s warning. If Dean did anything in the kitchen, Castiel would sit at the table and play on his laptop. Dean was amazed that the angel knew how to email. Castiel told Dean that Sam had shown him. This the angel that’s voice mail stated. ‘This is my voice mail. Make your voice…. a mail.’ Sometimes Castiel seemed the ancient being he was. But sometimes he was just a baby angel in a trench coat.

Dean started getting pains in his back and hip two weeks after his heat finished. Not thinking anything of it, he ignored it. The pain was not relevant to the harden hunter. When having a bath that night, he noticed his body seemed softer, curvier. 'Strange must be this Omega shit.’ He thought. Dean did not panic, taking it all in his stride, even liking the new shape. Even having a pleasant daydream about the new panties that sat in his drawer. Thank Chuck that Sammy no longer shared a room with him.

 

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspspN

 

 

Dean woke up and knew in an instant it was going to be a bad day. His body hurt all over; his head felt heavy like someone was hitting him repeatedly with a sharp object. Staying in bed was the only option that gloomy autumnal morning. The angel would see if he was okay. He felt like hiding under the blankets and telling the world to stop because he would very much like to get off.

"Darling boy are you not well?" Came a worried voice somewhere near the hunters head.

"No, bad day." Grumped Dean not wanting to take it out on Cas.

"Oh, I will get you toast and that jam you like. Maybe some orange juice?"

Bless Cas he was trying his hardest. "Sure angel that would be great."

The angel vanished, and Dean sat up. Needing the bathroom, he padded over and relieved himself. Brushed his teeth and came back to bed. The angel was back by the time the hunter had finished. Helping his mate back into bed. Giving the Omega his breakfast tray, he sat beside his lover. 

"What do you feel like doing today?" Asked the angel a little unsure of himself at that moment.

"I don’t know Cas. Just stay in bed maybe."

"What colour are you?" The angel inquired, needing to know how depressed his lover was feeling.

Dean looked up rubbing at his dry eyes. "Green but nearing amber."

"Did you want to talk about it?" The angel asked, knowing he needed to talk more. And not run away from these feelings, he had when his mate was down.

"No. Not yet. I will call you if I need you." Dean stroked the back of the angel's hand, in reassurance.

"I need to harvest some of our food. I will hear you, just call."

"Hey, Cas. Why did you not feel me? Don’t we share a link?" Frowned Dean wondering how the angel had missed his mood.

"I had closed it off while you slept. I had not put the link back fully. I'm sorry Dean." The angel looked guilty, feeling he had let his mate down.

"Hey, come on angel it's fine. You need to teach me that, it will come in handy."

"When you're stronger mentally, I will. Too much strain at the moment could make things worse."

Dean yawned and stretched his lithe body. "I need sleep babe. Wake me up later when you're finished."

"I will Dean, love you." The angel kissed the hunter, before departing.

"Love you too angel." He murmured back.

 

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspnsspN

 

Castiel picked beans and squash. Oranges and apples. The magic he weaved into the plants made them grow all year round. It meant that they had freshly grown food. They did not have to call on other's to go shopping all that much. The angel suddenly remembered the card he was going to give Dean. That would cheer him up. Flying down with a basket full of food, he placed it on the table top in the kitchen. On angel radio, he called Gabriel to buy a laptop for Dean so he would have his own.

Half an hour later a knock resounded on the cabin door. Castiel opened it, and he greeted a cheery archangel.

"Cassie, how're things?" Gabriel grinned happily, with a brown laptop bag in his hands.

Castiel stepped out of the nest to greet the older angel.

"Did you have much trouble getting the computer Gabriel?"

"No, little brother, Sammy helped me. Its top of the range, you can play games on it. It's also got everything installed virus ware and office."

"Thank you, Gabriel. Dean's having a bad day. I want to cheer him up. Did you find out why the supernatural creatures were appearing around the nest?"

"Well, the creature in the lake was an Ogopogo. I made sure that it was taken care of. Still no closer to finding out whats going on."

"Oh, they are rare. They are only found in one particular area. Why would it be in our lake?"

"No idea little brother. It was put there, for a reason. You said you had scanned the area before you built your nest, correct?"

"Yes." Glared the angel angrily. "There was nothing about. I would not bring a mate to a place where they could get hurt, Gabriel."

Gabriel could see how upset the smaller angel was getting so he tried to reassure him. "I'm keeping an eye on things. Stick to the meadow and don’t go out at dark. Castiel was about to protest, and the archangel put his hand up to stop the younger angel. "I know you’re a powerful angel, but you have your mate to look out for. That takes priority. Dean's not at his best, and you would not forgive yourself if you were distracted. That’s what families are for Cassie to help."

"I no Gabriel. I just, I don’t like it."

"You give him that laptop and help him feel better. Send him our love and don’t worry about this we will deal."

Gabriel waved goodbye, and Castiel watched him fly away. Shutting the door behind him and locking it. The angel went up to the master bedroom to see how his mate was. Hoping his little present would cheer Dean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys had to put the re-do chapters got in a muddle. x


	41. Be who you want me to be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and a little understanding.

Dean was sat up in bed, reading the second Harry Potter book. Noticing the angel come in, he put the book down and gave his mate his full attention. 

"Hey, sweetheart. I've got a present for you." The angel sat down next to the hunter. He placed the Silver laptop on his mate's knee and put the brown case to one side.

Dean could not believe his eyes. The hunter could see it was top of the range. "This is amazing Cas thank you." Gushed the hunter. Overwhelmed with his gift.

"I also have this for you." The angel gave the hunter the credit card. "Dean, I want you to buy, anything you wish with this card. You know what your heart wants love."

Dean was puzzled with what the angel meant. Then all of a sudden it clicked. "Oh, I'm not sure. I don’t know." Mumbled the hunter going red, with embarrassment.

"No, don’t you hide from me. I want you to be yourself, Dean. I have learned that’s its okay to be different, to be yourself. You taught me that. So you buy your panties and skirts, there will be no judgment from me." Tears slipped down the hunter's reddened cheeks, and the angel wiped them with his thumb. "Hey now, don’t cry. I may have a lack of understanding for many things, but I know you, my sweet boy. I am so proud of you Dean Winchester." Castiel gathers the hunter in his arms and rocked him, soothing him. No words fell from his lips, all he needed was the contact, the feeling of love enveloping him. At that moment Dean knew he was truly loved, and he had a home, there in his angel's arms.


	42. Hold my hand red.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie helps did with a major issue.

Dean had been feeling slightly sick lately. The smell of coffee made his stomach roll. Apart from the new curves of his body, nothing had changed. The hunter suspected something was not quite right, so he texted Charlie for help.

10:21 (Red need yor hlp)

10:24 (What’s wrong? R U okay?)

10:28 (I need U 2 buy somthing 4 me. ThN com Ovr.)

10:30 (This top secret? Wot do U need?)

10:34 (Pls don't tel any1. I need a pregnancy test.)

10:37 (Oh crap. I promise. Tel yor ():) 2 listN out 4 me. I will com soon as poss.)

10:40 (Ty. C U soon.)

 

Dean told Castiel to listen out for Charlie. She would be coming for a visit. The red head was still the only person the angel would tolerate in the nest. The night of the ceremony was a rare exception. 

“Are you feeling alright Dean?” Asked the angel, he could feel a buzz of nervousness coming from his mate.

“I’m fine Cas, just tired, and want to see my best friend.”

“I thought I was your best friend.” Castiel glared, and Dean thought he was cute.

“I can have more than one best friend Cas.” Reassured the hunter trying not to laugh at the disgruntled look on his angel's face

"Well, Charlies calling me. Would you mind when she comes, if I went to the bunker?"

"Sure you can Cas. You need space away from me."

"When you put it like that. It sounds like I don’t want to spend time with you." Groused, the angel, folding his arms in a huff.

"No that’s not what I'm saying, babe. Every couple needs a break. I've been so ill that, it's important for your mental health as well."

"Angels don’t get sick like that Dean." Huffed the angel.

"Oh yeah, so what happened in the library? That day was just you coping with my illness then." Dean raised an eyebrow at the angel and stared him down.

Castiel cleared his throat. "Well, I guess. I just don’t want you to think I don’t need you."

"I don’t think that silly angel. Now get Charlie, for me please."

"You're bossy Omega." Grumbled the Alpha.

"Yeah, but you like it when I get bossy." He winked at his lover.

The angel smiled. "Yes, I may like it a little.” He leaned forward and kissed the hunter firmly on the lips. A flap of his wings and the angel was gone.

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspnspN

 

Charlie sat with Dean pouring over the instructions. "Well you need to pee on the stick, and it will take two minutes to tell us the results."

"That’s easy enough." Shrugged Dean with a nervous trepidation.

"What will you do if you are?" Wondered Charlie out loud.

"Let me just get this done first. Then I can think of other steps." Protested Dean, not wanting to think that far ahead.

"Okay, sorry, sweetie of course. You need any help?"

"What are you going to do, hold it for me?" Laughed Dean, at his sisters grossed out face.

"No." Charlie used her best bitch face #21 Don’t sass me, Dean Winchester. She pointed with one brightly blue finger nail. "I will pass. Now go pee. I want to see if I'm going to be an auntie."

So the hunter went into the bathroom. He peed on the stick. Set it on the counter and washed his hands. Waiting was something that he did a lot of in hunting. But this was the longest two minutes of his life. The test was simple; it would turn blue and would state in the window whether he was pregnant or not. The younger man tidied the bathroom up, putting towels away and straightening up other small items. Two minutes had passed, and he let out a ragged breath he was holding and looked. There was a blue line and in black ink one word that would change his life forever. PREGNANT:


	43. Over heated mess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean argue but what happens to Dean?

Charlie knocked on the bathroom door. Dean had been in there a long time, and she was worried. "Dean are you okay in there sweetie?" She asked tentatively, hoping all was okay.

The door opened slowly; a white faced Dean shuffled out. Walking to the bed holding the test in his right hand. Not saying a word, lips caught between worried teeth. 

"I guess you're having a baby then?" Charlie asked trying to gauge her brother's emotions on the matter. She grabbed tissues off the side and took the test gingerly out of her brother's hand.

"Yeah. The test was positive." 

"Are we happy about this?" Charlie needed to know whether to be happy or sad for her brother.

"Happy. Just, I am growing a fricking baby Charlie. And I- I cry at the drop of a hat these days." Sniffed the hunter. An array of emotions swept through jade green eyes. "I wanted a family, and this is crazy. I'm having a baby, with an angel of the Lord. A hunter, that’s broken and-. What if I'm not a good daddy, what if I fail?"

"Not sure you should let Cas hear you say that. You will make a great daddy. You looked after Sammy."

"Yeah and look how that turned out."

"Sam made his own life choices Dean. He's a big boy; you can't hold his hand forever. I can't wait to spoil this baby. My family's growing." She grinned jumping up and down. Thinking of all the awesome clothes she could get the baby.

A smile spread on the hunter's face. "Yeah, you will make an awesome auntie."

"You bet your tight little ass I will." She beamed back. "Will you tell Cas?"

Dean thought about this for a moment, then shook his head. "Not just yet. Let me get used to the idea."

"Sure that’s not a problem. Just don’t leave it to long."

"I won't I promise. Now, let's watch some Ironman. I need a dose of Robert Downey Jr."

They went down stairs and grabbed snacks and watched DVDs until Cas came home."

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspN

 

Dean started to feel sicker but he hid it, or so he thought. His appetite went down, and he did not feel like eating. Castiel took that to mean his mate was feeling more depressed than normal. When he asked how Dean was, he would say fine. It puzzled the angel because if his hunter were fine, he would eat. The only time the younger man never ate was when he was feeling depressed. Castiel started to feel let down that Dean would not talk to him. The hunter had promised, after all, he would share any issues. 

It was one Friday night that everything came from a simmering boil to an overheated mess. Dean had been grumpy that day, and he could not tell the angel why. Why could he not come clean about the pregnancy, he was stalling for some unknown reason. The hunter was not eating, feeling rather nauseous, achy and in pain. Castiel felt like he was letting him down, in some way. So that night he made supper and placed it in front of the hunter, and commanded he eat it.

"You won't leave this table until that’s all gone." The angel growled a small warning.

Dean narrowed his eyes and pushed the plate away. His emotions were all over the place. "I don’t feel hungry, and you can't force me. Just leave me alone Cas."

No, you will eat. You say there's nothing wrong. I don’t believe you. You only get like this when you're low, and you won't talk to me about it."

"I have nothing to talk to you about. I'm not feeling low. I am just not hungry."

The angel slammed his fist down on the table. It groaned under the impact, and it split down the middle. "You're lying to me, don't you think I can't sense that." Spat the angel his eyes flashing red.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Dean jumped up shocked, knocking his chair over.

"I'm fed up of this. Your moods. Not eating. I wished I'd never mated a human. It would have been so much easier to mate my own kind." Shouted Castiel clenching his fists tightly.

Dean broke a little inside. Cas did not want him, did not want the babies.

The angel could see the look on Dean’s face, utter devastation. Trying to grab back, poison words, trying to make amends. "I'm sorry Dean I did not mean that."

Oh, you meant it Castiel. Every word. I think you were shocked when the soul to grace thing worked. Being my friend you wanted to save me. But you never wanted me as your mate. All this time I have been making excuses for you. Forgiving you, but you never really wanted me. The angel that gets the righteous man. I bet that’s a huge accolade for you."

"No, don’t be stupid Dean."

"Yeah, that’s all I am stupid. Stupid to ever think you wanted me. You knew I was ill, why bother taking me on. I can't do this anymore." 

The hunter turned and went up to his room. The angel never followed. He stripped into soft cotton pajamas and placed his hand on his flat belly.   
'It's okay baby. I still want you. I'll love and care for you. I promise daddy's here for you. I won't let you down.' Dean cried himself to sleep that night, not knowing what the next day would bring.

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspN

 

The next morning Dean got up and went down the stairs. Feeling hungry he searched for food. The angel was no ware about, so he grabbed, pop tarts and a banana. Grabbing the orange juice out of the fridge he poured it into a glass cup and drank it greedily. After breakfast, he went upstairs washed and dressed. What was he going to do? He did not want to call Gabriel or Sam just yet. Maybe a little sunshine would do him some good. He had messed it up with Cas big time. It was his fault the fight; the angel loved him, he just cared about him too much sometimes. The angel was new to all these emotions, and he had been so sick. Worry made you do the stupidest of things. 

Dean grabbed the blanket and a pillow and went to sit out in the meadow. He started feeling sleepy and popped his head on the pillow, looking up at the fall sky. It was a crisp, chilly morning; he could see his breath in the air. The grass was a little damp, and he knew he should not be staying out there too long. Not wanting to get sick that would not be good for the baby. 

Dean laid there for over ten minutes trying to clear his head, went he felt a sharp pain in his neck. Shit, he cried out. Putting his hand to his throat and feeling a lump. What the hell?  
Suddenly he felt like he was going to be sick, his stomach lurched. Sitting up he emptied his stomach contents on the dewy grass. Dizziness hit him and the world span around. Trying in vain to get back to the nest his legs buckled under him. Dean knew he was falling so he protected his stomach, his body shuddered with pain on impact. The hunter brought his knees up to his chest whispering ‘Sorry baby.’ Just after that everything went black and he knew no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will all be okay between our love birds, just stick with it.


	44. Time for regret.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets help after the fight.

Castiel had flown to the Monastery after the fight. Needing to get his mind together. Sitting with the Elder monk, he talked about his problems getting them off his chest. 

“I don’t know why I said that to my mate. I love that man so much. Why can’t I just say I’m worried? This will never work if we can’t talk to each other.” The angel groaned, rubbing tears from his red rimmed eyes. “We have a life time together, yet we spend more time shouting and yelling insults, then we do loving and caring for each other. It’s stupid. I feel so protective of him and so possessive at times. I need him so badly. Every time I close my eyes I see him in that bath, in that motel. I could not understand why he wanted to leave me. Why he wanted to take his life. I felt I must mean so little to him. That he could not come and talk to me. That he wanted to leave me alone. I quit my home for him. I lost everything for him."

“You feel betrayed Castiel,” Asked the Elder Monk searching the angel's face.

"I did. I have loved him for so long you see."

"He did not know this. From what you told me you were unkind to him." Pointed out the Elder Monk.

"I was shocked that my unkindness had led him to hurt himself. I remember his words. ‘I know you are many things Castiel but being cruel was not one of them.' The pain in them green eyes will hurt me for eternity.”

“What will you say when you get back home? How will you go about mending this?”

I have said I'm sorry to many times. I need to step up, be his Alpha. He needs guidance. I have not given him that. I have not loved him as I should. I have not shown him how much I care and how much he means to me. I have been a bad mate Okhesi. It's about time I became a good one. I have been selfish thinking about how I feel after he hurt himself. Never thinking how Dean feels. Oh, Chuck, he must feel so alone, so abandoned by everyone in his life.”

“You realize this now Castiel. This is good. You can change your destiny; you can sink, or you can swim. You choose to swim.”

“Yes, I do. I need to be brave just like my mate. I know you don’t hold much value with soul's, but he's got a pure, bright one. That I can't let flicker out."

“Go be with your mate Castiel. Be the mate he needs and deserves. You can both be stronger together if you both work as a team. Compromise and talk with each other. If something is bothering you, stop and talk. If you're worried about an issue, stop and talk. If it takes all night, talk. Angry does nothing, but make a bitter taste in our mouth's. Be strong like the warrior you were born to be. This is a battle but with a difference.”

"I see that now. Thank-you for your guidance.”

"You're always welcome here Castiel."

Castiel got up and bowed. He walked with the master to the window and smiled. With a sense of renewed faith in his ability's. The angel took flight and hoped he could fix what he had broken. With the hope that their love was strong and could weather any storm. The angel flew to the cabin and back to his mate.


	45. Don't cry for me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and his family find that Deans been taken.

Castiel landed back at the Cabin and went straight to the master bedroom. The sun was weak in the autumn sky. Clouds hung heavy, suggesting rain was not far off in the present future. Trees around looked bare all but the pine. Reds and golds yellows and purples. They mixed and made a rainbow of colors that painted the countryside like abstract art. Castiel searched for his mate, he opened the link but found it was closed. Strange Dean had no idea how to hide the link from him. 

Now on high alert, he started to panic slightly. Sending his radar out trying to locate Dean. The angel ran down creaking steps to the bottom floor of the cabin. On the cracked table there sat inconspicuously a white lined note. It was folded in half and looked crumbled like someone had screwed it up. The angel reached out for it, strange it did not smell of his mate. But he put that little fact to the back of his mind. Reading the note wide eyed and terrified he flew at once to the bunker. The younger angel needed his brother, for comfort. His smart, wonderful, mate had gone, and it was all his fault. He had failed, and now he was left all alone.

 

SpnspnspnspnspsnspnspN

 

Sam and Gabriel were eating breakfast it was just past nine in the morning, so they had time to laze about. They needed to research more about the creatures at Dean and Castiel’s nest. All of a sudden they heard a bang coming from the war room. Sam looked up confused, and Gabriel pointed at his lips to be quiet, while he checked it out. Only three creature's to his knowledge could penetrate the bunkers warding’s, that was himself, Castiel and Crowley. Just to make sure none of the warding’s had failed he went to check. Not wanting his boyfriend to get hurt in any way. The Archangel had a shock to see his little brother sobbing and shaking uncontrollably on the war room floor. 

“Sam.” The Archangel called out, to his boyfriend. “It’s Cassie, come here it’s safe.”

Sam ran out of the kitchen and saw his best friend on the floor had something happened to Dean? He needed to find out.

The smaller angel was still clinging to the letter. Gabriel was rocking his brother backward and forwards trying to calm the little angel down.

“Whatever is the matter, Cassie? Please, baby bro, tell me. Is Dean okay?”

“Do something,” Sam said to his boyfriend, starting to panic, never seeing the little angel like this. “You can’t leave him in this much pain. I’ve never seen him like this Gabe.”

Gabriel nodded and placed two fingers on to Castiel's head. He became still. Moving the angel to the couch, he laid his brother gently down, onto the cushions. Taking the note out of his brother's hand he read it to Sam.

 

Dear Castiel,

 

My bags are packed. Now the time has come to leave you. It’s funny how we feel so much, but we cannot say a word. You gave me everything you had; you gave me life. I’m so tired, but I cannot sleep. I can’t stand this pain much longer; I’m hoping and praying for someone to care. Well, it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why Castiel. Look out your window, and I will be gone. I wished there was something you would say, to try and make me change my mind and stay. I gave you my heart, but you wanted my soul. If I should stay, I would only be in your way. We both know, I’m not what you need. I wish you joy and happiness. See you around.

 

Dean.

 

Sam looked at Gabriel, and the older angel looked at, the younger hunter.

“You do realize my brother did not write that crap. Right, Gabriel. So where the hell is Dean?

“I don’t know. Some of this is familiar.” Frowned the Archangel looking at the letter again.

“This is not Dean’s handwriting for a start. And some of this, I’m sure are taken from songs. I think the top ones from Leaving on a jet plane. Oh, poor Cas he must have thought Dean left him, he won’t’ have any clue.” Bemoaned the younger hunter. 

“For dad’s sake.” Shouted Gabriel not looking pleased. “I tried to keep my family safe. Castiel warned me something was going on. I tried to sort it out, Sammy. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, Gabe look at me, you did your best. We got rid of the Werewolves and the lake monster. Something or someone was trying to harm Castiel and Dean. My best bet they wanted my brother, but for what I don’t know. We need Charlie on this Gabe. Are you alright to fly and get her?”

“Yeah, I can do that. The more head’s, the better.” In the blink of an eye, Gabriel flew off. Sam send a silent prey up to Chuck. ‘Please keep Dean safe, don’t let anything happen to him.’ Sam grinned wolfishly the people who took his brother would have one angry Archangel and one pissed of mate when they found them. They would be in for a world of pain, and Sam could not find himself being remorseful over it.

 

SpnspnspnspspnspnspnspN

 

Charlie was delivered to the war room, and Gabriel decided to wake his little brother up. Gabriel put his fingers to the younger angels head, and he awoke.

The angel moaned rubbing his head. “Gabriel where am I?”

“You’re in the bunker bro. Do you remember anything?”

“Yeah, D-dean left me.” The angel whispered sadly.

“No sweetie Deans not left you.” Sniffed Charlie who had clearly been crying.

“What’s wrong? Why have you been crying, Charlie?” Asked the angel worried for his friend.

“Cassie, Deans been taken. This is not Dean’s handwriting little brother. I’m not his mate, but I can’t smell him on this letter.”

“No, I can’t. I thought that was odd but when I read it I-“

“You went into melt down. I get it. It was a rejection. Any Alpha would go through it”

“Who wrote the letter then?” The angel looked at his gathered family with bemusement.

“We think it was an angel. The entire letter’s made up of about five ‘Sad or brake-up songs’.” Explained Gabriel, looking upset at the prospect, his heavily family could be involved in this.

“Guys there something you need to know. And this will make things difficult.” Said Charlie even more upset. “Cas you need to sit down for this.”

“What’s wrong Charlie? Is this about why you visited the other week?

“Yes. Dean had been feeling sick lately. He wanted me to get something from the pharmacy. Cas, Dean’s pregnant he’s having your baby. They took my brother, and he’s pregnant Cas. Chuck what if he’s hurt. What about the baby.” Sobbed Charlie, not knowing what else to do.

Castiel rose from the chair slowly. “Are you certain about this Charlie?” The angel said in a voice that was a little too calm.

“Yes, I am. I was there when he did the test.” She sniffed again, wiping her eyes on tissues she had in her pocket.

“Oh shit.” Shouted Gabriel, seeing the danger and grabbing the humans out of the very powerful angel’s path. “Sammy, Charlie come away from Cassie.”

Castiel glowed purple, his true core grace showing through his vessel. Six onyx wings sprouted from his back, arch high displaying his dominance and his rank. No longer in his suit or his treasured trench coat. Castiel was now, in silver dress pants. Long purple ropes wound around his muscular frame. A red sash was wrapped around his stomach. He had gold arm couplets with intricate Enochian symbols etched onto them. And in his right hand, he held his angel blade.

“Oh, Chuck he’s magnificent.” Gasp Charlie in awe of her friend.

Gabriel bowed down, respecting the warrior and rank of the Seraph. The Archangel did hold the higher rank, but it was out of respect for his powerful younger brother. Castiel was always a favorite of Gabriel’s, different like him, always asking questions and getting in trouble for it. Castiel already had the seed of rebellion planted in his head. Dean just made him run with it. Gave him the faith that he needed.

 

Sam also bowed and Castiel inclined his head. The hunters, after all, were of the royal blood line. Strangely that made the Winchester’s Castiel’s boss, but he would not be telling Dean that anytime soon. The bossy little Omega would use that to his advantage. Thinking of Dean made his blood boil, someone had taken his mate, his hunter, his Dean. They had picked a fight with the wrong angel. His mate was carrying his fledglings, and it was up to Castiel to protect them. When he found his mate, and it would be a matter of time, he would obliterate those who held him into, tiny atoms. Sending a clear message out to all supernatural creatures, no one touches his mate ever.

 

Castiel turned to the Archangel. “I should have been there to protect him, Gabriel. I ran away and sorted solace and guidance for my issue’s and left him. He will never forgive me if the baby-“

“Little brother I will come with you and find Dean. You will right any wrongs. This is your battle lead as the warrior you are, and I will help all I can.”

Castiel nodded his head. It was no use in feeling sorry for himself he needed a plan. “Charlie I need you to contact the network. I need to know if any unusual occurrence has happened in the surrounding area of the nest or bunker. From big to small. I don’t believe they would have taken him up to heaven.”

“Sam, you and Gabriel go back to the nest site. See if you can find any evidence of other worldly creatures. Report back to me.” Gabriel and Sam bid them goodbye, and Charlie got back to work.

Castiel called on an old friend, he got a copper bowl and cut his wrist. Searching for the herbs he needed, he poured them into the bowl and chanted the incantation he needed.

“You called Love.” The sardonic voice of the King of Hell sounded out.

“Crowley I need your help.” Growled out the angel not having time for Crowley’s games.

“Oh and whys that? Did moose and squirrel get in trouble again?

“Why do you call them that? They have names.” The angel replied irritably.

The Demon narrowed his eyes and gave up. “What do you need angel. I don’t have time for idle chit chat. I do have a kingdom to run, you know.”

Castiel snarled and grabbed the infuriating demon and held him up by the throat. “Will you help me or not?

The demon pointed at the angel to put him down, and the angel did as requested. Crowley coughed even though it did him no harm. “Well, angel in full battle mode I see. Your wings are impressive. Tell me what’s wrong?”

“It’s Dean he’s pregnant, and someone’s taken him.” The angel’s voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

Crowley’s eyes flashed red. “You say someone’s taken Dean and he’s carrying my niece or nephew?”

The angel was stunned at what the demon had just said, and he nodded in shock.

“Oh, angel. I will get to the bottom of this don’t you worry. If it’s one of mine, they won’t know what’s hit them.”

“We know there are angels involved” Castiel showed the demon the note.

“Yes, I agree no demon would write this drivel. They have better taste in music.” 

“Will you help?” Asked the angel again. 

“I already said I would love. No one hurts Dean on my watch. I get to play with my toys no one else does.” He winked and vanished.

“Well, that was interesting.” Said Charlie who was stood in the doorway to one of the old bedrooms. Did he say, niece and nephew?”

“Yes, that’s what I heard.”

“I think that demon has a soft spot for the boys.” She smiled, shaking her head.

“Well, I would hate to be in anyone shoes when Crowley finds them.”

“You would be far worse Cas. You’re so protective and possessive over Dean.”

“I try not to be. But he brings that side out in me.”

“I read up on angels it says you’re naturally like that.”

“Yes to a point. We are but not this much.” Mumbled the angel.

“Maybe you’re scared he will hurt himself again. Also, hunting is not a great job.”

“I don’t want him to go back hunting Charlie. But he’s good at what he does. I can’t ask him that.

“Have you ever asked him what he wants to do?” The red head pushed wanting Dean to get what he needed.

“No never.” The angel looked a little lost.

“Then it’s about time you did.”

“I promise you when I find and smite the vermin who did this. I will do.”

“I can see why he likes when you get like this.” Giggles the red head.

“He likes when I act all protective?” Gulps the angel his eyes widen in shock.

“Yes, gets the boy hot and bothered.” She laughs at the angel’s reaction.

“Oh,” Is all Castiel can find to say on that matter.

“Maybe, you need to talk about each other’s needs. You should ask him what toys and clothes he bought with that card. He’s been dying to use them, but a little too shy to ask you, to join.”

The angel went red. Oh, he had forgotten all about Dean’s shopping spree online.

“I’m going to change Charlie. I will be a better mate for Dean.”

“Oh, I know sweetie. Now let’s get our boy back.”

The angel nodded and got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points to the person that can come up with all the songs, I used.
> 
> Music borrowed from:  
> Jonny Denver  
> Sarah Mclachlan  
> Jimmy Ruffin  
> Bob Dylan  
> Whitney Houston


	46. Angel and Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and the family find Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning. (Mentions rape but nothing happens.)

"Dean wake up, please." Came the insistent voice from far away. He wished the shaking would stop, he hurt and just wanted to sleep.

"No Dean, don’t go back to sleep. I know you can hear me."

"Will you stop shaking me, I'm going to puke if you, keep doing that." Groaned the hunter trying to sit up.

"Hey relax, drink this."

Cooling water slid down his scratchy throat. 

"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks. Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Mae-Ann your tethered virtue."

Oh, I forgot about that. Sammy said something about it ages ago."

"We don’t normally show ourselves, but you're in trouble. Dad's not going to be pleased that they have taken you prisoner like this.

"Where am I anyway and who took me?" Questioned the hunter wanting to know more.

"You're in a ware house, in Kansas city. It looks like a collaboration between angel and demon."

"But why? What would they want with me?" Asked Dean trying to figure it all out.

"The prophecy I think." Answered Mae-Ann. Her brown hair tied back neatly and her almond brown eyes looking back at Dean.

"I have no clue what you're on about." Huffed Dean shaking his head.

"We have lots of prophecies. Your friend Kevin was a profit, was he not? I didn't know what it was about until I overheard them talk about it. I'm too low down the ranks. I fear Castiel won't ever be privy to it either."

"So you're telling me there is a prophecy that not many angels know about and they captured me because of it."

"It was leaked that you and Castiel were named on this particular prophecy. You would both close the gates of heaven and hell."

"Oh, I see why they wanted to stop me. They won't give us a break, will they? I just want Cas and me to have a normal, life, whatever that is."

"Look there is angel warding all around, and no angel can find you, with your protection. Can you scratch the line away just here on the red marking?" Dean saw were Mae-Ann was pointing to. It was an oval with a zigzagged line and an arrow pointing left and right. 

"That denotes a virtue; they did not want anyone getting to you. If you scratch that off, I can get help."

"Why are you helping me?" Asked the hunter.

"You carry heavens only hope. We need you, Dean, my brothers, and sisters, just can't see it."

Dean found a piece of wire on the floor and scratched away some of the red markings. "Can you get out now?"

"Yes, I can. I won't be long."

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspN

 

Dean was strapped to a bench. His hands tied and his face bloody. He needed to protect his stomach at all cost. But he did not want to give the game away. He knew without a shadow of a doubt, if the angel's and demon's found out, they will kill the child.

One of the demons, a fat, balding vessel, sneered at Dean touching him with his slimy hands. "I can't wait to have you, hunter." He laughed menacingly. "When I get given the green light you will be my little bitch."

The angel counterpart rolled her eyes. "Always so dramatic demons. We need information before you have fun." The female angel was tall and willowy. She had short blonde hair and a ruddy complexion. The angel took a sharp knife from the table. "This will be fun." She said smirking at the hunter. "The great Dean Winchester at my mercy, the fun we will have together."

Dean said nothing hoping that Mae-Ann got help in time.

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspN

 

Mae-Ann flew to the bunker but could not get in. So she knocked on the door. Castiel opened it, and her eyes widened in fear. She fell to her knees as soon as she saw the Seraph in all his warrior glory.

"I have news brother Castiel." She shook with fear. "Dean helped me escape."

"Come in sister let me call Gabriel and Crowley," Castiel said kindly knowing the smaller angel was scared of him.

The angel's eyes widened but said nothing.

Gabriel flew in with Sam and Crowley popped into the room.

"Tell us sister who as Dean and is he well? Asked Gabriel wanting news of his best friend.

"Jarvin, Leah, Cael, our brothers, and sister. Aamon and Abraxas the demons have Dean. There are the ones who have done this. They say they have read the prophecy and wanted to stop it. Leah wants to torture Dean first, and Aamon wants to, he-" The virtue could say no more it was just too much for her.

Castiel knew what his sister meant, and he was in full smite mode. “Sister take us to them, please. They won't get away with this.” Castiel growled and hissed at the thought of someone touching his mate.

"I will deal with my lot." Fumed Crowley eye flashing red "They won't get away with this."

Gabriel turned to Sam and Charlie. "Guys, you need to stay here we will be in full angel mode. You simply can't come unless you want your eyes burnt out.

Sam was not pleased, but he did not want to be blinded. "Fine but just bring Dean back in one piece."

Suddenly Castiel cried out in agony. "They're hurting him, Gabriel, we have to go, and he’s in so much pain."

Gabriel narrowed his eyes and held his hand out for Mae-Ann.

Castiel grabbed Crowley, and they were on their way.

 

 

SpnspnspnspnspnspnspN

 

 

Dean was dizzy with the pain, it tore through him, and he was sick. 'Please, Chuck, the baby, save the baby.' He sobbed out a prayer.

"Look the mighty Dean Winchester reduced to tears. Oh, what a day this is." The angel laughter was hollow and teasing.

"Why won't he fight back?" Resounded the demon bewildered. There is something not right." The demon Aamon came forward and touched Dean.

"I don’t think you should touch wants not yours." Said an angry voice to the left of the demon.

"What's, it to you angel." The Demon spat out.

"Well you see Dean here's mated and, he belongs to my brother. And I know for a fact Cassie does not like to share."

"I will fuck him, no one gets to have him, but me." Smirked the demon, yellow teeth showing in his filthy mouth.

"Oh, you see I can't do that. Dean-o there is my family, and I protect my family."

"Gabriel." Called out Leah. "Why are you fighting with us? We need to end his life. We need to get rid of this mud monkey and rid ourselves of the prophecy."

"You see sister that prophecy is one you can't change; it will happen. You hurt Dean, and you will be punished for it."

"Who by, you big brother." She laughed not at all worried.

"Oh no, something worse them me." The Archangel grinned, arms folded, a smug look on his face.

"What can be stronger than an Archangel?" She enquired.

"A pissed off angel. Who's mate you just harmed, that's what dear sister?

All of a sudden Castiel burst into the room like thunder. His inky-black wings arched high over his body. Eyes were glowing purple, his hands radiating a white light. He stalked over to Dean and placed his hand reverently over his stomach. The angel turned sharply to the Demon as Crowley walked in. 

"Don’t tell me I can't smite him, Crowley." Boomed out the angel, wanting to seek revenge for what they had done to Dean.

"Oh no, love he's all yours." 

The demon tried to escape thick black smoke shot out of the vessels mouth. But Castiel held the smoke in his hands and shoved it back down the beast's throat.

"No, I don’t think so vermin. You touched my mate. He's mine no one else's."

The angel placed his hand on the vessel's head, and he smote the demon until he was nothing but dust in the wind. Castiel turned sharply to Leah, the blonde angel. She tried to fly, but Castiel caught her wings. He pulled one wing so hard the snap resounded around the room, she screamed, in fear and pain. 

"I said whoever attacked me next I would place their wings on my cabin." Castiel did nothing of the sort, he just put his hand on his sister's head and smote her. The angel turned to dust; not even her wings were visible on the floor.

"Chuck, Cassie remind me never to mess with you." Gabriel was looking at his baby brother in a whole different light.

Crowley had freed Dean's hands by this time and helped him down off the bench.

"You okay their Squirrel?" The King of Hell asked worriedly.

"Yeah, it just hurts a little, worried about the baby more than myself."

"Well we will have to walk love we can't fly out. We could only get into your room. Let's get out of here."

The hunter two angels and Crowley walked towards the room that Dean was held captive in. It was further than the hunter originally thought. All of a sudden Dean was pulled backward and Abraxas the other demon grabbed him.

The demon laughed the smell of sulphur high in the air. "Well, well the cavalry have arrived but poor little Dean still without adequate protection. Tut, tut, good guys, not doing a stellar job here."

Dean struggled and tried to get away but with no luck.

"Oh, no darling you won't be going anywhere." Laughed the demon, clearly enjoying himself. 

Two angels flew down beside him, and they smirked. "Sorry about this brother but your mate needs to die."

The demon touched the hunter's belly, and that’s when Dean snapped. Now not a lot of creatures knew that as a angels mate, Dean and the baby could protect themselves. And that is just what Dean did without thinking. A pure white light emitted from the hunter's hand. It glowed brighter, and the demon screamed in terror and pain. Dean stepped forward the demon let go, the two angels behind tried to grab him, but they rebounded off a force field and could not touch him.

Dean smiled at his mate. "It's okay babe; I have this. Close your eyes."

The Seraph nodded, Gabriel and Crowley did as requested.

Dean turned and narrowed his jade green eyes. He placed one hand on his belly. Whispering 'We need to protect our family baby.' He looked up, and the shock showed on the other angels face, they were paralyzed with fear. Dean put his hand out, and both angels were pulverized, nothing remained of them. The demon was on the floor, and Dean looked down. Placing his hand on the demons head, pulling thick black smoke from the gaping mouth. Dean twisted the smoke, and it turned to rain.

The light stopped, and he staggered backward's into warm arms. "I will always catch you, my sweet boy."

The man on the floor groaned and tried to sit up. "That man saved me." 

“Yeah, he does that." Grinned the archangel, "He's a modern day hero."

"Thank you so much." The man said. "If there is anything I can do, anything. I run a wedding venue. I can do it for nothing."

Dean looked up at Castiel still safe in his lover's arms. "How about it Cas, shall we get married?"

The angel smiled the gummy smile that Dean loved so, much, rare was the site but well worth the reward. “Yes my love, I would like that very much.”

Dean beamed back and kissed his mate. "It’s a deal then." The hunter just knew all was going to be alright between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... Love and smut and fluff ...


	47. Call me papa.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out how many babies, he's having and it's a shock.

Dean rushed out of their shared bedroom in the bunker. The door's slamming behind him. The hunter walked into the kitchen banging pots and pans around.

Gabriel lifted an eyebrow at his brother who sleeked into the room looking thoroughly chastised.

“I take it you told him then.” Smirked the Archangel trying not to laugh at the look on his younger brother's face.

“Yes, brother. But it did not go down so well.”

“What’s all this about?” Asked Sam intrigued. Looking at the two angels.

“Cassie just told Dean how many babies he was carrying.”

“How many babies?” The younger hunter babbled.

“Yes seems our Cassie here is very fertile.” Gabriel snickered.

There came a loud bang from the kitchen, and Castiel looked up. “I best go deal with that, or no one will be fed tonight.”

“Good luck with that Cassie.” Gabriel laughed.

“Just wait until it’s your turn big brother and see how supportive I am.” Castiel ignored the Archangel and walked into the kitchen with slight trepidation.

Dean was pulling out pans and slamming lids down. He saw the angel and stopped and burst into tears.

Castiel gathered him into strong arms. “Hey, now sweet boy, it's fine. We will cope, we always do.”

“B-But Cas its three babies. How will I even give birth? How will we deal with that?” Cried the hunter not knowing what he was going to do.

“We will deal darling boy. You will be okay. I have faith in you. We will get the nursery ready, and I know you have ideas. You will make a great daddy and, I’m not sure what I will be.”

“You can be papa that will suit you.”

“I would like that very much, my love.”

“You won’t leave me, will you?” Dean’s bottom lip quivered and tear drops splashed onto the clean floor.

“Is this why your upset silly boy. How could I ever leave you? Now it’s taken a life time to find you. You have given me everything I wish for Dean Winchester. Your sweet and amazing and given life to our children. I can’t ask for a better mate.”

“I’m going to look like a blob, at the wedding.”

“No you won’t, you will look stunning. Besides, you're glowing, have you not seen yourself. I can’t believe you're all mine, this beautiful creature.” Castiel gently wiped tears from his beloved face and kissed his nose.

“I love when you get all possessive of me.” Dean grinned. 

“Don’t I know it?” Castiel looked around, making sure no one else was about. “Charlie may have told me a secret. That you wanted to show me, what you had bought with the card.”

Deans smiled wickedly. “Oh yeah, angel want to see my pretty panties.”

The angel growled in Dean’s ear. “Oh, I would love to see that very much.” He kissed down Dean’s chin and jaw line. “I wish I could take you back to the nest, but we have wedding things to discuss.”

“I can’t wait for you to be mine.” Grinned Dean kissing the angel back.

“Oh is that so. “Who’s the possessive one now?”

Dean winked “You know you like it, angel.”

The angel smiled, glad his mate was feeling better. “Now do you need help with dinner?”

“No, it's fine. I’ll be fine.” The angel looked on with soft blue eyes. “I promise Cas.”

“I no sweet boy. I no.” The angel walked out of the kitchen feeling happier than he had in a long time. He had the perfect mate and three babies on the way. What more could an angel wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry been ill and not been doing much at all. Will get back to the fic very soon. xxx


	48. At a stand still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Slight Brake'

Just to say I was ill, then I have my operation coming up on Wednesday. I have found a Beta and she's kindly going through all the work. I have fished the first part but just not got it out. I wanted my Beta to check it. Had some comments that have slightly dented my confidence in writing. I won't let it get to me but I had to take a break with being ill as well. Thank-You to those who have supported me. I will get the rest out this won't be the end. I love this Fic to much. xxx Love xxx


	49. The devil in the details.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding plans and suits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-You for all your support. And to my Beta that's working away to get this fic sorted. Enjoy. xx

Charlie sat around the library table in the bunker. Castiel and Dean were sorting out the final details of their wedding.

 

“So Kyle’s sorting the venue like promised. Gushed Charlie with hearts in her eyes. “There is a small chapel on the grounds, and Gabriel will perform the ceremony. We have guests and Sam will be your best man, and I will be your bridesmaid slash maid of honor.” She beamed back at the angel and her brother/best friend.

 

Dean grinned caught up by the enthusiasm of his sister. “You know why they have brides maids don’t you Charlie?"

 

The redhead shook her head, and the younger man continued his tail.

 

 

"Well back in the day. They had arranged marriages and the women getting married might be stolen by a rival dude. So a group of women dressed up the same, so no one knew what the bride looked like.”

 

“You’re pulling my leg, Winchester.” Exclaimed, Charlie, not sure whether to laugh or not.

 

“No, he’s not joking.” Sighed Castiel not sure what the relevance of his lover's story was. “It’s all true.”

 

“Where do you get this useless trivia from big brother?” Charlie laughed shaking her head at Dean.

 

Dean shrugged. “No idea, just something I read once.”

 

“Well, no one will be running off with you.” She giggled.

 

“They better not, if they know what’s good for them.” Growled Castiel looking seriously at the pair.

 

Dean and Charlie burst out laughing.

 

The angel rolled his eyes. “So Dean I erm, need to ask you before we marry tomorrow. It’s important. I-.”

 

Dean stopped laughing and turned to his mate. “Cas you look constipated what’s wrong?” The hunter asked in a teasing tone.

 

The angel frowned. “Dean; angels don’t us- oh.” Castiel cleared his throat. “What do you want to do after the babies are born? You can get Mae-Ann to look after them while we hunt. But if you wish to stay at home that’s also a valid life choice.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow at his mate. “How long did you practice that speech Cas?”

 

“Well, most of the night while you slept,” The angel turned looking sheepishly at his hunter. “I did not want you to be mad at me and-“

 

“Hey come on angel I know you only want what’s best for me.”

 

“I do. I’m glad you see that. I need to know what will make you happy. I need to ask you more; we have not been doing that much lately.” The Angel grumbled, looking down at his feet like they would part some wisdom.

 

Ignoring his mate’s mood, Dean just answered the question. “I don’t want to go back to hunting. I want to carry on with the project that Charlie is sorting out. It means I can still look out for people. Look after the children. I won’t feel I have failed people or failed my kids or my mate. I don’t want to become my father.”

 

“Dean you will never become him. I promise you that. I need to check on the suits excuse me.”

 

Dean and Charlie looked surprised as the angel walked out of the room.

 

Dean groaned. “I think I pissed him off, Charlie.”

 

Leave him, Dean, he will be okay, just wedding jitters.” She looked worried though not sure what to do about it.

 

 

The angel walked away getting a distance between him and his mate. He was angry at Dean, but he was not going to make a fuss the day before they got married. The angel hated how down Dean got, how little he thought about himself. ‘I don’t know how to make him see how wonderful he is. John Winchester as a lot to answer for that's true.' The angel went to get the suits, not wanting to lie to his mate, not on the eve of their wedding.


	50. You and me that’s the way it should be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding day. xxx

Winter had come in a flurry of snow near the nest, but Kansas was dry, and the sun still weak in the sky. It was a pleasant day, with just a soft breeze and the need for overcoats. Dean got into Baby with Sam and Charlie, and they made it to Maiden Hall, the venue for the wedding. Kyle the owner was waiting and with a beaming smile took them to the chapel.

 

Dean was put in a room to get ready, and Charlie went off to sort flowers and other small items out.

 

“I wish mom were here Sammy,” Dean told his baby brother.

 

“Me too Dean, she will be looking over us I know.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I just wish, thinks could be different.”

 

There came a knock on the door and hurried words were whispered.

 

“I need to go help Gabriel; he’s having an issue with his suit.”

 

“Sure little brother you go do that.” Dean smiled brightly at his brother.

 

 

 

Sometime later Castiel waited at the altar dressed in a charcoal dress suit. He had picked a cream button down and a pale blue tie that off set his eyes. A red rose sat in his pocket. Gabriel was all in silver, with a white button down and a honey coloured tie. The older angel also had a red rose in his top pocket.

 

They saw Sam hurry towards them looking worried. The younger hunter came to a standstill near the two angels. Speaking low hoping no one would hear him, he told the angels the urgent news.

 

“I can’t find him; he’s not in the room.”

 

“What do you mean Sammy, he can’t have gone.” Shouted Gabriel forgetting to keep his voice low.

 

“I can feel him; he’s in this building, let’s go look for him.” Said Castiel worried now. Did Dean not want him? Had Dean changed his mind? Why had he gone missing, he needed to find out?

 

Guest sat in the pews looking strangely as the three men rushed past them out of the double doors. They split up and searched. Castiel had almost given up when he came to the priest’s office. Dean was sat there strumming the guitar he had found. Castiel went into the room and sat near his mate and said nothing. Dean played and sang. ‘I can’t help, falling in love with you.’

 

Castiel wiped a stray tear from his fathomless blue eyes and held out a hand for Dean.

 

“I love you Cas.” The hunter whispered, like a prayer on his lips.

 

“I love you too sweet boy.”

 

The angel and hunter went up the aisle together. With Charlie walking in front, she wore a burnt orange dress, which offset her red hair instantly. On her feet was Doctor Who socks and blue converse. Dean had to laugh at his sister's dorkiness. They met a flustered Sam and Gabriel at the top of the chapel. The two lovers never parted and held hands firmly.

 

They gave each other rings. The rings had an inscription. Dean’s read, ‘You gave me wings.’ Castiel’s read, ‘So I can fly, with freedom.’ They both looked into each other's eyes, and before they knew it, the service was over.

 

"I now pronounce you Husband and Husband. You may kiss your mate." Gabriel winked at the two lovers.

 

 Castiel grabbed Dean by the neck and kissed him. The crowd whoops and wolf whistled.

 

“Keep it PG little bro; you are making me blush.” Laughed Gabriel, winking at Sam who had turned red.

 

Castiel just grinned and held on to his husband and mate and walked back down the aisle never taking his eyes off the glorious green beside him.

 

Both got to the reception at the hall. They danced and ate and had a great time. Dean became sleepy, and Castiel took them back to the hotel room. Gabriel had gotten for them, as a honeymoon present. Kyle had given them so much it would feel they were taking advantage if they took a room in the hall also.

 

Dean flopped back on the bed and moaned. “I know it's tradition to consummate a marriage straight away, but I need sleep.”

 

Castiel just smiled. “We have a life time to make love my darling boy; you need your rest.” The angel undressed his hunter and got him into soft cotton pajama pants, and a soft gray tee shirt. Tucking him up and kissing his forehead he whispered into his lover’s ear.

 

“Sleep well, my love.”

 

“Love you Cas.” Dean yawned and closed his eyes and warmth and loved filled his heart and he slipped into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you for your kind comments and the wait for this fic. I'm out of the hospital and on bed rest, slow and sure recovery but it's nice to get this out. xxx


	51. How can I say…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to surprise his angel but it goes a little wrong.

Castiel sat reading his book waiting for Dean to wake when there was a soft tapping at the door. The angel frowned but got up and went to investigate. Slowly opening the door not sensing a threat to him or his mate. The angel saw a woman, about five foot six, with brown hair tied loosely in a bun wearing the uniform of the hotel. Brown eyes widened as she saw the half-naked angel in front of her.

 

“Sorry to disturb you, sir. I brought breakfast.”

 

“Oh thank you. What’s your name?” The angel inquired politely.

 

“My names Zena sir.”

 

“Thank you, Zena. I don’t have any money on me at the moment.” The angel frowned again, thinking it was the right thing to do it hotels was it not?

 

She giggled and smiled. “That's okay sir; we don’t accept money anyway.”

 

Castiel nodded and smiled back. “When do we have to be out by?”

 

Now it was Zena's turn to frown, getting her clip board from the nearby supply trolley. “Well, I think you have to leave by twelve on Thursday. You can have lunch at the hotel. I can book that for you. Any luggage can be bestowed safely at the back of reception.”

 

“That would be nice thank you.” The angel smiled again putting her at ease.

 

“Would there be anything else you need today sir? I will bring dinner up at eight to you if you would like. But if you require lunch just call reception and I will leave it outside your door.”

 

“That would be for the best I don’t like-“And he stopped humans had different notions of mating he was sure.

 

“I know what it’s like to be on a honeymoon Sir.” She smiled again. “Don’t worry we are very discreet here. If you need anything just let us know.” She went on her way, and Castiel was glad he did not have to explain any more to the woman.

 

Castiel lifted the tray and closed the door, putting the food on his hip and flicking his wrist and the door locked in place. The angel put the food down on the table and looked over at his mate. Dean must trust him if he was still sleeping deeply, no hunter would sleep that deep unless they trusted the other person in the room.

 

Smiling he sat by the hunter and kiss his forehead. “Sweet boy foods here.”

 

The one thing to guarantee to wake his man. The hunter started to wake, and the angel's smile got wider. Green eyes opened lazily and looked up at his mate.

 

“Why are you smiling Cas?” Dean asked in a sleepy voice.

 

“I was thinking of ways to wake you and only one I could think of was food.”

 

“Very funny angel.”

 

“I thought it was. Did you sleep well love?”

 

“Yes, did you enjoy your talk with Zena?” He grinned back.

 

'So we were not deep in sleep after all he mused.' “She was just bringing us food Dean that’s all.”

 

“Mmm.” Mumbled Dean to the angels comment.

 

The angel shook his head and padded over to wooden seats and started pouring coffee out.

 

Dean slipped off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. Once done he sat with his mate.

 

“So angel what have you got planned for today?”

 

“Did you want to go somewhere?” The angel looked like a kicked puppy, and Dean could not help but tease him.

 

“Yes, there was a couple of things I wanted to do today.” He hid his smile behind his coffee mug.

 

The angel clearly looked upset but did not voice it. “Well we have three days here Dean, you can do what you wish.” They ate in silence after that.

 

“I’m going for a shower, angel you can have one after me.”

 

“Oh, yes that’s fine I’ll just-“Pouted the angel walking back over to the bed.

 

Dean went for a shower taking his bag with him. The angel was going to be in for a shock; maybe he had taken the joke a little too far. But hey it will be worth it. Dean had a wash but kept the shower running, if he stopped it and everything went quiet he knew the angel would come and investigate. Slipping on stockings and a garter belt, he put on jade green panties after fingering himself ready and putting a black butt plug in place. Slipping on the little black and pink skirt and the silky black baby doll, he had brought online. He spritzes some vanilla perfume on, and he was ready. What if the angel did not like it? What if he thought he was a weird freak? Switching the water off Dean sat there getting more worked up.

 

“I can feel that your worried Dean, did you need me to come in? Asked Castiel hovering by the door.

 

“I don’t know if you will want me to Cas.” The younger man whispered.

 

“Why would you think that?” Came the worried voice of his mate.

 

“Cas go over to the bed and close your eyes?” Dean ordered softly.

 

“Dean, I’m concerned are you ok?”

 

“Please, Cas do this for me.” Pleaded Dean, in a whining tone.

 

“Ok Dean, sure I can do that.”

 

Dean crept out of the bathroom and stood near the angel. Closing his eyes and taking a deep, shaky breath in. “You can open them now.”

 

The hunter heard a gasp and then nothing. “Did you think I would not like my baby boy looking like this? Did you think for one moment I would not go wild and want to claim you? You make me so cross Dean. If you were not having our babies, I would have you across my knee in an instant and take it out on your ass.” Growled the angel buzzing with anger.

 

“I’m sorry Cas, I’ll go get changed.”

 

“Oh no you won’t, open your eyes for me.”

 

Dean shook his head not wanting to see the disappointment in blue eyes.

 

“Open them, Dean, now. Or pregnant or not I will find a way to punish you.” Hissed the angel, harsher in the hunter's ear.

 

Dean did as ordered and opened his eyes. But saw nothing but love and want, in his lovers gaze.

 

“One day, I will get it through to you. That you’re amazing and beautiful and I love you more than words can say. But you don't trust my word. I will wait, baby, for you to love me and for you to trust me even if it takes a life time." The angel smiled sadly but did not move away from his mate.

 

“I do trust you Cas, and I do love you but...”

 

“Shhh, its okay sweet boy I know.”

 

The angel held his hunter in loving arms and enveloped him in love, the only way he knew how.

 

 


	52. The truth of my love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All about trust and love but will it be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea if its because I'm a little emotional at the moment but the letter brought tears to my eyes.

Dean decided to get changed; he could not bring himself to do much more. Why did Cas not believe him that he loved him, never mind trust him? The hunter asked himself. 'Did he love Cas? Did he trust Cas?' There was hesitation in Dean's thoughts. 'Why was there a hesitation?'

 

When Dean got changed, Castiel was no longer in the room. Dean sat on the bed; realizing the place was smart so he best dress smart. Changing into a dark blue button down and black dress pants, from Jeans and a white tee-shirt. The younger man went down stairs and walked around looking from room to room. Finding the door to the patio and gardens open. Dean walked outside and followed a well-worn path that meandered around now dormant flowers beds. Realizing this would be the last time he could be out in public as he would be plainly showing soon.

 

The weak rays of the sun and the light Kansas breeze played on his face. Feeling tired even after a short walk he sat down on a stone seat. Still thinking over his angel's words. His inner thoughts troubled. _'I would never have married the angel if I did not trust nor love him.'_ It all came back to him trying to kill himself, that moot point. The angel still felt he was entirely at fault over that. Was hurt because he had not gone to the angel for help. Dean needed help. There were two things he could do once and for all. Put an end to all this. Calling for Gabriel, he needed to get back before Castiel realized he had gone, needed his friend to bend time for him.

 

"Dean-o what’s wrong? You're meant to be locked in the bedroom for the next three days with my baby brother."

 

"I need your help, Gabe. I thought marrying the dumb angel would sort stuff out but no. I need you to bend time for me. I need to get my mom’s ring and time to write a letter. I need to get back here before Cas knows I've gone, can you do it?"

 

"I can if this will help." Said the older angel sitting next to his friend.

 

"It needs to be done Gabe, or we will just be stagnant and not move forward, anytime soon. I want to live and, be a family but he won't let us. I won't let us I guess. I have my hang ups, but I can't help that, but he keeps, bringing it back to-"

 

"When you hurt yourself." Moaned the angel, rubbing his face, tiredly.

 

"Yeah, that. I need your help Please."

 

"Your wish is my command." Grinned the older angel and winked at his friend.

 

Dean smiled, and the Archangel who held out his arm for the hunter to take.

 

Dean was whisked back to the bunker. Dean rushed to find the ring. It was hidden in the back of his closet in a box. The younger man un-wound it and placed it in a box he had in a drawer. Then he got started on the letter. Not easy but two hours later it was done.

 

"I'm ready to go back now Gabe." Called Dean coming to his friend, who was sat eating candy watching Netflix on his computer.

 

"Sure when to?"

 

"When you found me is fine. Cas had gone somewhere, so I will have time to go back to the room and do what I need to do." Explained, the hunter, hoping it would work out alright.

 

Gabriel took Dean back, and Dean hugged his friend.

 

"Thanks, Gabe, I hope this works."

 

"Anytime Dean call me if you need me."

 

"You do the same if you need me."

 

The angel winked and vanished a pleased look on his face.

 

Dean dashed back to the room. Luck was on his side no angel was present. So he left the ring and the letter on the table for his mate to see. The younger man got his bag and stuffed his wallet into it. There was a tour of a local vineyard going in five minutes. Not that he wanted to go, but he needed the distance so that his angel would find the letter and read it without interference.

 

Dean ran down stairs and got to the mini bus just in time.

 

 

"Mr. Novak, you coming on the tour?” Smiled the guide looking around for his partner.

 

"Yes, my husband's not feeling well, so he said it was okay to come."

 

"Sure, love we will look after you." Stated the motherly tour guide.

 

The other's on the mini bus said hello and made room for Dean.

 

 

                          

                          XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel got back and saw the note on the table.

 

Gone on a tour Dean x

 

 _'Oh, I guess that’s my fault for flying off'_ thought the angel. _'Why do I just vanish and not sort my issues out?_ ' On the small wooden table by the bed, he saw a letter addressed to him and a little black box. Picking up the letter he looked at it, his mate asking him not to open the box until afterward. The angel sat on the bed, and got comfy and started to read, wondering when his mate had time to write such a lengthy correspondence.

 

 

 

**Dear Castiel,**

 

 

**...I asked Gabriel to do me a favour so I could write this letter and also find the contents of the box. You may be gone a short while, but so far I've been gone for three hours and don’t want you to worry.**

**....What you said to me this morning has been buzzing around my head. You told me you would wait for me to trust you and love you. How do you not know I don’t already love and trust you? Every time we argue and fight it always goes back to me trying to kill myself. You blame yourself, and half of you hates that I did not come to you for help. It’s about time I was honest, but if I did this to your face, I would break down, or you would fly away, or we would end up fighting.**

 

**...You have seen all there is to know about me. Though not from my words just memories. I looked after my little brother I had to. There was no one else around to do it. I realized now that Michael had put a block in my head that linked me to you. You never explained that fully. My mom had a guardian angel her name was Ambriel. I found that out from reading some of the books in your library. She always told me Angels looked over us. I suspected you know about us far more than what you ever let on. I wish to learn more about this prophecy and what Chuck wants with our children.**

 

**....Were we meant to meet you and me? The righteous man and his rebel angel. Growing up was not an easy task. Dad was morning mom; he was trying his best to look after two kids. Then go after the YAD and help Sammy. No, I should never have had to turn tricks to get food or clothes or steal for that matter. No, he should never have touched me the way he did. I will always have issues Cas, no matter how much you wish to beat that out of me.**

_Castiel closes his eyes. ‘Oh, sweetheart I’m so, so sorry. I will never lay a hand on you only if you deem it a necessary punishment. I would never hurt you I wish you know that.’ Castiel wiped tears from his eyes and read on, never doubting the bravery of his mate._

 

**...I will always feel like I have let the people in my life down and thought the worse of myself. I hate to admit that I wish I had a better outlook on myself. I wish I could speak to someone about this. It can’t be you, angel, don’t think I can’t talk to you about some of this because I can but some of it... I feel it needs someone impartial to our situation.**

 

_Even now Dean was worried about him, trying not to hurt him. He realized then, in the words that his lover weaved, that he was so very wrong. That Dean did love him, was always trying to protect him, even when they first met, he could see it now. Always trusting the angel, even when the angel did things that broke that trust._

**...I promise you this. I will talk to someone. Gabe said he knows someone I can talk about every aspect of my life to. That makes me feel better. I think when my dad passed I never got to say all that I needed to. I bottled it all up. Then when I met, you and then with Sammy going off the deep end. I blamed myself. I was the dad I guess, and it was my fault. I should have saved him from Ruby and drinking blood and starting the end of the world. If that had not happened you would not have betrayed us, and then Uncle Bobby would be alive, and that’s all on me.**

_Castiel was shocked by that revelation that his Dean blamed himself for everything. Even Castiel's own actions. Dear Chuck now this was Sam and his fault never Dean's. No wonder he was weighed down by so many burdens. Why on this earth, did they not see this?_

 

**...Then I guess all I saw was darkness. You seem to fly away and only want to talk to Sam. I thought you liked Sam and maybe liked him too much. I loved you for so long I was jealous of you and my baby brother. How could I be happy for you and Sammy if you both got together when it made me feel sick? I started just being by myself. Then you both treated me like I was just a cook and cleaner. Like I had no brains or no values. I could do nothing right. I was shouted at and belittled for not doing hunts correctly. You asked me why I did not come to you. How could I when my only friend did not even like me anymore. Only saw me as, little more than mud on his boots.**

 

_Castiel honestly started crying then. Was this truly how he had treated Dean? The younger angel looked back, and he saw it with the hunter's eyes, and it was the truth. The anger of Dean not coming to him dissipated and his bones melted into the bed. He was wicked, horrid and he deserved all the torcher he got. How could he do that to such a pure sweet spirit such as his mate?_

 

**...Then you and Sam started making fun of me. I was proud that you had learned to get a joke, but it was not nice you learned to be mean. Gabe was my only saving grace, but he would not talk much. I was alone, so alone. I had no one to turn to nothing left. Tell me Cas what did I have to lose? My family did not want me. I was nothing. The family I had in heaven seemed a better place, a better bet. That’s why I did it because I was in so much pain, and in such a dark place. I had to do what I did. Now, I realize I was deadly depressed, and I could not even think of doing that again. I do not ever want to go back to that place, and it scares me. It scares me that it will happen again.**

_'It won't Dean; I won't let it. No one will treat you like that again.' Growled the angel, ripping the sheets with his anger._

 

**...I am your mate, and all we do is argue, and you fight me on so many things. I wish sometimes you would listen to me. I trust you Castiel, but it's you that does not trust me. I love you angel, but it's you that does not truly love me. Tell me why did you do that mating ritual was it out of love or was it because you had done wrong by me? Did you marry me because you loved me or was it because you were scared of being alone?**

**...I hoped and hoped that I am wrong and you do love me. That you did all of this for the right reasons. I won't be mad Castiel. I will always be your friend. We will always be mates. I get we can't break that. I want you to think on this if you trust me and love me then wear my mom's ring because that’s me trusting you to have something that's so special. I would only truly give that to someone I love.**

**...Only take it if you can do the same back to me. Like I say we can still be friends. I won't be cross or mad. I can stay with Gabe and Sammy. We can still be a family the babies will have three kick ass uncles. We will be all right; I never want to clip your wings. I'm giving you this Castiel because I truly love you with every atom of my being. I need to show you that. I can't live with you knowing that you don’t love me back. Not truly. Always be who you want to be angel, never let anyone hold you back, not even me.**

**Always yours’s Dean.**

 

 

 

Castiel crumbled on the floor and sobbed. The angel knew he never truly deserved the hunter. The words, he had written were from his heart, and were hard for the man to write. The reason Dean had not come to him was that he could not come to him. He Castiel had broken that connection by being evil a demon far worse than demon Dean had ever been. Castiel had painted Dean's heart black and kicked him when he was down and made him want to die. Dean did not want to leave him; it was not like that at all, he just wanted a break from the pain they had inflicted on him.

 

Now Dean, sweet, caring Dean, was giving him an out. Saying the babies could call him uncle that he could come and go when he pleased. That he could have a family and he could what, live without his Dean. _'No Dean you don’t get that. I have loved you from the first moment I touched you in hell. Days may have been dark, and I may not have been there with you, but I always loved you. Why I acted like that I don’t know; I wish I did.'_

 

_'I wish I could have seen your soul so bright like a lantern guiding me back to you, but all I saw was darkness. I know one thing for certain. I will still get upset when you talk down about yourself, and I may still slap your ass red, but with your permission. I damn well know you love it. I will cry with you and laugh with you. I will Dream your dreams and face your fears, but I won't ever let you go. I love you, and I will show you every day of your human life and every day until the world ends.'_

_'I trust you and love you the words are lost on me; I wish I were more poetic. I promise you this I will do one thing for you daily to show you, and even when your days are dark and you can't find the light you will know my love for you is real. My wings will be your shelter, and my arms will give you strength.'_

 

With joy in his heart, he bounded over to the box and took out the ring. The angel placed it on his finger, and it fit like perfection _. 'I will change I promise my love. Be a better angel, be a better lover. I said it before, but I did not know what that meant, was not sure what you needed. I am Castiel Angel of Thursday, and I will make this pledge. You are my mate Dean Winchester, and I won't ever let you go.'_

 

The little angel needed to get things ready before Dean arrived back home, he just hoped he had time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I turned this into a series. I have a better idea of this is going now. x


	53. Come back to me with Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel shows Dean that yes he does love him.

 

 

 

 

 

Dean thought the vineyard would be boring, but in fact, he had a perfect time. The group was friendly and the guide Sandy was entertaining and knowledgeable.

 

"We have beer, Dean," Sandy said her short blonde hair bouncing up and down as she spoke.

 

"My Uncle Paul just got the brewery going this summer. He would be glad of an expert taste." She grinned, showing perfect pearly white teeth.

 

"I'm, not an expert." The younger man smiled. "But I would love a taste."

 

"Uncle Paul this is Dean he wants to try the beer."

 

"Oh well, we can't let him down, can we. Nice of you to come, Dean. Not a wine man?"

 

"Well, my new husband like's wine, but I'm more a beer man myself."

 

"I will get a couple of reds and whites for him and beers for you if you like?"

 

"Yeah, that will be great. He's not feeling so good so would be nice to bring something back."

 

"Nice to see you cheered up a bit love." Said Maggie and Frank the older couple who had taken to Dean.

 

"Yeah, just worried about Cas that’s all," Dean stated in all honesty.

 

"He will be fine he wanted you to come." Smiled Maggie in sympathy for the young couple.

 

"I guess, but, maybe I should have stayed." Frowned Dean, not looking at all happy.

 

"Was it a migraine love?" Asked Frank appealingly. "Maggie gets them, and she's a beast to be around."

 

"I am love. Best to let me rest when I have one."

 

"Yeah, he gets them really bad." Commented Dean not wanting to lie to his new friends.

 

They taste the beers and Dean thought Paul had a good thing going. Dean left with new friend's numbers a crate of beer and wine for Cas.

 

"I had a great day Sandy thanks’ for the company." Spoke Dean softly to his new friend.

 

"That’s fine Dean, let me help you up with this stuff."

 

Dean got to the room and stopped by the door.

 

"Thanks again. I better see if he's okay." Dean was rather nervous, and it must have shown.

 

"Are you dining down stairs tonight?" Asked Sandy in a worried tone.

 

"No, he wanted to order up, but we will see."

 

"Well if you're by yourself call me. Me and my wife Tasha will only be too happy for you to join us."

 

"Thanks your so kind I-I-" Dean cut himself off, feeling tears prick the back of his eyes.

 

"Hey, you sure you’re ok love?"

 

"Yeah, just worried about Cas." The hunter repeated.

 

"Okay." Said Sandy, not at all convinced. "Any issues you just call us okay."

 

Dean nodded and opened the door and put the crates in.

 

"See you soon." And he waved to his new friend.

 

‘ _Oh, Chuck, he must have seemed like he was scared of Cas or something.’_ Castiel was not in the room. So he put the beer and wine near the table and saw the letter and ring had been moved. Guessing the worst, he fell to his knees and cried. Because as much as he needed his angel to be free. It killed him that his fledgling would be without a papa and he would be a single daddy.

 

Castiel flew in a moment later seeing the distraught hunter sobbing on the floor.

 

"What?" And then Castiel realized he had not been back and it hit him like a brick wall, his mate thought he had left.

 

Springing his wings forth from the secondary plain he kept them. The angel knelt down next to his mate, and he brought them around to achieve comfort.

 

"No baby, I'm here. I'm so, so sorry. I just went to get dinner; I thought I would be back. Please don’t cry." Castiel was crying now. "Dean baby, don’t cry, please."

 

"Cas, I thought you, did not want us. It's okay if you don't."

 

"Shhh, baby." Castiel put his hand on Dean's belly, and he felt them for the first time, and his breath hitched.

 

"Dea-Dean did you feel that?"

 

Dean sniffed and nodded. "Cas I can feel them." He said in awe.

 

"We're having babies, Dean." The angel smiled, rubbing his mate's tummy reverently. "We're going to be daddies."

 

"You only just realized that angel?" Dean grinned through happy tears.

 

"You’re going to make me a daddy." The angel corrected. He then wrapped Dean up tight again. "I love you so damn much Dean. I love us so much. We are going to be the best daddies. We need to start the nursery and get clothes and sort out names."

 

"Cas I don’t want to put gender restraints on the kids, if they want to wear pink that’s ok, but if they want to wear blue that’s okay also."

 

"Baby boy if she wants to play with trains and the little man wants to play with dolls that's fine with me. I just want them healthy and strong. Loved and cared for we can do this. We have family and how did I get so lucky? You’re the most beautiful creature in the world, and you're all mine. How did that get to be?"

 

"Cas you're sappy." Dean giggled at the happy angel he had wrapped around him.

 

"I don’t care, you're my mate, and I get to be sappy."

 

Dean could not wipe the grin off his face. "Do I smell food?" His tummy grumbled loudly. "I think the babies are hungry."

 

"Yes, love I bought you dinner. I have burgers and fries and pie. Only the best for you love."

 

"Cas is that a vanilla milk shake?"

 

"Yes, love, I flew to all the best places I could find." Castiel was happy that he had provided for his hunter and his babies. He had done something right today at least.

 

"Where did you get the pie?" Asked Dean in wonderment.

 

"A little place in Italy, love."

 

"You’re fabulous Cas."

 

"You're my mate, only the best for you."

 

Dean just smiled wide. "If it puts a smile on your face like that. I will do anything for you love."

 

"Sappy Alpha." Said Dean nuzzling into the Alpha angels neck.

 

"Now eat, or my bossy Alpha side will come out." Castiel grinned.

 

Dean laughed. "Okay, babe I get it. You want me to eat, don't worry I will. These munchkins won't let me forget."

 

Dean and Castiel sat down and ate. They talked about mundane things, but Dean caught the ring on the angel's finger and could not take his eyes off it.

 

"Maybe tomorrow you can dress up for me again?" Asked the blushing angel. "I would like that very much."

 

"You can count on it angel." Winked Dean, feeling much better than he had earlier on.

 

That night they just lay in each other's arms whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. Declaring their love for each other. Dean may never fully recover from what happened, and Castiel may always live with the fear of losing Dean. But they had a family to look forward to. A life to look forward to. They knew it was going to be a challenge, and life always throws complications in their way. But as long as they had each other they could weather any storm.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of this one. Will start soon on the next issue. Hope you have all enjoyed this and keep reading for the next updates. Thank for your love and support. x


End file.
